SIMPLE PERFECT LIFE

2012-01-25T22:51:00.000-06:00

I have been neglecting my blog in a horrible way! It has not been my priority. I've been focusing on my Pilates school (which is awesome, by the way.) It has been a very long two months. We've had sickness, urgent care and ER visits, adenoid surgery, potty training, therapies, extra holiday cleaning jobs, traveling, birthday celebrations and birth family visits on top of our already hectic lives. I am elated to announce that Jada's birth grandpa came over to meet Jada for the first time. I am so excited as I know this was a very big step and I hope our relationship continues to grow with her birth family. I hope her birthmother comes home to visit soon as I miss her dearly. So does Jada. We have been able to have Jenay's birthmother, her sister and sister's baby over and FINALLY, Kaiti was here too! YAY! Jakob's birth grand parents are coming this weekend. I think seeing all these visits is sometimes difficult for Jada, wondering when her momma is coming again. It is difficult to have someone live far away. I am reminded, though, that she first thought she wanted a closed adoption so I am so very thankful that we have such a beautiful open relationship with her.

Anyway, back to all these visits...um, no, it is not easy to get our house cleaned, and it really isn't convenient to go out somewhere especially in the winter time.

Jakob turned 6! I simply cannot believe it. I will post some photos soon. I just have to get them uploaded to my computer. I'm even behind on doing that. As always, I have a million more things I really want to say. Deep and complex and unfortunately, a little bit too private. :0) I have to keep you coming back some way. The one blog post every two months isn't going to be enough.

2011-11-27T22:27:00.000-06:00

I have not been very good about posting lately--using the excuse that we are so very busy. We are so very busy, so it works, but if I'm going to be honest, our 'open' relationships in our 'open' adoptions were not being so 'open' and I had no idea what to think of it. I was distraught and couldn't really post about something that really isn't my story to tell. I want open. And from what other people say, we are pretty darn open in our adoptions. And then all of a sudden....it stopped. No calls, no visits, no emails, no responses--from any of our birthmothers. I was crushed. I know they all have their own unique reasons and our ebbs and flows are not always ebbing and flowing in sync with each other. We chose to set some boundaries that caused one ebb to crash--and crash hard. Out of respect, I will keep the specifics private but the result of no contact was not the outcome we were intending to happen. I will never give up when things don't go as planned, but I will not push something that somebody does not want. I'm sure there was a lot of anger that needed work. The reason the new boundary was set is not something my husband and I are going to change our minds on and I'm sure it is not easy to take. It does not change my love for her and my desire to have a close relationship and I hope we can work through that.

Another relationship is just plain hampered by circumstance. Lack of internet. Lack of phone. Living a little bit too far to be more help. Every time we had something set up to get together, it seemed to fall through. That intense feeling of being crushed over and over and over again....and quite honestly, I am on the easier end of it. I see my babies everyday. I can only imagine the intense emotions that our children's birthmothers experience on a day to day basis.

Then, out of the blue...I got an email from one birthmother and on the same day, a phone call from another one. The good Lord knew that I needed to hear from them. We were able to sneak in a visit in our crazy schedule with one and we are still working on the other one. It seems everyone has a bit much going on lately. I do not take my time with any of my babies' first mommas for granted. Not one bit. Reality warns me that it could be the last time--or a long time before we see them or hear from them again. I hope they all know that I am here for them. I do have their back. I will support them as best I can. I will stand up for them. I will figure out how to help them make their dreams come true. I will have rules...just like any other person that truly loves them. Oh how I love them. I hope they always know that. Even when it may seem like I don't. Here are some photos of our last visit. Enjoy!

Cousins

Sleepy time on the couch! :0)

Lovin' up our kiddos!

One of my favorites! Momma and daughter.

Jenay and her birthmother! Don't they look EXACTLY alike?

OPEN ADOPTION BLOGGERS INTERVIEW PROJECT 2011

2011-11-16T23:27:00.001-06:00

I know my blogging has been even more slim than the usual as of late. I feel like this whole kindergarten thing is A LOT OF WORK! I have no idea how I am going to handle first grade! SO thankful that I am able to be at home allowing me a little leeway with procrastination if needed! I am also currently in PILATES school to be certified to teach. I am about 30 hours in to my 450 hours needed to sit for the PMA (Pilates Method Alliance) exam. It seemed so appropriate that I was randomly matched with MAMA2ROO over at Letters to a Birthmother. She too has been experiencing 'life' and has had to prioritize other things and push blogging WAY DOWN on the list! I think we are both okay with that-- for now anyway--but didn't want to miss out on the OPEN ADOPTION BLOGGERS INTERVIEW PROJECT. She is an adoptive mother and has a six year old son. We have both experienced the ebbs and flows of relationships with our children's birth families and have come terms that what is going on now is not what it will always be. I encourage you to visit her blog to find out more about her story. You can find my interview answers over at Letters to a Birthmother. (If it's not up yet, please try back as I am posting this early....and well, we both have been crazy busy.) AND please link to Production Not Reproduction to find the complete list of all participants in this projects! Happy reading and I all hope we learn a little something that we didn't think we already knew! :0)

Here are Mama2Roo's answers to my questions!

So, briefly, what has been happening in your life since your last blog post in June? I didn't look at the dates at first thinking that you just posted that! haha! I am guessing that you are now living in your new house.....If you are too busy to blog, there's got to be something exciting going on! :0)

My first thought when you asked this was "OMG, I haven't posted since JUNE??" My second thought is "I have no idea." Time just gets away somehow. Everything and nothing has happened since June. I am constantly surprised by how little time and energy is left at the end of each day. I work full time, then by the time we cook, eat, play, homework, bathe, and put to bed, I AM DRAGGING and often asleep before 10. We've been in the new house since mid-June, but with it being a new home, there's plenty to do with the yard, decorating, organizing, etc, and we still have the old house that is on the market. That means we have TWO houses to maintain on some level. Additionally, this has been the year of family illness. My grandmothers have been playing musical hospital beds/rehab units for the past several months and I lost one grandma just a few weeks ago, so that's been time comsuming as well. Other than that, we've been enjoying our new neighborhood/neighbors and the beautiful weather we've had (after the spring monsoons were over). You might notice that I didn't mention anything in there about adoption, and that's mostly because not much has happened adoption-wise in our family. There haven't been any visits in a VERY LONG TIME, which saddens me and frustrates me, though its partially our fault. We (us and Woob's mom) just haven't been able to pull it together so that it works on both sides lately.

You have been blogging for a really long time. It appears to have started out as letters to your son's birthmother and has slowly evolved. Your posts have become less frequent this past year too (like mine). Why do you think that has happened? Have the reasons that you started to blog changed and what are your hopes for blogging in the future? What were your first visions of open adoption? Do you think you have grown away from your first visions of open adoption?

When I started blogging, it was basically me just sending my feelings out there. We didn't know Woob's mom, N., aside from the time we'd spent together in the hospital over two days, and didn't know if we'd ever have a relationship with her. She didn't really know how to wrap her mind around openness and I believe she was influenced by her mom and agency on keeping the adoption closed. That was a hard time. I found as I started to write that there were other people out there with some common experiences and they were finding me and joining with me and entering into the conversation. Slowly, the conversation on the blog was less towards N., but with my new friends in adoption who "got it" unlike many in my real life who didn't. And I was reading their blogs and learning so much from those that came before me. And feeling less alone. It became a conversation with adult adoptees, first mothers and other mothers through adoption. A few months later, we actually did begin a relationship with Woob's mom, so there was lots to be said about that, lots of feelings, and for some readers, it was a look into what open adoption could be, or they could commiserate or offer support or whatever. Since I was able to have "real" conversations with N., I had less need to write the "letters." Also, when adoption was so new, all these things I was feeling were so intense. Now that Woob is going on six, I've chilled a little. I see more ebb and flow, and have learned just because we might be a little out of sync now, that doesn't mean that is how things will be forever. Many of my bloggy friends have gone on to either abandon their blogs, or we keep our connections more on facebook, so I'm not physically "there" on wordpress like before. Our families have changed to "families," not just "adoptive families". The blog is not something I really attend to the way I'd like, but I'm hesitant to get rid of it, because it has been such an important thing in my life.

My first visions of open adoption I think were pretty realistic (in my mind). I don't remember having the common huge fears of "what if Woobs family is a bunch of ax murdering drug addicts". My biggest fears were, "what if they don't like us" and "what if Woob NEVER knows his family??". Thankfully, I don't believe any of those fears have panned out. I do worry now mostly that our relationship might fade, and he won't have the relationship with his sisters and mom if we don't keep at it over time.

I have read a few posts about the ebbs and flows of relationship contact with your son's birthmother and his sisters. What part of the ebb and flow do you see your relationship being right at this moment? How often do you have contact with her? How far apart do you live from one another? How is Woob in the processing part of what open adoption is? Do you have contact with any other birth family members?

Unfortunately, we're in a bit of an ebb. We "see" each other through facebook (best invention ever!!), and she can keep an eye on our happenings and photos even when she's not able to initiate anything else. We share occasional phone calls, but its been about a month since we spoke. We are about 2 hours away, which seems not far, but sometimes it might as well be a million. If their cars on on the fritz, they just can't get here. We've got family illness, and they have some serious family illness things going on as well. We offer to go there, but I think there are reasons on their end they'd rather come here now and then. Since Woob was one, we've seen each other about twice a year. Which is WAAY less than I'd like, but it is what it is.

I think Woob is really aware as much as he can be...he knows his birth story and who is who on mom's side. He absolutely glows around his first family and enjoys time spent with them--always has. We know N.'s husband and parents as well, though have had much more contact with her dad. Woob misses them and talks about them, and still has the childhood happiness that surrounds his story, yet he at times voices sadness that we're not all together.

Twin Syndrome

2011-11-06T23:59:00.000-06:00

Even though my kiddos all come from completely different gene pools, they have an incredible bond. So incredible that I often say that Jakob and Jada have 'twin syndrome'. Genetics is amazing to me. I believe that my kids will be a lot like their birth parents. Knowing all of their first mothers already proves this to be a fact (in my opinion). I seriously think they have their momma's personalities. They also all look like them too! I often notice how much children look like their mothers and their fathers when we are out and about. Maybe it's because my kids don't look anything like me. :0) Maybe it's just because I find genetics to be simply amazing. I wonder if there have ever been any studies on 'twin syndrome' with adopted siblings. I think it would be fascinating. I know they have studies on artificial twining...but Jakob and Jada are 2 1/2 years apart. I am still in awe when I see my kids together....

And here is my third beauty. She fits right in. Jakob and Jada both adore her to no end. I could not be any more blessed to have children that love each other as much as they do.....and then the screaming will start! haha! I hope they love each other this much forever. I know I will.

World Vision

2011-10-16T22:34:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, I was introduced to the book, The Hole In Our Gospel, by Richard Stearns, through a blog reading challenge. I cannot tell you what blog it was from as I was linking around (probably when I should have been doing something more productive around the house). I wish I could link you to the challenge....I was moved by the post. I left a comment saying I would read it and see what happens. I was intrigued after reading the premise of the book: "This is a story of how a CEO faced his own struggle to obey God, whatever the cost, and his passionate call for Christians to change the world by actively living out their faith. Believing that the “good news” is more than a private transaction between God and us, Stearns challenges readers with this question: What does God expect of us? Two thousand years ago, twelve people changed the world. Stearns believes it can happen again." I was told it would probably change my life. I ordered it on ebay and started to read it as time allowed. To be honest, I still haven't finished it...but it has truly impacted my life. Wow, what an amazing book and even though I didn't finish it yet, there are a few things that I think of every time I see the book sitting by my bed. I think of how our world looks at helping others defined by politics. (I'm not willing to get into a political argument so I will just leave it at that.) It is not about being a democrat or a republican. It is about being a human--and for me a Christian--and how I believe we are responsible for helping other people. I also believe how we choose to do that is by God's will and the talents He has given us. Sometimes God seeks us out more than we are willing to admit. I think Richard Stearns is a perfect example with his book A Hole In Our Gospel and God's calling of him to work at World Vision. I thought that his journey was truly inspiring and moved to learn more about World Vision--and then my life kind of got in the way...you know, three kids aged 5 and under...financial responsibilities....laundry....diapers....work....bills....etc.

Fast Forward:

This past Friday, we went to the Third Day concert! We bought tickets way back in June when we were at the Joyful Noise Family Fest sponsored by KTIS. We got tickets for that through Living Social and our family of 5 was able to go for just $37! They were selling Third Day concert tickets there and my husband splurged since the concert was on my birthday. When we walked in the church that was hosting the concert, the first thing I saw was a huge World Vision banner and I kind of started to hyperventilate. I don't know why. We went right to the table. I thought, you are kidding me, I've been wanting to know more about World Vision and had kind of forgotten about my quest, you know, with life, and here we were and there they were. I should have finished reading my book! :0)

They started talking to us about their program. I was already feeling overwhelmed as we have been trying to clear out stuff and clutter from our house. Dressers full of clothes, toys, stuff, stuff and more stuff. We have so much stuff! I have already donated so much stuff to fundraiser garage sales, charities, and friends, and we still have so much stuff. My mother and I had been sorting all day in between 'life' and I was still feeling like we hadn't made much progress--and still thinking about it on the way to the concert--so much stuff. And then I look at this table full of children's photos--knowing that they pretty much don't have anything. And not only do they have hardly anything, they probably don't even have clean healthy water to drink or food to eat on a regular basis or medical care or access to medicines they need or school or supplies for school. I was so overwhelmed that I started to cry. How is it that I can have so much stuff and they have nothing? And probably not a whole lot of opportunity to change that. I don't think everyone in our country completely understands what it means to not have opportunity. There are plenty of people willing to do what it takes to 'make it'. Sometimes they just need a little help to get to the starting gate. (And maybe sometimes a little help to the finish line too!) It was as if God had led me to World Vision at the moment I needed to be there. I am humble and I know that I cannot change the world....but thanks to World Vision, I believe I can change one person's world. My husband let me pick out the child that our family will be sponsoring and I am excited to be on this new journey. We are just an ordinary family with an ordinary income and I will gladly pass on some of the things our culture has deemed as ordinary so that one child or family can have something we take for granted. I challenge you too...

Just check out the book....The Hole In Our Gospel, by Richard Stearns. It may change your life too. Just look what it has done for me, and I haven't even finished reading it yet! :0)

Open Adoption Round Table #29

2011-09-20T22:10:00.001-05:00

"The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggers to participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points--please feel free to adapt or expand on them."

I don't write with the prompts very often...I am not a gifted writer, per say, and always feel like I can't get my feelings accurately portrayed with my writing--well that and the simple fact that blogging is not my first priority even though I wish I had more time to do it.

Here's the Open Adoption Round Table #29

"I thought it could be fun to do an open mic style roundtable. Our group is growing and a lot of us haven't "met" each other yet. So point us to a favorite post on your blog. It doesn't even need to be about adoption. And tell us a little bit about why you picked the one you did."

This should have been an easy one...just go through and find my favorite post. Whoa, time, life, and all of that kind of got in the way. As I started to aimlessly look through my past posts, I stumbled upon this post written while we were in the process of waiting to be chosen to adopt our second child. It reminded me so much of where we were, how far we have come, and how much further we have to go. Open adoption is an ever evolving process and I hope anyone involved in any situation continues to have hope and never gives up when things are not going as they thought they should be. This post made me cry--even 3 years after the fact. I'm sure there's another one I might love more, but this was the start of my foundation. My reminder of my life with three adopted children--all open adoptions--all completely different--all in my heart each and every single day, every minute, every hour. Wishing that things didn't always need to be so complicated, so confusing, and so far from simple--and perfect.

My Wish For You

Don't forget to click the OPEN ADOPTION ROUNDTABLE #29 link to read more of everyone's favorite and heart moving posts!

Kindergarten!

2011-09-07T22:20:00.003-05:00

Today was my son's first official day of kindergarten. He has been quite intrigued with school and riding the bus to get to school, although last week he did mention that he was a little bit scared to ride the bus by himself. He is my first of three children going off to kindergarten--so it has been equally emotionally interesting for me too. It has been a long year of great accomplishments for him. (He jumps into a pool now after being terrified of the water. He has been in gymnastics and has advanced to the next group, I am really behind on posts....) Did I mention that this was the first time he went somewhere on a bus without either Craig or me being with him? He was tested last year (and the year before and the year before that with emerging scores putting him on the border for qualifying for help) for a multitude of delays. Jakob is developmentally delayed in his motor skills, receptive language, expressive language, and has sensory sensitivities--so it didn't surprise me when one of the first things he told me about school was that the bell was very loud, and that he heard the storm whistles blowing, and that there was a boy who was taller than "Nate", a very tall friend of his from preschool last year--I was amazed he remembered Nate's name since they have moved and we haven't seen them since school let out last year. I was happy he didn't bite anyone at school--since he bit his sister twice before going (probably anxious) and even happier that the teacher remembered to just tell him to go to the bathroom rather than wait for him to ask. (He wet his pants the first three classes of preschool last year because he was afraid to go. He still tells us he is going to go while at home!) I was amazed that he remembered his room number and his teacher's name! He also said there were no other kids named Jakob in his class, but that there was a Jada! I think the girl's name is actually Jade, but he remembered a name! We got a new pair of shoes for him yesterday that light up and I think that helped him make it through day. All these little things that I would have taken for granted. I decided to take some photos before lunch since I didn't want anything to feel rushed and I'm so happy I did. Before we went outside to wait for the bus I just rocked him one more time--and maybe cried a little--okay, maybe a lot--and he just smiled at me. And Jada said it would be okay. The kids ran around outside and then the bus came, I gave him a hug and a kiss, we crossed the street, I took a couple of photos, he got on the bus and sat down, and just like that, he was off to school. And then, Jada freaked out. She started wailing, "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone." Crying and screaming and wanting to tell him something. My poor poor Jada. I kept telling her that he was coming back after school was over. I think she may have thought that he was gone forever. Both girls were able to actually fall asleep and take a little nap. Good for all of our souls after an emotionally rough morning. We all walked to pick up Jakob at the bus stop. The driver almost left without letting the kinder kids off the bus! I said give me a thumbs up if you liked it--no thumbs up. haha! He said he had fun playing with the kids. When we got back to the house, he went straight for his NUNU and the thumb went in the mouth. We were going to go out to dinner to celebrate and he asked if dad could just go pick up food and eat at home. Lots of decompression needed. We got outside for a little while but spent most the night vegging out to a movie. I peeked in on him in bed and he looked like he was going to cry. I asked him what was wrong and he said he loved me. He said he liked being with me. And then asked if he had to go back to school tomorrow. I said, "yes, but it's just for part of the day." He said, "It was a very long time today." I am so happy that he is expressing his feelings more--verbally. I am so happy we are only 1/2 day kindergarten in the afternoon so we don't have to stress and rush around in the morning. We'll see how tomorrow goes....I'm happy it's a short school week! I am so proud of his accomplishments. He is small, he is quiet (at least when he is not at home), he is a kid who tries as hard as he can, he is smart. He may not be able to express himself like other kids his age, but I feel like I know just what he needs and when he needs it. I will continue to encourage him with all of his new adventures and try to challenge him without pushing him too far too quickly. And let him be Jakob. And let him suck his thumb at home. And let him wear his light up shoes all night, on the couch. Did I forget to mention that his choice of take out food was McDonald's? The kid ate a cheeseburger and three chicken nuggets for dinner. If you knew Jakob, you would know he must have been hungry! That's like a whole day's intake for him--and he usually doesn't eat meat! He will probably be sick tomorrow!

:0) Maybe I will have more time to blog if the girls nap while Jakob is in school. You know, cause getting the house clean and organized seems kind of daunting........

Capturing all their personalities.

One of my favorites! Little Jenay is not so little anymore!

Jada could not stand still for even one second. I think her anxiety for Jakob leaving was at an all time high!

Waiting for the bus!

And just like that, he was off to school!

Happy Birthday Jada!

2011-08-01T00:43:00.000-05:00

My little miss Jada turned three this weekend. I can hardly believe it! We've chosen not to have big birthday parties at this point. Our kids seem to enjoy the quiet chaos of our little family of five. Time to ponder each gift and really play with the toys. We had a super fun and busy day....first gymnastics, then the LIFEFEST festival held at a friend's church. Super cool bounce houses, free games and food! Perfect for a birthday! Then we headed home, out of the 100 degree day in into the air conditioning right about melt down time. Jada took a much needed nap and so did daddy. Then we made home made pizzas for dinner--ate some cake and opened more presents. The kids did well together with sharing for the most part. While they were playing with the ponies, my son was talking and says, "They adopted another baby."--and then he neighs like a horse. Adoption even changes how my kids play.

Jada does not like going to bed and begs for me to sleep with her. Being that it was her birthday I crawled right in. We were having girl talk....well, I was actually just listening to her talk because she always has amazing things to say. She went on about how there were two people in our family with brown skin and three people in our family with peach skin. And then she asked me if she was three now, and how old was I (of course I answered honestly), and how old is dad, and how old is Jenay, and how old is Jakob? I asked her what her favorite part of her birthday was and she said, "cake!" And she asks me if I'm her only mom. I say, "No, Carmen is your birthmom, you grew in her tummy." Jada says, "Oh, Carmen ate me when I was really little?" "I wonder what kind of food I was with." She certainly is a hoot! I said, "Well, actually, you grew in her uterus and not her tummy." Jada asks, "What is a uterus?" I thought to myself--we are not going there tonight. haha! For now, talking about adoption with my kids is WAY easier than trying to explain the actual process of how babies are made. We haven't even gotten into female body parts yet. I am so thankful that we have all three kids' birthmommas in our lives! Whew! I know things will probably get more complicated--but maybe not--since it is just our life. Simple chaos--totally!

You will probably rarely find me in any photos anymore. I received a really nice camera for our anniversary and am learning how to use it--therefore, nobody else will probably ever be able to snap photos of me! haha! I don't mind being a behind the scenes mom. I am a home body who loves spending time with her children and certainly don't need to be in the spotlight. I have so much to catch up with on my blog....sorry about my lack of posts. AND lack of posts that are about us! It has been a crazy busy fun and wonderful summer so far and I'm trying not to waste a minute of it before school starts! Ahhhhh, kindergarten, that's a whole post of it's own. My blessings are incredible!!!

Hot Hot Hot

2011-07-17T21:35:00.000-05:00

It is so hot outside...and I am a winter girl. Tonight, Jakob and Jada went outside to play for a short stint. As they walked out the deck door, hubsters told them not to get soaking wet. HA! They ventured out to the uncovered sandboxes. I think there is more water in there than sand. We got some MAJOR jungle style rain on Saturday. First, Jada was 'stirring' the water, then she got in, then Jakob followed, then they were dancing, then they were sitting in the water, then they were laying in it (remember, there is sand in there too), then their white clothes were brown from the dirty water, then they took their shirts off, then their shorts, then the diaper and underwear came off. It was funny--until you remember we have people in the neighborhood who I certainly don't want to catch a glimpse of my children in the buff.....then I went out to tell them to come in, and THEN, they started running around the yard so I couldn't catch them. It was the most hilarious thing ever, but I couldn't laugh, and I couldn't take pictures, but all I could do was think how awesome it is that they are having such a fun summer and that I can't wait until Jenay is out their running with them and I hope and pray they are all the best of friends forever. Childhood innocence....I hope we can hang onto that for a very long time!

3 Peas Photography and Celebrating Adoption

2011-07-06T13:37:00.000-05:00

If you didn't know, there is a program out there called Celebrating Adoption. Briefly, it is a program where a photographer is willing to donate their time and talent to offer a family that has adopted a free photo session and in our case, we also get 15 free 4x6's and then 15% off anything else we order. I'm not sure if all the photographers are current on the list link but we used Amy from 3 Peas Photography--twice--when we adopted Jada and then again with Jenay. She is simply an AMAZING photographer and has been incredibly generous to our family. If you click on the 3 Peas link, it will take you directly to the sneak peek of our photo session. Absolutely incredible! It is going to be difficult to choose, but she is worth EVERY SINGLE PENNY! Thanks Amy! You will have to visit her site to see our gorgeous babes! She is also on facebook.....Enjoy!

Gift of Adoption

2011-06-24T23:06:00.000-05:00

Here are a few lives that Gift of Adoption has truly made a difference in the past year. These are awesome stories and hopefully you will be inspired to give to this charity that truly helps to change lives. I should know, they've made a HUGE difference in ours! We are truly blessed!

Dark Girls

2011-06-06T21:52:00.000-05:00

I have a lot to learn. I came across this AMAZING documentary that is being created right now. Being the mother of two brown babies after growing up in a white privileged world makes me really really really naive about racial issues. I want to believe that the world is changing for the better....I hope to be a part of that change. Here is a link to a preview of the Dark Girls documentary. They are in need of funding to continue filming. If you feel compelled to donate--you can click the link on the right hand side of my blog.

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

You can also help create awareness too! Head on over to DARK GIRLS on facebook and give them a little love!

And if you are curious where I got my fabulous connection....head on over to MY BROWN BABY! You will not be disappointed!! Thanks Denene for all your time and kind hearted support answering all those questions that every white momma is afraid to ask! You are very much appreciated!

Little things.....more precious than life!

2011-06-05T23:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the littlest things are so big in your life! Jenay took her first baby steps today. I was able to catch some on video. The sweetest thing EVER! I'm not sure if I would have ever appreciated something as small as this if I wasn't given all the complicated circumstances in my life. All I know is I'm thankful that I was here to witness what I believe is truly a miracle! YAY JENAY!! And just a note: we are dog sitting for the dog...we are not crazy enough to add a dog to our lives right now, especially when Jakob is not a big fan of dogs anyway. AND, there is something to be said about a poop free yard with three kids 5 and under! Sorry about the turned video....I'm unable to rotate it on this computer. It's not very long anyway.....

Party train!

2011-06-01T22:48:00.000-05:00

I guess you have to get creative when you have an odd number of kids. Thanks to my dad (whom can build anything), I can now get out with all three and enjoy the summer weather. We got a lot of double takes tonight, but I figured it was because of my orange socks.....right? I'm used to my family drawing a lot of attention anyway--so it's really no big deal. I suppose there is room for one more since both trailers seat two... I suppose technically, Craig could hook another double trailer to his bike and we would have room for even more! I suppose I would have to okay that with him first! haha! So far, we are having a pretty great summer! :0)

Birthmother's Day!

2011-05-18T19:44:00.001-05:00

I know there is a lot of controversy about Birthmother's Day. We celebrate it in our family. All three of our children's birthmothers celebrate with us. We want them to feel honored, loved, and respected. We want them to know that we feel so blessed that they have chosen us to be their children's parents. We want them to know that we are forever grateful that they chose life for their babies despite their circumstances. We want them to know they are part of our family. We want them to know that we will make it through life's challenges--good and bad--together. We want them to know that we understand that it will never be easy and that we will all ebb and flow throughout our lives. Most days we will fit together easy as pie and as with any other family member, there will be challenging days too. I hope they know that they pretty much made all my dreams come true when ALL THREE of them were able to come over to our home on Birthmother's Day. There is no possible way that I could put into words what I was feeling on that very special day. I hope we can manage to do that again in the future. I have the BEST photo ever of all three together with their babies. I will cherish it until no end! I can't post my favorite for privacy reasons...but here's a couple more of my favorites!

Tanisha and Jenay

Jenay was so happy to be around Tanisha! She was chirping and talking up a storm the ENTIRE time! We are so very blessed that she was able to make it!

Kaiti reading to Jada and Jakob. I'm surprised they are not both on top of her!

Kaiti and Jakob--they have the same smile!

I love this one! Proof that Jada's beautiful birthmother was here....but yet, maintaining her privacy.

I certainly would not have been a mother without these three extraordinary women. I certainly would not have been the same kind of mother I am now without open adoption--without having the privilege of knowing these women (Jada's birthmother started out wanting a closed adoption). It is truly a miracle that we were all together for a day and I will cherish that in my heart FOREVER! I feel every ounce of heart ache and pain that comes parallel with the joy and celebration of our children. That is why I believe that these mothers deserve recognition on their own day. And we celebrate with their blessings.

Open Adoption Roundtable #25

2011-04-07T23:19:00.000-05:00

Production, Not Reproduction has a new Open Adoption Roundtable prompt. I have never participated in these prompts before. I've always wanted too.....but I guess my free time was lacking in focus (it still is) and my lack of effort to write about open adoption was maybe my way of taking time away from it. If you know me, open adoption is pretty much the focus of my life in some way or another. We speak on panels for training, we've mentored hopeful adoptive parents one on one, we recently spoke at RESOLVE about why we chose domestic open adoption, we've even tried to help educate expecting parents on ALL their options when thinking about choosing adoption. But mostly, my time with open adoption is doing my best to maintain relationships with those involved with our three adopted children. Getting to this point was a process of ebbs and flows--it still is--which is why I was drawn to this prompt:

"Has open adoption ever felt like too much? Have you ever wanted to walk away?"

There was a time when I wondered if I was cut out for all this open adoption stuff. Maintaining relationships is difficult enough as it is. Then add the complexities of a highly emotional and traumatic experience of adoption (I believe the act of adoption is a form of trauma for all those involved), a first baby for both us and a young birthmom and out to sea we all went in uncharted waters. We were definitely not equipped to deal with all the difficult emotions that came along with the rolling sea. Partly because our agency didn't equip us with the resources (the first agency we used was not the same one that we used for the adoption of our two girls), partly because they weren't helpful when we asked for help (we actually asked them for help!), partly because the outside professional help wasn't equipped with the knowledge to help us and partly because EVERYONE we went to for help was telling us to WALK AWAY--close her up! Licensed professionals. We were confused, hurt, grieving, traumatized, and our hearts were still crying for our son's birthmom. If we felt this way--WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS HAPPENING TO HER?

Obviously we both (birthmom and us) had the guts to keep going. To eat our shame, forgive each other's mistakes and keep on sailing. I look at her like she is my first born. (Well, she is my first born's birthmom! haha). She has paved the way for our second and third children. What trauma....I look at her now and see how she has grown but I still see her pain. I see it because I choose to see it and she chooses to show it to me. That's a true relationship, real love. I think we still do the boundary dance--still sailing in uncharted waters. Still unsure, and yes, it sometimes feels like too much--but we have no choice but to face it and move forward.

When we got the call for Jada, we were given every opportunity to walk away from an open adoption as her birthmom wanted it to be closed. I cried. We kept trying, got her email, started emailing and now have what I think is a pretty amazing relationship. I think about what we would have missed out on had we never pursued contact. I think of what she would have missed out on. I think of what Jada may have missed out on. I am thankful she is in our life......her mother has started to see us too. A blessing since the pregnancy was a secret and still is to most of those who know her. That's a terrible weight to carry.

Sadly, we've been struggling with communication with Jenay's birthmom. We are not sure why. Another great excuse for a family to "walk away." I assure you we are doing anything but....I feel lost, sad, worried. I don't want her to slip through the cracks. I don't want to lose her. I don't understand, but yet, I do. It's so complex. It's exhausting. It's devastating. It breaks my heart. I can only imagine what she is going through.

So, everyday, there is something more that I take on that I never thought I would have had to deal with. I am not good at setting boundaries and I hate confrontation and I hate feeling like I'm hurting someone and my own life isn't perfect either and sometimes I have to take care of me and my family before I can take care of the relationships that have come from our open adoptions but I have NEVER EVER EVER wanted to walk away. I never will--no matter how difficult and complex and complicated things may get. I will figure out a way. Sometimes it does seem like too much. I'm not going to lie about that. It is an ongoing balancing act that my husband and I are continuously working at. AND getting better at. Maybe it's the simple fact that we are starting to get more sleep. Sleep deprivation is, well, deadly, on so many levels. We know that we will be facing challenges forever, and that we will probably have to set and reset boundaries many times--on a continuous basis--with differences between all three adoptions at any given time. I know that I will probably muck things up at some point too. I'm good at that. But I never want to let go of these angels that have made me the person that I am today. So, too much and all, they are stuck with me. I just hope I'm not too much for them! :0)

Paperwork paperwork paperwork

2011-03-20T23:24:00.000-05:00

What to post. . . I'm so far behind in EVERYTHING! And, I'm okay with that. I've been up to my ears with paperwork. You would think that we were trying to adopt again with all of this paperwork! :0) Jakob is getting some assessments done at school to see if he needs some extra help in school--so with that comes a TON of paperwork. Jenay was assessed by a public health nurse as she is a bit behind in her motor skills which equals more paperwork. She will also be seeing a neurologist in May for some shakiness--guess what, more paperwork. She also was having some physical therapy for her neck and there were some insurance issues with the prior authorization lapsing--so even more paperwork for the appeal. I really despise all the new automated phone systems that businesses have now. It took me about two hours after getting transferred, cut off, and dropped and having to go through all the prompts again before I was able to reach the right people to talk too. A person really has the time to be on the phone with three children under the age of 5 that need STRICT supervision! HA! I finally completed the taxes too--oh yeah, more paperwork with a very large return coming our way. We still had carryover from Jakob's adoption in 2006, all of Jada's carryover, and we finalized Jenay's adoption on December 30th, 2010. I know it will be awhile before we actually see the ENTIRE return. . . but we have big plans of paying our house off. Don't bother giving me the "you need the interest to write off on your taxes" speech. We take the standard deduction. It is ridiculous to pay $250 a month in interest. Financial freedom baby! :0)

Jenay turned one this month! Woot woot! I still can't believe she is one already. It has most definitely been an emotional year! I was over joyed when Jenay's birthmom and her sister called us on her birthday! FINALLY! We have not heard from her since August. We have made efforts with no success. They did call me on my cell phone (Yes, we finally paid off the minivan so we were able to budget a cell phone for me) so I know that she is receiving our letters and updates. I gave her my cell number as another option to reach us. I write our numbers in every letter I send. We made tentative plans to have her and her sister and her sister's baby come over to our house this weekend to visit with us and we never heard back from them. There are some complicated issues. . . but we called their residence and left messages on the home phone and a cell phone number. No call backs. I'm not convinced that it is because she is not ready for another visit yet. . . and I'm kind of at a loss if there is anything I can do. I am going to keep sending letters and updates with encouragement to contact us--any way that that is comfortable and available to them. I may even send her a book of stamps. Would that be weird? I seriously wish they could just come live with us. I am so sad inside about this that I can't even write about it. I am not giving up, though, ever. I was really pumped because I thought it might actually happen. . . and that there might be a serious possibility that all three of my angels would be able to be here at my house for Birth Mother's Day. I'm already so excited that two will be here. . . and they haven't met in person yet. I will do my very best to make it work. These women are such an important piece of my life that I don't know if I could live without any one of them.

I will try to get some photos up soon.

Friends

2011-03-05T17:43:00.000-06:00

God has sent me some pretty amazing friends throughout my lifetime. Friends that can call randomly through the years and it's like we were never apart. Friends that I have met recently and connect with like we've known each other forever. Friends whom I wish lived closer whom I only know through the internet and phone calls. Friends who have carried me through the thick and thin. Friends who have no clue what I have experienced. Friends who are experiencing the same things as me. Friends who know. Friends who get it. Friends who don't. Friends who show up when I need them the most. Friends who bring a meal just because. Friends who send things in the mail just because. Friends who email or call just because. All serving their purpose for whatever reason in my life. Gosh, I am so very lucky and I appreciate each and every one of them! My biggest wish is that my kids will someday feel as blessed as me to have the awesome friends that God has brought to my life. At the very least, I feel confident that they love each other. Gosh I love them all so very much! sniff sniff (my kids and all of my friends!)

God's plan

2011-02-25T08:29:00.000-06:00

Well, so much has happened in the last month! Here are some family photos of our fun day at the Mall of America. It was the day BEFORE we all got sick. Since then, we have all been on antibiotics, Jenay has been to the ER and diagnosed with RSV, and we are still getting up in the middle of the night to neb her. Grandma and Grandpa came to visit--well, to help us build a 2nd bathroom--and now Grandma is sick too. They got stranded here for a couple extra days because we got a dumping of over 12 inches of snow. My hubby has managed to stay well with this round of sickness. . .although he has been snoring like crazy the last couple of days. I have been sleeping on an air mattress in Jenay's bedroom so I can monitor her and I can hear him loud and clear like he is right next to me. It is a blessing in disguise that I am so freaked out about her coughing and feel the need to be in her room! :0) Just before all this was happening, Craig and I were feeling the stress of life, parental responsibilities, relationships, personal needs, and how the heck you manage it all. God sure has a way of putting things in perspective. Even though I am exhausted and pretty much home bound with the sick kids, I feel like things are back on track. I think we all have that tunnel vision and kind of feel trapped from all this snow. It reminds me how important it is to lean on others. My table leader from church brought us a meal last night--just because we have been so, well, sick and busy and exhausted here. I cannot even tell you what such a simple and loving gesture did for us. Small things speak very loudly. God is good and all things that happen are part of some greater plan. I really believe that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKOB!

2011-01-22T22:09:00.000-06:00

I can't believe Jakob will be 5 tomorrow. He must be excited--the kids would not go to sleep tonight. I hope they sleep well--we have a lot of fun planned for tomorrow! Happy birthday my sweet baby boy Jakob!!! Tomorrow we will honor your beautiful birthmother too for choosing to bring you into this world! We love you both so very much!

Minnesota winter fun!

2011-01-12T10:04:00.000-06:00

Here's a few of our pictures from our FIRST winter storm back in mid December. We do actually love the winter for the most part. We even thought about moving to Alaska at one point of our lives. Maybe someday. . . . but it seems Minnesota is doing the trick for us now. The kids were able to do some sledding with Grandpa while we visited them for Christmas. I knew I should have run out there with my camera, but watching them from the window was the most precious thing ever. I will never forget that. Grandpa dug some tunnels for them too. I'm so happy that my kids enjoy being outside!

IT'S OFFICIAL! HAPPY ADOPTION DAY!

2010-12-30T19:22:00.000-06:00

There was a time when I wasn't sure if we were going to ever be able to finalize Jenay's adoption. It has been a long and weathered road, and I'm sure our journey has only just begun, but we can now travel that road as an official FOREVER FAMILY! I could not be more thankful for all the help and support we have received from Lutheran Social Services, Walling, Berg & Debele, P.A., Gift of Adoption, Hennepin County Juvenile Court, and of course, all our family and friends! We are forever grateful to have Jenay's birthmom in our lives and hope that our relationship continues to grow and grow and grow. We love her so!

Adoption unknown. . .

2010-12-16T16:08:00.000-06:00

The thing with open adoption is just when you think you have it all figured out--something else throws you for a loop. I can sit and analyze, worry, speculate, assume, guess, ask, wonder, pray, pursue, succeed AND fail, and still not know the answers that I am looking for. I still don't know the role I am meant to take. I guess all I can do is to offer myself and make it clear--and I mean clear--that I will always be here, no matter what, no matter when, no matter how she wants to be in our life. Maybe she already knows this. Maybe she already feels this. Maybe she already knows how much we love her--for real. Maybe, for once in her life, she feels free and just needs to be who she was always meant to be. I wish I knew, though. . . I still wish I knew.

2010 Holiday Photo Contest: Christmas Wishes - Adoption Photos - Adoptive Families

2010-12-12T22:17:00.002-06:00

2010 Holiday Photo Contest: Christmas Wishes - Adoption Photos - Adoptive Families

I never enter contests. . . but I fell in love with this photo (hubby's toe included) and really love the Adoptive Families magazine and really hope to win a year's subscription since it just expired and we didn't renew due to our massive budget cut when Nay Nay came home to our family much quicker than we could have ever expected. AND, since we have had this AWESOME snow storm here in MN, it was a great time to do some things I don't normally have time to do! Hopefully, I can get some more photos of that up here for you!!! We've been having fun making our "outdoor" playground of tunnels and trails!!

Sweet music to my ears. . . .

2010-11-10T00:37:00.000-06:00

I remember the day that we got the call about Jenay's birthmom wanting to meet us like it was just yesterday. Of course, we didn't even know Jenay was a girl yet. Everything happened so fast. . . she was born the next day after the call and they had to change our match meeting place. So the next day we went to the hospital to meet T. We still didn't even know if she had a girl or boy yet. T is very quiet and not much was said so we had no clue what to think. We even got to meet baby Jenay before we left. The next day we had a phone conversation with T and about an hour later her social worker called us and asked us when we could come pick the baby up. There was just a little bit of chaos and we were still unsure if we were being chosen, or if we were kind of just being placed so baby wouldn't have to go to foster care. Due to the complexity of the situation, we knew that it would be some time before we would be out of legal risk and the longer Jenay was with us, the harder it became to face the reality that as long as we were in legal risk, her first momma could choose to parent her--meaning we would lose her. It's difficult to grieve that thought when you know that a birth parent is actually experiencing that grief. A birth parent that you love and deeply care for. A first parent that you want to hold tight to and make all their problems disappear with the blink of an eye. But yet, you don't want to lose that child that you already love so deeply, who is already a part of your heart.

Our agency has a "glimpse" of waiting parent's profiles online. You can't see the entire profile, but most of us on there have links to blogs or adoption sites with more information. We were on the up and up of openness and actually linked ours to my blog. When a family is matched--the agency will put that by their names. When they are out of legal risk, they will say, "Congrats on the arrival of a _________!" (Girl or Boy, obviously). I remember seeing "Matched" by our names after about a week and bursting into tears because the reality of being in legal risk for a long time finally hit me in the face. We breathed, sighed, slept, ate, tried not to think about it, prayed God would have His will be done--sooner than later--kept on living, breathing, sleeping, eating, taking care of babies and a gazillion other things on top of that. We have certainly been on a journey that is far from over, but has already brought us more than we could have ever imagined. On Wednesday, November 3, at 4:31pm, we were officially out of legal risk. We can now petition the court to officially adopt her. A new beginning for all of us.

But something was still missing. . . .

Until I visited the LSS Waiting Family site today and saw those sweet beautiful words written by our names, "Congratulations on the arrival of a girl!" Even though she has already been with us for eight months those words rang loud and clear that she is here to stay and that her and her beautiful birth mommy will always be a part of our lives! Thanks be to God!

2010-10-29T23:35:00.000-05:00

I have to be honest. . . I've been totally avoiding my blog because I haven't wanted to update anything. I guess we were not quite prepared for the undertaking that came along with this third process of adoption. It has been long and emotional and unpredictable and amazing and wonderful and beautiful and undeniably the right situation for our family, but so long and emotional and unpredictable. It has been difficult to know where our boundaries are and what our responsibilities should be. But, the simple truth is that in my heart, I know we are going to have to advocate for Jenay's birthmom. I know things have not been easy for her to get in touch with us. I know she has been extremely busy. I'm sure if this process has been emotional for us, that it has been 1000 times more emotional for her. We are supposed to have a visit this month and I'm not sure it's going to happen. We haven't heard from her--directly. I'm sure it's a combination of a bunch of things--but it still makes me sad. I'm sure we will be able to schedule something next month instead. I just want her to know that we will always be here for her. That we WANT to see her. That we do LOVE her!

I hope to see my three mommas soon! I have a ton to say. . .but I'm keeping it all inside for now. So, until I spill the beans. . . .here are some fun photos!

Did I forget to mention that I turned 40? OOPS! Here we are in DULUTH celebrating! Craig surprised me with my mom and dad! It was and awesome time despite Craig getting sick on the second day. We weren't able to do all the things we planned, but the weather was spectacular and we were able to be outside without our parkas!

I hope you all have a very happy Halloween! Here are some of our pre Halloween photos. I'm so behind on my blog that I have a million photos to choose from! I guess you will have to find me on facebook if you want to see more! :0)

GIFT OF ADOPTION FUND

2010-09-10T10:53:00.001-05:00

We all know that there is a financial aspect to adoption. Most of us try not to talk about it. It's something that may be difficult for our children to understand at a young age. Even if I didn't adopt, I wouldn't want my children to feel they are a financial burden in any way. I have heard people say that if you can't afford it, then you shouldn't be adopting. I do have to agree. .. to a certain extent. We plan, we budget, we cut from our budget, we go without things people feel are necessities (like cell phones, dates, babysitters, eating at restaurants--although we do take our kids to McDonald's every now and then--movies). We shop at garage sales or sales, rarely paying full price for anything. We research and wait for the best deals. We are THOSE people who ask sales associates for a discount and almost ALWAYS get one. We use cloth diapers--kind of a big investment up front, but we are on our third child now. . . saving big (and not to mention, saving some space in the land fill!). We always attempt our own repairs before calling a service person. We fixed our dishwasher (lucky), unclogged our bathtub (FINALLY), and we our sink is kind of draining, S L O W L Y. Hubby does our oil changes and I attempt hair cuts. . . ummmmmm. . . .not always with success. There are a million more cost cutters that we use. . . .

If you know us, or have read my blog--you know that we are in the process of completing our third adoption. We have funded all three without taking out loans. Well almost. Sometimes all the right things happen way before you have planned! We did not plan on getting chosen a mere six weeks after being in the book. Seriously. We thought it would be at least a year, probably closer to two. And then this special situation came to us and felt so right. Unfortunately, we didn't have that "year" to save up the rest of the money we needed so we cashed out a retirement fund to help, started selling things on craigslist, picked up extra shifts/hours at work, and took on more cleaning jobs. I am a firm believer that if you really want something, you can make it work. You just have to do the work to achieve your dreams. We are ordinary people, with dreams of having our family, just like anyone else. Sad part--we actually have $13000 in rollover of that awesome federal adoption tax credit--that we may never see. We really don't make a whole lot of money--remember we are ordinary people--and we only have 5 years to collect it. 2 years are gone and now we have 3 dependents. Slim to none that we will get even $5000 of it. Sad because it is ordinary families like ours that could really use it to help with life!

We are still in the process of completing our third adoption. We are still unsure of what the final costs will be. Our social worker told us about GIFT OF ADOPTION and felt that our family and our special situation met the criteria to be eligible for a grant. WHAT?!? You mean ask for money when we have always done things for ourselves? So we applied. It was not an easy process. Kind of like a homestudy with lots of questions. :0) Trust me, they are not just handing out money! haha! Enough said. . .

Gift of Adoption awarded us a grant to help complete our adoption! It was truly another blessing in our lives that we were not expecting! Sometimes all the right things happen at the right time! :0) I encourage anyone thinking about making a charitable donation to check out the GIFT OF ADOPTION FUND. Donations to the Gift of Adoption Fund help ordinary families like us get across that finish line with a little less financial burden, with a little more hope and a little less worry about being able to provide for these children that we love so very much. They gave us back some of our time to spend with our family. They gave us back some of our sanity. They gave us back some time to just breath. They gave to us without taking away our dignity. We hope to repay them someday, by giving back to another family, just like us, in a little need to get over that hump. We hope you will think about it too.

Join the Gift of Adoption cause on Facebook!
Add Gift of Adoption as your Facebook Friend!

Get the word out! The more money that is donated, the more grants they can award! Think of all the lives you can have such a great and wonderful impact on! :0) Here are some recent pictures of our beautiful family celebrating at the wedding of Jakob's birthmother's sister's wedding. Confused? We'll just call her aunt Megan.

God's Grace

2010-08-12T14:55:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I wish I was that brilliant writer, you know, the one who could bring tears to your eyes--or the one who could convince you to give money for the causes I believe in or the people I meet whom are truly in need. I wish I could put my exact feelings down on paper (or in my blog) sharing all the amazing things that have happened to me and my family. I wish I could shout out to the world that all their judgments and insecurities are not valid in my world and that love is possible--no matter what. I want to tell the world how God has had a divine influence upon my heart and how his grace has brought great reflection in my life. On the outside it is probably pretty obvious. Just look at my family.

Straight from my husband's anniversary card--which seems to sum things up pretty well:

12 WONDERFUL YEARS

3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN

We are a trans-racial family created through open adoption. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that I would have such beautiful children, children that looked so different than me. People on the outside look in and always say what a wonderful thing we are doing. They don't get it. (And I truly hate it when they say it.) I wish I could convey even the slightest truth of how my children's first mothers uplift me. How they have taught me to love big. How they have taught me to trust. How they have taught me patience. How they make me feel every time we get together. How they have challenged me like I have never been challenged before. How I cry every time they leave. How they have taught me that my life wouldn't be complete without them. How they have proven God's grace.

We finished up our cooperative agreement with Jenay's birthmom. AND--I have permission to post photos of her in my blog. So, here are two of my angels--(We will continue to respect Jada's birthmom and keep her photos private.) Oh how I love them all so. . . .

Happy Birthday Jada!

2010-07-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow we will be reaching another milestone in our family. Jada turns 2! Yes--she is ONLY turning 2! She is sassy, always on the go, always hungry, a Nuk addict, so funny, loving, and concerned about everyone else. She will light your path to a new way of thinking. She will do things you never thought a 2 year old could do. She will say things that will amaze you. She will hold on tight and never let you go until you peel her off--or tell her that dinner is ready and she is at the table in a split second. I could not imagine my life without her. I'm no Duff--but I love to make my birthday cakes. Jada would have probably loved to have a Dora cake, but I managed to make a watermelon cake with homemade totally fattening frosting. I have sampled some and it is very yummy. I just hope it doesn't end up on that other website of cakes gone wrong! haha! Jada has already been in the frosting. . . but has not seen the finished product. I will finish up the fine details tonight after she is in bed.

All three kids are napping, not by some miracle, Jakob is actually sick (hence my ability to finally post something). I wouldn't expect anything less for a weekend packed with plans. The life with kids--you have to be flexible--that's for sure! Things are always changing! :0) Jada is just excited to open her presents--and didn't know about anything else--so if we can't go anywhere, nobody will know the difference. She's been carrying around the box her grandma and grandpa sent her for two days now! I should really be wrapping presents, but I guess I'll do that tonight after everyone goes to sleep.

A few weeks ago jada's birthmother Carmen came to visit. As always--it was an amazing and wonderful time. It is easy to see where Jada gets her energy from. All of our kids adore her (they adore all of the angel mommies in our family). As tradition follows, me and Carmen stayed up into the wee hours of the night (well, around 1:30am) just hanging out and talking. I cannot even explain how awesome it is to feel that connection. I'm happy that it isn't just about Jada and that our relationship is equally important to each other. (In case you were wondering. . . Craig does participate, but due to the fact that he gets up at 5am for work--he usually has to bow out of our late night chats and go to bed.) Girl time rocks anyway. I have had some of my best hours just hanging with my children's first moms. We talk about everything. The nitty gritty, the ups, the downs, the boyfriends, the jobs, the kids, pretty much anything. I think that is so cool. So today, I am thinking especially about Carmen and how she is feeling. Wondering if she is happy or sad or both or something completely different. I just want her to know how much we all love her--and I hope she believes it.

Here is Jada after coming inside. . . at least she is just dirty and not soaking wet this time. She is a true diva with her sassy voice, "No, pictures please."

Rest up dear Jada--tomorrow is a big big day!

Jesus loves us.

2010-07-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I'm doing it all wrong. . . until a little conversation like this happens. . . . .

Jakob: "Mom, when you die, (me thinking, oh no, here we go) you will go to be with Jesus." (Me thinks okay, this isn't so bad.)
Me: "That's right Jakob, when did you get so smart?"
Jakob: "When I die, I will go to be with Jesus."
Me: "Yes Jakob."
Jakob: "When Jada dies, she will go to be with Jesus."
Me: "Yes Jakob."
Jakob: "And when Dada dies, he will go to be with Jesus."
Me: "Yes, Jakob."
Jakob: "And when Jenay dies she will go to be with Jesus too."
Me: "Yes, Jakob. When we die, we will all leave the Earth and go to Heaven and we will all be with Jesus together."
Jakob: "That will be so cool."

2010-06-11T22:47:00.001-05:00

Time flies. . . We have been so busy. What have we been doing? Bike rides, gardening, parks, family visits, visits with birth families, doctor appointments, paperwork, daily chores, backed up sewer, broken dishwasher, fridge on the fritz, crashed computer (good thing we have a spare one), lost photos, swinging, swimming, driving, cooking for others, finished preschool, new photos, grant application, meetings, sleeping through most nights, teething (Jada, not Jenay), potty training?, cleaning, bible study and much much more. I could not be more in love with my life right now--even with the given complexities. I am more sensitive to the world around me and more aware of the things happening. I can't always speak up--literally, because I can't. Strangely, I feel at peace. Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 My anxieties have been cast and I trust in God with all my heart. How can I not with all the gracious blessings He has already brought to me?

Mother and Child

2010-05-12T16:37:00.000-05:00

This is something that I have to see. In fact, it will the first date night for hubby and me since, well, um, maybe since Craig's work Christmas party. . . but I don't think that counts as a date. That's kind of something you have to do. It will be the first time out where we are the only two and have only ourselves to converse with. haha! I'm sure I will just be crying during the movie anyway, AND, we seriously wouldn't be offended if any of our Minnesota adoption friends showed up too.

Here's the trailer page on facebook.

Hopefully it will be coming soon to your neck of the woods! Here's the showtime schedule. Here's the facebook page.

Quick hello!

2010-04-23T10:11:00.002-05:00

Jakob and Jada feeding "salad" aka hosta leaves to the bugs

Nap time. . . I have yet to find time for a nap!

Diva Girl! I look at Jada and see Carmen (her birthmother) and I am reminded how awesome it is that all three of our birthmoms are in our lives!

My little turkey boy. Jakob is the smallest kid in his preschool class. His birthmom Kaiti isn't exactly very tall herself and neither is anyone in her family for that matter! :0)

Restoring order to our meal times with the Keekaroo chair that I spotted over on Mike and Katie's blog. Thanks guys! We are waiting for our second one to arrive! Purchased at Baby on Grand in Hopkins. Yes, they have a store on Grand Ave. too in St. Paul--but I live closer to Hopkins!

Not much time to blog anything else. I am planning to visit with T (Jenay's birthmom) sometime this weekend or early next week. Looking forward to some quiet time with her and Jenay! :0) I love all my kids dearly--but there is no such thing as a "quality" visit when they are all present! Have a fantastic weekend!

I better go. . . we are expecting a new adoptive mom here soon to visit with her sweet baby girl! Can't wait! Love meeting new families in the adoption community! Yeah!

2010-04-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

Today we found out that the FAR check (Minnesota Father's Adoption Registry) was clear. It feels nice to have one more step in our process completed.

2010-04-07T20:18:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow will already be four weeks since Jenay was born! I simply cannot believe that it has been that long already! Last Thursday we met T's (Jenay's birthmother) mother, her sister and her sister's two month old baby. We had a wonderful time getting to know each other and just hanging out taking care of all the kids--Jakob and Jada came along too! It felt like we had known each other forever. I could just squeeze them all tight with huge hugs of love. I have the most cherished photo ever of all of us, but again, can't post it for the respect of their privacy. It makes me smile every time I look at it. I hope they know just how much we really do love them.

We had our first post-placement home visit on Tuesday. Nothing out of the ordinary. I think people often wonder why adoption has such large fees--take a look at all the running around, extra hours for meetings, births and discharges, report writing, phone calls, court prep, etc. that these social workers are doing! I can only tell you that our workers in this case are definitely going the extra mile helping with rides, counseling, offering support, and just plain putting in a lot of hours--and that is just our case. WE are so thankful that we found Lutheran Social Services!!!!

Our biggest transition yet is moving Jakob and Jada into the same bedroom for now. There have been a lot of late night giggles and early morning awakenings--making for two crabby kids. But, they have been going to bed at the same time and it is getting quiet much quicker now! haha! It is easier to keep a bedtime routine.

Jenay seems to like to be held--all day and all night. There is no way I would have ever had Jakob sleep in our bed with us when he was this little. It is funny how your own rules change with each child. She is sweeter than sweet! It is like she has always been here in our family. She will be just as spoiled as our other children--imagine that.

I have always thought about what our children would be like if they were raised in their original birth order. All of our children were our birthparents' first born. Jakob is the sensitive one--and very cautious for being the "first born" and a boy at that too. Jada--well, she is totally wild and crazy! She is definitely the perfect personality for a strong willed middle child--nothing will ever stop her. And little Jenay. . . it only seems appropriate that she is the baby of the family. She is totally adored by all of us. I am so very blessed beyond words. I look forward to what the future brings. I look forward to an even louder and more chaotic household filled with lots of laughter. I'm sure there will be a lot of yelling too--we are always trying to talk over all the noise! :0) And don't forget the fighting. . . you know that's going to happen. haha! Off to care for my baby. Life is good!

Smiles!

2010-04-04T22:25:00.008-05:00

Gotta just love it when baby smiles at Momma! Maybe she just really loves her new "G" diapers. So far I'm diggin' them. . . I'm sick of buying newborn disposables so we got a few of the G's until Jenay grows into our Bum Genius ones. It helps that our infant soakers from our Bum Genius fit into these diapers--it saves us a ton! I am really liking these, though. . .

2010-03-24T18:15:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhhhh. . . things are so content here. Well, besides baby Jada running a fever and sounding like a seal and barely being able to breath. Jenay is doing pretty well with her sleeping. She sporadically has some nights where she seems to be experiencing acid reflux--and up most of the night--mostly on the nights where Jada is up on and off with her sickness. We are praying the baby doesn't catch anything. I'm content with her sleeping during the day for now since she isn't around Jada as much. We are venturing back to the doctor on Friday for a recheck on her weight (unless Jada seems worse tomorrow, warranting an earlier visit.) Jakob is holding his own. . . and has been active with dad outside. He is coughing too. I blame it on preschool. He is on spring break now, so hopefully we can kick it all before we return (only to get sick again when school starts up again! haha!)

Jenay's birthmom came over to visit yesterday. It was so nice to see her outside of the hospital! She is a very quiet person (and being that this is really only the second time we have seen her), not much was said. She just held Jenay and I took lots of great photos! I know you want to see photos. . .but we will respect her privacy. Jenay looks just like her, so, really, you know what she looks like! :0) I just adore her and look so forward to building a relationship with her and watching her grow in her life--heck--I hope to be a part of that process! Jakob wanted her to stay and Jada could say her name perfectly. They sure like to show off when we have people over. I hope she didn't think our family is too wild! :0) I hope she knows that she is so loved by our entire family. I didn't want to be all creepy mushy to her on her first visit to our house. We talked with Jakob about who she is and that she is Jenay's birthmom. I asked him who his birthmom was and he said, "Kaiti", then I asked him who Jada's birthmom was and he said, "Carmen." So, he's getting it. It made me feel like I'm doing something right with explaining this whole adoption thing with my kids. I really couldn't ask for better! We are so blessed, so very blessed!

Open Adoption Bloggers Interview Project

2010-03-22T12:07:00.006-05:00

Here it is! In the last couple of weeks, besides having two sick children and an infant placed in our home with very short notice, I've had the distinct pleasure of participating in the Open Adoption Bloggers Interview Project! I was matched with Babs over at From Foster Child to Social Worker and have been amazed by her story and her passion to help others. Be sure to go check her blog out. . . she has an incredible life story--and you will understand more why I asked the questions that I did. Babs has endured more in her childhood than most of us could ever even imagine enduring in our whole entire lifetime. As you read from her blog title. . . she is now a social worker, most likely an AMAZING social worker, because she can truly relate to these children who need help, love, encouragement, consistency, relationships that are not abusive, neglectful, and damaging to the soul. So don't forget to support Babs with lots of encouragement as she continues to tell us her story. ALSO--that's where her questions for me will be posted. :0) I seriously could have written a book, but I was lacking in the time (and sleep) to get "in the zone" and focus--so please feel free to ask any more questions that may come about!

I do have to say that Babs came into my life at a very special time for a very special reason. I do believe it is God's work. She has already become a very special person to me and I look forward to getting to know her even better and using her INCREDIBLE knowledge whenever I feel I need it! Thanks Babs! :0)

And because this is such a cool project, visit Production Not Reproduction for the entire list and links to all the bloggers that have participated in this project! Happy reading! I know it is going to take me awhile to get through all of them! :0)

Here are my interview questions for Babs:

I used to work at a juvenile crisis center and it seemed that no matter how "awful" the parents may have been to their children, they always wanted their acceptance and a relationship with them--mostly that fantasy relationship that was never going to happen. I think I can come to the conclusion that your mother was abusive. How important was her relationship and acceptance to you? Would you still be seeking that relationship if she were still alive?

My relationship with my mother meant everything to me, even as an adult.(I still grieve for what could never be) I never stopped seeking her approval or acceptance until several years after she died. I know that is she were still alive I would still be engaged in trying to please her and make her proud to be my mother, even at the cost of my own mental health. Because of this knowledge, I don't think open adoptions are always in the best interest of the child. On the other hand, if the children I work with are older (teen years), I believe that open adoptions are often best because when that child turns 18, they are most likely going to seek their biological family out again. That being the case, it would be better to allow that contact to continue so that the child can be assisted in learning to cope 1. with the dysfunctional/toxic relationship that exists among the biological family members. (If they aren't taught those skills then they are less likely to have developed an ability to separate their own self-esteem, role in the family, and individual thinking patterns. And 2. I think it's important for the child to be in therapy learning to understand that their disappointment in a failed or dysfunctional relationship is not their fault or a reflection of them as a person. If they aren't allowed to continue that relationship (if they are older children), the fantasy of how things will be with their birth family at adulthood reunification will be doomed because they don't have realistic expectations.

Do you find this to be the same with the children that you work with now? (desiring that unconditional love/relationship with their parents)

Yes, without a doubt. It doesn't matter what the children experienced or how bad it was. There seems to be something inherently basic (like breathing) that without fail causes children to yearn for the love and acceptance of their parents.

How important do you think ongoing contact is even in very difficult situations (such as abuse, neglect, etc.) once children are removed from the home and possibly adopted.

I think it depends of the nature and cause of the abuse/neglect as well as the ability of the parents to make positive changes that don't continue to further cause detrimental situations and/or feelings regarding the child. Additionally, from a professional standpoint, it's important the children are protected from broken promises, manipulation, triangulation of the parents and the adoptive parents etc. Age is also a consideration. There are so many variables that I think each situation needs to be evaluated by a team of concerned parties (the adoptive parents wishes, the therapist, the child (depending on age) , the social worker etc). Some children may need to completely break ties to recover, while others need at least some communication (even if it's just yearly Christmas letters or something)

Open contact hasn't been all that difficult for us in our adoption situations partly because they are "easy" situations (as in no abuse, drugs, alcohol, etc.), partly because we are just open people and partly because our birthparents are also open and not afraid to ask us if they need/want anything. But, I do know that not everybody and every situation is like ours. Is there something you can express and reiterate why (or why not) openness and honesty is important no matter how difficult or easy the situation might be.

I think that if it's a workable situation, that honesty and openness are a very big part of having a healthy self identity. I have found that children who either find out they were adopted later, or that their parents lived across town and they never were able to just check in and know a.) what kind of person their parents were/are and if they are "okay" and b). that they were loved by all parties involved (or not which they need to be allowed to deal with) often develop trust issues, identity issues, emotional and reactive issues that could have been avoided or minimized.

Please note that by me using the word "easy", I am not saying that adoption is easy. I am using the term to generalize situations that don't have an excessive amount of complications involved. (Like things such as physical/sexual/verbal abuse, substance abuse, rape, incest, etc.) 2. How can an ordinary person (like me vs. a professional) help a child recover from traumatic happenings. I know every human is different--but from your own personal and professional experience what can people who really care do to make a difference? I know "recovery" just doesn't happen per say, as it is always ongoing. . . . and kind of a lifestyle.

A couple of things come to mind.

Be able to listen and read between the lines.

Educate yourselves and educate them... through self help books, support groups, therapy, etc.

Don't beat a dead horse. There comes a time when it's time to be normal. At the same time, recovery cycles and even the most normal of children have triggers that they may not even recognize. Why did the smell of sweet potato casserole just make me cry? Why do I suddenly feel disconnected from everyone? etc

The most single important thing though, is that a child's recovery and reactions are not personal. They need tools, they need to understand themselves and they need space to grow. Children push others away because they don't want to be hurt. They are curious about their birth families because it's natural, not because they don't love you. They may always struggle with people pleasing or pushing others away to some degree. They need to learn to recognize, develope a postive self-esteem, and still have boundaries. Don't let things slide because you feel sorry for them. Parents aren't doing their children any favors by "reactive parenting". Set the boundaries they need, but be prepared to have a lot of discussions about why they are important for their lives and the health of the family as a whole.

And finally, never give up. If one method doesnt work, try something else. Please remember that even if you think your child isn't listening, they are. They store that information. Someday it will be something they can use. Maybe not on OUR timeline, but it's not a wasted effort.

How has your childhood helped you to become a better person today?

Someone told me that everything in life I had gone through was to prepare me for my purpose. So I definately try to take lemons and make lemon-aide LoL. But it was a long journey and I still hope that I'm learning and growing every single day. I know that I have been facing some feelings I've ignored that shape decisions I make every day. I have to reflect, get feedback, be honest with myself etc.

Has it given you traits that you wish you didn't have?

Yes, I constantly need to check myself. Am I distancing myself from important relationships in my life because I don't trust as easily as others. Am I people pleasing because my self-esteem is low. Am I engaging in reactive parenting with my own children out of fear that they won't have a "good mother". There's a fine line between moving on and living a normal life and ignoring the things you need to deal with. I have to find that balance and am lucky enough to be able to recognize that. Recognition is key... then we can do the work.

Do you feel you can love and be loved?

I definately can. I think the difference with me (and I'm not speaking for others) is that I love completely or not at all. I allow you in or not at all. Beginning this blog was important for me to do because of that and is one of the reasons I've started doing it. I need to see that I can be accepted for who and where I am, history, flaws, spiritual crisis and all. I personally need to stop being embarrased about my past and my feelings. I need other people to understand that what a person has experienced shapes them. Many times people make quick assumptions or see things in black and white. (e.g you're not a Christian, so you must be a bad person or you were promiscuous as a teen, therefore you are an immoral person). I easily accepted love from my grandmother and my children. Those were easy. Other relationships have been more work. My sibling relationship, my relationship with my husband, friendships, have all seen days that I withdrew, threw up walls, etc. Luckily, they know that and wait for me. Talk to me. They give me space if I need it and are there when I'm ready. THAT is true love. So yes, I feel that I can give and receive that, but I have to work harder at it.

Do you plan to blog more about your story?

Yes, I have been stalling because I'm entering an age in my life story where I really do some bad things and I guess I'm a little scared. I promised myself I'd be as honest as I could be (although somethings will never be told, not even to my family). I might need a little prodding now and then. I'm not telling this story for sympathy because I don't need sympathy. No foster child wants sympathy fyi :) I need to know that it's helping someone else understand their children. I personally have a billion "easy" (easily answered on paper but probably not in the heart) questions that would be answered if you do! :0)

Heaven!

2010-03-19T19:50:00.000-05:00

Welcome baby Jenay!

2010-03-12T21:03:00.000-06:00

If your in our heart. . . your in our family! No matter how long or short you may be with us. . . you will always be a part of our family! We love you baby Jenay!

2010-03-04T23:15:00.001-06:00

PRODUCTION NOT REPRODUCTION will be hosting THE GREAT INTERVIEW EXPERIMENT. Sign up on Heather's blog to be part of the fun.

The details:

1. Sign up no later than March 5.

2. By March 7, I will send you an email letting you know your interview partner's info.

3. Read through that person's blog. You don't need to read their entire archives. But read enough to get to know them a little, especially their posts on adoption.

4. Send your partner 5-10 creative questions by email. They don't all need to be about adoption.

5. Answer the questions your partner sends to you.

6. On March 22, post the interview on your own blog, introducing your readers to another fabulous open adoption blogger.

Sick Days of Winter!

2010-02-27T21:59:00.001-06:00

We've been trying to make the best of our days while we are rotating some lovely form of sickness through our house. Not much exciting to tell. . . . but if you know us. . . you know that this is not Jada's normal state.

You have to view the above picture very carefully. . . .Jada is sleeping while standing up!
And then, pretty much all they will eat is Popsicles! Remember those days? Jakob's mouth was blue for a whole day--I had one too--they were yummy! We do keep them stocked in our house since it is pretty much the only way I can get Jada to sit still long enough to comb through her hair.

Jada decided to empty out the silverware drawer. . . so when I actually saw how dirty it was in there with all the silverware out, we decided to make it a family activity. Who would have thought the kids would have so much fun cleaning silverware?

Then Jada got herself dressed up with her beads, went shopping and collected all the potatoes in her bag--she is a strong one!

Then, she fed one of her babies. She is going to be such an adoring big sister!

And then there is Jakob, always making funny faces and trying to show off the food in his mouth--total boy. This time it was a banana. At least my kids like fruit! Today, we caught him helping Jada undress to go potty on the potty chair. It was in his room since our bathroom is so small and we moved the stool back in there so the kids could wash their hands by themselves since we've all been sick. He was trying to get Jada's diaper back on and she was cooperating more for him than she does for us. It was so very cute. I wish I had a photo!

Things seem to be getting better. We have cancelled all of our outings just so we can all get some much needed rest and just get back to being 100% healthy. It is interesting that this round of sickness started after the kids finally got their 2nd H1N1 vaccinations. They were finally well enough to get it and BINGO--they are sick again. There is no preschool on Tuesday. . . so that should help. Craig and I have been running errands solo--it's weird to be in a store without the kids. They usually go EVERYWHERE with me. I sure do dink around more when I'm by myself! haha! I have found some fantabulous deals at Target this weekend because I have been able to dig through the clearance without any outside disturbances! :0) I hope to get out for a walk tomorrow. Being cooped up has also meant I've been eating way too much junk! I hope you are all staying well!!!!

For the LOVE OF CUTENESS!

2010-02-18T09:20:00.000-06:00

This is what I found when I came home from my training session Tuesday night. With Daddy being sick. . . I guess nobody had any energy to make it to bed. Who needs a bed anyway? They can't wait to sleep in the same room together--but with their bedtimes so different lately, and the fact that they would probably cause trouble rather than sleep, we haven't made the switch yet. They were O. U. T.! They did not even wake up when we finally took them to bed! My little angels! :0)

Match Meeting Update

2010-02-16T16:19:00.000-06:00

We have just heard from our social worker and have found out that this young woman is going to try to parent. After telling her family, she was receiving a much greater amount of support than she thought she would. We feel relieved that she has this support. So, back to the book for us. We, of course, feel a little sadness, but who wouldn't? We cannot express enough how much we believe that it is all in God's hands and that He will only hand us what we can handle. We pray that all of her hopes and dreams come true!

Now, totally switching gears. . . we are finally online with LSS. Something more to look forward too. I hope that everyone remembers to thank God tonight for all of their blessings!

Match Meeting

2010-02-16T11:11:00.002-06:00

I have forgotten how emotionally intense and emotionally draining a match meeting is. You go into it with great anticipation and excitement and face the reality that this is one of the most difficult decisions a parent will probably have to make in their lives for their child. You grieve for their potential loss and the pain they are experiencing. You hurt for their hearts. You wonder how they even had the strength to show up to meet you. You wonder what they thought of you. My husband and I hope that this young woman and her mother left feeling like all their questions were answered. We hope they felt supported and loved by us. We hope we have helped them to know in their hearts what their decision will be--even if it isn't to place her baby with us. We do truly believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason. He felt they needed us (or we needed them) and that we needed to meet. Even though this will be our third child, the process has not been any easier (except for maybe the wait for the match meeting). It still is as emotionally intense as I remember when me met Jakob's birthmom and her mother for the first time. (We didn't have a match meeting with Jada's birthmom--she just chose us and we came and picked up Jada--that was "easy"--so to speak.) We have no idea what to expect--none--nada--zippo. I pray that she feels at peace with whatever decision she makes and that we will always be here to support her, no matter what. She really is amazing--really!

We have been talking about our match meeting with the kids. We said we were going to meet with someone like Kaiti and Carmen who wanted to find a family for their baby and that she wanted to meet us to see if she wanted her baby to come to our family. Evidently Jakob thought we were bringing a baby home and was severely disappointed when we got home. He asked where the baby was. The look on his face was so heart breaking. I really didn't think he was processing what we were saying to that level. He surprises me every day. It is just a reminder how important it is to keep talking about our children's adoption stories to them. They are listening and they want to know. It was a treat to actually have Kaiti be able to watch Jakob and Jada while we were at our match meeting. The kids love her to death!!! Oh, we are so blessed already it is impossible to think that it could really happen again. It's in God's hands!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-12T21:26:00.001-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

We went to Jakob's school dance tonight and had a lot of fun! Jada took awhile to warm up. Classic photo below--does that feel familiar from back in the day? Once she was comfortable--off she went--running!

Jakob danced with a lot of encouragement, but really enjoyed the light show and spent most of his time trying to catch them. He has been so goofy lately that we just can't stop laughing! I can't upload video, but here is his goofy Valentine sticker picture. Too bad his undies don't have hearts on them! haha!

I've been trying to make some changes to my blog and somehow changed things a bit too much. I have managed to delete all my blog links (but you can still view my complete file to find most of them there) and I have no clue how to upload videos now. It's been a slow process for me as I've been trying to spend more of my time working on our photo album for LSS. I had a goal to get it done before the outreach training--and that didn't happen. Then, my second goal was to have it done in time to hand it in at the "waiting" family meeting at the end of March. Well, I thought Jada's story was unbelievable, but I guess crazier things can happen! We got "a call" on Thursday, Feb 11th at approximately 5:01pm from our social worker and we will be having a match meeting sometime early next week with an expectant parent! Ummmmm. . . I really shouldn't be blogging right now--but working on that photo album! Like we got any sleep last night! :0) We still don't know exactly when our meeting is going to be, but we pray it all works out as it should. We simply CAN NOT WAIT to meet her! We were bummed that we had to wait so long. There have been a lot of emotions flowing through our household! I will certainly keep you updated with anything that I can. . . but in the meantime. . . we ask everyone to pray for this young woman. Give her strength, love, support and peace. I hope she likes us. I wonder if I should go get my hair cut. . . . I wonder what she is wondering about us. I wonder if she is as nervous as we are. From what I already know--she has done some pretty amazing things--I wonder if she knows that. I wonder if she knows how much we already love her--even if she doesn't choose us. I wonder if she is as anxious as we are to meet. I am definitely not going to get any sleep this weekend! I better go get started on our photo album! It is generally used for a conversation piece, but if you know Craig and me. . . we really don't have any problems talking--do we? :0)

This is why. . . .

2010-02-05T11:58:00.006-06:00

I am behind on my blog, behind on uploading photos to facebook, behind on anything that may require leaving Jada unsupervised for just 2 seconds. She is quick, she is fast and she is capable of doing anything you would think a 19 month old could never do. (I should also mention that I have been behind since we have all been fighting sickness essentially since Thanksgiving! I've been going to bed early and resting every possible moment to get well. I'm happy to say after a long road of antibiotics, inhaler, and a treatment of prednisone, I am seemingly almost back to normal. Now, hopefully I won't catch the kids' sickness again!)

This is why my daughter amazes me every day. How the heck can she get there in 2 seconds and balance?

This is why we keep getting sick. . . Jada loves to brush her teeth and grabs whatever toothbrush she can get her hands on. This one is Jakob's and he is currently fighting a cough!

This is probably why our bathroom appears to be clean. . . with all the water I've been having to clean up! Remember. . . she is doing all of this while holding herself up with one toe on the drawer knob.

This is why I better go get something of importance done while Jada sleeps! :0)

APPROVED!

2010-01-14T14:49:00.006-06:00

We are officially homestudy approved as of 1/4/2010! Yeah! I can't believe we are starting the adoption journey again! I am so excited! Currently, we are on a waiting list to get into the book. We are #5 to be exact. It may take a few months to get into the book, but we are thankful that we are done with all the nitty gritty paper work and our profile. I still have to work on our photo album (an extra item for those interested to page through). I've been plagued with all kinds of viruses (me, not my computer) lately and just couldn't even sit at the computer to work on it. Now, I'm playing catch up with disinfecting the house, getting laundry done, reading everyone else's blogs, watching American Idol, listing things on craigslist to make more space in our house and save money for the adoption (even if it is only $5 or $10 every now and then), and just having to be the eagle eye for my dare devil Jada who insists on climbing everything. I really can't get anything done unless she is sleeping. She has graduated into a toddler bed--since she climbs out of her crib--so keeping her in bed is even more of a challenge.

Christmas was fun!! It was awesome to have all of our family make it to mom and dad's with the bad weather. Aside from the fact that Jakob had pneumonia and Jada had an ear infection. It really hasn't been a lucky winter for us in the health department! But, Jada and I were able to show off our matching"Lucky Brand" shirts on Christmas day. Jakob stayed in his pj's for a couple of days. . . they were so soft and warm! Thanks Carmen! Hope 2010 brings everyone the blessings they have hoped for!

Who's ready for Christmas?!?

2009-12-16T21:45:00.004-06:00

WE ARE!!

If we have to wait. . . then so do you! Fun stuff to come in the future!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T13:43:00.005-06:00

Our house has not been left short with things to do! I'm glad I got a head start on some of our "summery" November days and set up our outdoor Christmas decorations since these past two weeks I've been blessed with what is now a sinus infection which has pretty much knocked me on my hiney! I say blessed because just before I got sick, I met with my mom's group at church and we committed to choosing a bible verse to memorize. I chose, "Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger James 1:19". God works in mysterious ways. He took my voice with my sickness--so I couldn't speak. He took my energy so I was certainly unable to even get angry at anything. All I could do was listen--and that I did. All those simple things we take for granted. My kids have been amazing through all of this. It's like they know they need to be helpful, and nice, and good--most of the time. I can't expect them to be that ALL of the time! :0)

I also chose a second verse, "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5" It has always been a verse that has helped me through our adoption process--for both me and our childrens' birth families. I know that adoption can bring much sadness, but I pray that we can all rejoice as our families come together to celebrate God's gifts! But, the reason I wanted to remember this verse again, is through my grief of losing two highschool classmates this past month. It is still unknown to me how one has died, but the other lost her battle to breast cancer after a 2 year battle. I took for granted that her strong and spunky personality would get her through this. It is difficult to grieve, knowing that they have gone to be with Jesus, but so hard to let go of them at such a young age. Both were only 39 and will be greatly missed by many until we all meet again.

I just don't have enough time to write about everything I would love to tell you! If you know me personally. . . you know I love to talk and definitely love to babble in emails. I hope you all can find something fortunate in your life this holiday season. This time of year has always brought me great joy and I am so excited to celebrate with friends and family! (I just need to ditch my cough!) haha! Here's some more pictures of my blessings!

Jakob and Jada are "cooking something". If you look closely, though, Jada is taking bites out of the raw potatoes--which, Jakob thinks are kiwi. At least they aren't fighting! :0)

Another loving moment! I just can't get enough of these!

Celebrating Thanksgiving with Jakob's birthmom (and her family whom are not pictured--haha). I was not feeling well, so Craig pretty much did everything. The food was great along with the company and we are doing it all over again for Christmas! Yeah! We have found that it is much easier to have people to our home--since we know about 99% of homes just aren't Jada proofed! :0)

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-28T14:23:00.004-05:00

I can't believe that Halloween is almost here! The kids are growing at an alarming rate. . . They are becoming the daring duo--giving me plenty of lip biting terrifying moments. After a bed jumping party, Jada split her lip wide open (I was at work for this one--which is probably good). After it finally healed. . . she decided to face plant into the floor totally bruising her front tooth. Only time will tell if it turns grey and falls out. Jakob has a grey tooth too. If I didn't know any better. . . I would think they are trying to be as much like each other as possible. I watch the kids like a hawk and this stuff still happens. Jada even started to roll away in a shopping cart at our Halloween trick or treat party only to be saved by the dude dressed up as a milk carton (or something like that). He stepped out of the store to cool off right in time to stop Jada's cart from rolling into the parking lot, possibly tipping over, or even worse, getting hit by a car. I do know that God was watching over us right at that very moment! Parenthood equals lots of deep breaths and often a lot of panicking! :0) Who would have ever known?

Ha ha! This one makes me laugh out loud every time I see it!

My free spirit!

Pre-school!

2009-09-15T21:47:00.005-05:00

Today was Jakob's first day of pre-school embarking yet another milestone of my babies growing up. It was a really difficult day for me--I guess I'm of the rare breed--tears spilling before he woke up, tears on the way to school, tears when he said, "Oh, there's my pre-school!", using all my might to hold back the tears when he started to get a little teary eyed. . . wanting me to go in with him, tears on the way out (I was the only one that I saw crying. . . . sheesh!), tears on the ride home, tears a couple of times while at home and then I think I was done--for awhile. I could not wait to pick him up. Jada screamed with delight when she saw him. We just sat and hugged each other for a little bit--everyone else was gone when we were done. I was in no hurry to rush him out the door!! I asked him if he cried at all and he said, "no."

He had red and green grapes for snack and pee peed in a "loud toilet", sat on a yellow circle, and went on three slides at the "park" (playground). I was teary eyed again when Craig called to check in and again when people at work asked about how the day went. I'm sure it's not the last time I will cry. . . I'm just an emotional person and I certainly don't try to hide how I'm feeling. I got some great shots of the first day and do look foward to taking many more in the future of every 1st day of school! I'm sure I will cry every year!

CHA CHA CHANGES!

2009-09-01T16:45:00.011-05:00

Wow! Has time flown! Life has definitely been keeping me busy (mostly Craig, Jakob and Jada--all equally pining for my love and attention.) Poor Craig. . . the kids almost always win my attention first. We've been working on "enriching" our relationship as "husband and wife"--or at least giving it some more time rather than always being "mom and dad." It's definitely not as easy as it sounds with our busy schedules, lack of family in MN, lack of funds to pay for resources, and just that feeling of not wanting to take advantage of others. (Not to mention that I miss being with my babies almost instantly after leaving!) I'm not sure I will ever get over that!

I'm going to have to learn how to deal with it since Jakob will be starting preschool in a couple of weeks. I just look at him and wonder when the heck he got so "big" (as in age--he is still a petite child!). At least I will be in parent education one day of his preschool--so he won't be so far away! haha! He comes up with the funniest things. Like, Jada, mama and dada will be in school with me. He has really developed into a loving big brother. We were worried for awhile--if he would ever get over the jealousy, but as Jada keeps getting bigger and bigger and able to play better with him--it only seems that they are getting closer and closer. He is sensitive, shy, loving, obstinate at times, but happy happy happy! (as long as he gets his way!)

It will be amazing to watch his personality grow even more at school. I worry that it may be too overwhelming at times but it will be good. Big crowds are a bit over stimulating for him so hopefully his class isn't too large--and hopefully--he doesn't bite anyone! He has been "jamming" out to his radio lately, turning it up as loud as it goes. I picture a teen rebel dancing in his room to KTIS! :0) He is just so adorable and will run to turn it up if he hears one of his favorite songs! The Newsboys, He Reigns is his number one!

Jada baby will be in daycare for the two hours that I am in parent education. She will be in the room right next to me and it will be interesting. I thought that nothing would phase her, but we tried out church daycare and she only lasted 10 minutes and was wailing for her mommy. I would have thought that Jakob would have been the one--I was surprised--totally! She has been teething--molars--and they are really causing all of us some grief. I can't wait until they come through. Hopefully soon, so we can start the next round of teeth--the worst ones--the I-teeth. Jada keeps us on our toes--literally. In two seconds flat (or less) you will be able to find her somewhere that she really shouldn't be. She can climb faster than I ever thought a child could climb, is virtually not afraid of falling, and likes to run away really fast when you see her. (So, you really must be careful when you come upon her standing on a chair or sitting on the play stove!

I think she is a born Diva. . . . she loves shoes, and clothes, and princess stuff, and definitely knows how to get her way. I can only imagine just how loud our house is going to be in the later teen years--with all of the kids' friends. Loud music, lots of laughter, lots of whispering and plenty of all nighters! :0)

We tried a new church--Evergreen Community Church. We've only been there twice and it feels like we've been there forever. The people are great! We went to a free BBQ one weekend and thought we would give it a try. There is nothing wrong with the church we are members at. We were just looking for a church with more diversity and more young families. We are Lutheran and Evergreen is non-denominational. It is contemporary and seems to have a lot of really great programs that fit our needs right now. I cannot begin to explain how important it is for us to be intertwined with families of many cultures--as a multi-cultural family ourselves. I feel sad, in a way, that the church our children were baptized in just isn't meeting our needs--but I want my children to be a part of God and a church community and I think this one will be perfect for us!

I hope that summer has been good to everyone! I am looking forward to our changes coming and hope to have some time to share it with you! ;0)

Happy Birthday Jada!

2009-07-30T20:16:00.008-05:00

One year ago tonight. . .my baby girl was born and I didn't even know about it. We didn't find out until the next afternoon that we were chosen to be her parents and that she would be coming home the very next day. It's a good thing they called us when they did--as we were on our way out of town for my 20 year class reunion. Nope--we didn't make it and I certainly have no regrets. There are sacrifices you make just to be a parent and that had to be one of them.

Jada's birthmom is amazing. I cannot even imagine how this whole first year has been for her. We went from the concept of her adoption being closed, to emailing, to visits, to building a very wonderful, beautiful and trusting relationship (at least I hope she feels that way.) We were even blessed with an unexpected meeting with Jada's birth grandmother when they stopped by on the way to the airport to drop off some gifts for Jada. It is amazing how things evolve and turn out the way they do. I cannot imagine our life without Jada. I cannot imagine our life without Carmen.

Jada giving the thumbs up on her fancy pants robe. I think she has expensive taste already! :0)

This is a very very special plaque that hung on Carmen's wall when she was growing up. I cannot think of a more endearing gift from the heart. Jada loves to carry it around, but she is not very gentle with it--so it sitting on her dresser waiting to be hung on her wall.

This year has gone by far too fast and yet I am so excited for the things to come. We have a tradition to take a photo at the time of baby's birth. Jakob was born at 10:08pm so he has been easy so far since he is sleeping (I'm sure that will change in the coming years!). Jada, however, seriously, would not hold still for a second--so all the actual 7:29pm pictures are blurry. If that is any indication of Carmen's labor and birth with Jada, I know she is even more amazing than I thought! haha! If that is any indication of what she is going to be like in the future. . . we may be in trouble! :0) Here's my sweet sweet baby girl one year later after arriving in the outside world! Love you Jada!! Love you Carmen!!

Happy happy birthday! May we help all of your wishes and dreams come true!!

ADOPTION DAY!

2009-07-08T10:13:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was Jakob's adoption day! 3 years ago we finalized his adoption in court and he became a "legal" forever part of our family. He was already a forever part of our family in our hearts the day we met Kaiti! Life has a funny way of reminding me that things don't always go as planned. I planned to have this blissfully peaceful happy day just hanging out with my kids -- but spent a better part of it trying to rid my house of some of the best tantrums a 3 1/2 year old could throw. We would definitely win if there was a tantrum throwing contest--I'm sure of it! Jakob did actually take a much needed nap and woke up in a much better mood--so off to the Mall of America we went!

We had 5 free ride tickets that we got at the Eagan parade on the 4th of July! Each ticket was worth 6 points and most of Jakob's rides only cost 3-4 points and as his "chaperone" we don't have to pay when we ride with him on most rides. So--we got in a lot of rides! The tickets were "mystery" tickets--meaning they could be worth more than 6 points--and with our amazing luck--the last ticket was worth a whoppin' 100 points! That's a lot of points! AND--it needed to be used up by 10:00pm that evening (it was already 7:30pm). That is totally impossible for us with two small children!

Probably the best part of the evening was walking around looking for a family to give the ticket too! And there they were--standing by the ticket kiosk--a mom, dad, and three young boys. How awesome is that? We knew they would be able to burn 97 points in a few hours! The mom was so elated that she started to cry and gave both Craig and me a big hug! I know--if they are ordinary like us, a night at Nickelodeon Universe can really break your budget. Especially with three boys! :0) So off we went for a family dinner at Burger King and home to eat cupcakes! It ended up being a wonderful evening!

I've always wanted to do the KTIS drive-thru difference. I have never been out on the days that they have them. We are also not always in a financial position to help others out as we would like to or to donate to every charity that desperately needs our help. So, I guess giving away our ride ticket was kind of our way to be able to do that. We would never be able to just hand out $100--it was so AWESOME! I am so thankful for the things we do have and for my "forever" babies who are not so much babies anymore. God is so good!

Jakob's new summer NUNU blanket that I made for him.

A moment of sibling love--it does really exist! :0)

Going on the Wonder Pets ride all by himself for the very first time!

WEEEEEEE!! I did go on this with him first and it is kind of scary! :0)

Having cupcake cones!

Jada started from the bottom! haha!

Checking out all the cars that I had when I was a kid. He is still playing with them today! Yeah!

Independence Day Weekend

2009-07-06T13:20:00.006-05:00

It has been a busy busy time over in our little chaotic home! In two weeks time both Craig and I have managed to get really really ill. . . I was sick while hubby was out of town and had to manage the little ones by myself while feeling like death was just around the corner--but I made it through. Craig got sick the next weekend, while my parents were here visiting to celebrate Jada's birthday. So, he spent the whole weekend in bed.

And did you just catch that? Yes, Jada is almost one! I cannot believe that a whole year has already passed us by! A whole year of complete chaos in an upside down world. Every day is so amazing and completely challenging! I still haven't mastered the "keep the house clean" talent, nor the "dinner is ready" when daddy gets home. In fact, daddy usually makes the dinner. We are still working on our organization skills and learning to let go of things that are really adding to our clutter in between the temper tantrums and sibling fights over just one toy when we have zillions of others laying around.

Then, there are those moments. . .

The moments when I catch Jakob giving Jada a hug and a kiss. Where Jada takes Jakob's shoes to him and tries to put them on his feet. When Jada stops crying because Jakob sings to her. When Jada walks to her birthmom, Carmen, and gives her a big snuggle hug. How Jakob's face lights up when he sees Kaiti (his birthmom) walking to our door. Jada fast asleep on my husband's chest in the middle of the night. Ahhh. . . they make me melt. I could not ask for more!

Waiting for fireworks! We go to the Bloomington Fete fireworks on July 3rd every year!

Jada pointing at the fireworks. She did not seem to mind the boom booms in the sky and stayed awake for the whole show! :0)

We went to the city of Eagan on the 4th for their parade. Jakob wasn't too sure about the dragon!

Jada and me waiting to dance. The bands kind of scared her and so did the loud horns!

Jakob was not too sure about the clowns. . . .

Candy boy was more interested in eating all the candy being thrown at the parade. He is trying to chew a tootsie roll in this picture. I have never seen a kid eat so much candy! We finally had to cut him off--he was obsessed!

Jada waving to all the beautiful girls on the floats! Born to be a princess! :0)

Photo Shoot!

2009-06-23T22:09:00.002-05:00

Our photos are done! Now we have to choose--and it is going to be difficult! They are really awesome! If you want to view them. . . you can get the code in my "notes" on facebook. I think pretty much everyone that reads my blog is a friend of mine on facebook (if not, you will have to send me your email or find me on facebook!). They will only be up for 10 days so view fast!

Sneak Peek!

2009-06-12T21:04:00.002-05:00

The sneak peek is up from our photo shoot--just a glimpse until the rest of the pictures are done. You can have a peek yourself at 3 Peas Photography. Our photographer Amy also has a fan page on facebook--find it here.

There are a couple of different pictures posted on there! I'm so excited to see the rest of them!! It is definitely going to be difficult to choose! :0)

Good things!

2009-06-08T22:03:00.003-05:00

Weird things are happening over here at our blissfully chaotic household. My little Jada, whom just turned 10 months on June 30th, seems to have picked up walking in a couple of days. Now it seems like that is all she wants to do. Between that and her teeth--she is constantly wanting to nap, for about 10 minutes, eat and play play play. What is happening to my not so little baby girl?!?

And Mr. Jakob--was in potty training boot camp today. Every 20 minutes we took a trip to the potty. If he didn't go within a couple of minutes, I had him get off and try again in 20 minutes. Then later in the afternoon, I was folding laundry on the floor while Jada was eating her lunch in her highchair (which she will try to climb out of if you don't watch her) and Jakob was running with his vacuum back and forth making a ton of racket. Then in a moment's notice it got quiet--and before I realized it I panicked. When you stay home with your kids--you pretty much know them inside and out and when it suddenly gets quiet and Jakob disappears--I know he is most likely pooping--today it would be IN HIS UNDERWEAR! I went back to find him and opened the bathroom door--and there sat Mr. Jakob on his potty chair--with his underwear off. He told me he was pooping on the potty, so I told him to call me when he was done. I left and did a cartwheel (inside my head) and in a couple of minutes heard this tiny little voice calling--"mamaaaa." He did it! ALL BY HIMSELF! He also got up from nap to pee on the potty while I was in the shower. Oh can you imagine the excitement in our household?!?!?!

Then, our package from cottonbabies dot com showed up. We had some minor issues with the velcro straps on our diaper liners and I called the company to inquire how to go about fixing them and they told me the diapers were still under warranty and to send them in to be replaced. Now, that is AWESOME! Not only because we get to have brand new liners--but because they will last even longer now if Mr. Jakob continues to not have to wear them! Yippppeeeeeee!! Maybe they will be around for baby number three. . . .

Tomorrow night we have our photo shoot for the Celebrating Adoption program (weather permitting). We get a free session with a photographer who participates in the program and some free photos. She will also offer us 15% off anything more that we would like to order. We are very excited since we have only done professional photos for Jakob on his 1st birthday. Most people who participate in this program will often get the curly sweet newborn pictures, but Jada was never a curly sleepy baby and we wanted a chance to get some awesome family photos. We are using Amy with 3 Peas Photography and are very excited! I hope the weather holds out for us! If it doesn't, we can reschedule--but we are just so excited to do this we don't want to wait any longer!

If you need some good Karma--we have it here! Rub your fingers on my blog or something and I'm sure it will come your way! For now, I have a walking video for you to see. All my other pictures are on the other computer in the bedroom where hubby is fast asleep (and starts work at 5 am--total ISH!) so I just can't go wake him to use the computer--it will light up the whole room--AND the sound of typing will for sure wake him up! :0) Enjoy!!

Summer!

2009-06-03T21:22:00.004-05:00

Yeah, summer is here! I have no complaints about our chilly nights! I love them!! No need for the air conditioner--or heat. This is my heaven for sure! All of our construction is finally done--new driveway, sidewalk and windows. I think we are done for awhile. We've been waiting for all of our lilies to bloom and hoping our garden takes off. These chilly nights are not exactly the perfect growing weather--but, at least we are not in a frost advisory zone. We have finally made a strawberry patch. I've wanted one forever! However, some kind of varmint has been digging up our plants so we just fenced it in tonight. We may not get a crop this year--but I'm hoping they will take off for next year!

Jada has turned 10 months already. I cannot believe it! My parents will be coming up to celebrate her 1st birthday--probably in June--but that's okay. We are going home in August for a visit so we are trying to spread the visits out. I already know what I am getting her. We really don't need anything--really. . . so I have decided to get her an itty bitty twin set from American Girl. I asked if I could get a black girl and white boy (to represent Jada and Jakob) and they were all over that at the store. They thought it was super cool and know that people come in there to get dolls that look like their kids. It will be more for when she gets older, but it will add to our multicultural toys in the house!

Jada is unbelievable! She climbs, crawls, opens cupboards, gets her own snacks, cruises, and is almost walking. . . she takes a few steps here and there. She says Hi, Dada, Mama, waves goodbye, and she says baba--which we are not sure if it is for her bottle or Jakob (we call Jakob Baba or Bubba sometimes). She is non-stop and has been keeping us on our toes! Jakob is being the perfect big brother and is teaching her words, sings to her, feeds her (usually things he doesn't want to eat), and loves to tell her what is his and what is hers. The fights are fewer and he is getting better about being nice to her on a consistent basis so I can leave the room for more than 10 seconds to use the bathroom, get laundry, answer the phone--all the usual stuff. She loves to eat dirt. . . . and they both love to be outside! My own little heaven on Earth--interrupted here and there with some major temper tantrums! Did you know that my kisses have magical powers and can heal skinned knees? Well almost. . . Jakob is still limping around and seems to have a lot of pain when he is being put on a time out. haha! Sneaky bugger!

We had a scare with our cat Squeakers. . . he escaped and was gone for 36 hours. We thought he was gone forever and then he showed back up on our deck this morning. I wish we had a helmet cam on him to see just exactly what he did that whole time. When he came in, he ate, then went right to sleep in the sun, and slept all day, and ate some more and then tried to escape again this evening. He is truly a naughty kitty!

Well, I hope everyone else is experiencing their own slice of heaven! May God's blessings be all around us!

Playing outside! I love her smile and her scrunchy nose! :0)

Two peas in a pod!

He is so darn cute! :0)

Jakob loves to water the plants--and he loves to pick the flowers too! haha!

Jada is eating Teddy Grahams!

Girlie girl!

Eating dirt and playing with sticks! That's my baby! :0)

What in the world have you been doing?

2009-05-14T15:13:00.005-05:00

I'm sure my three readers have been wondering where the heck I have been. . . Well, Jada turned 9 months old and decided that she was going to get 4 teeth, start crawling, pull herself up, and now cruise the world all in a matter of about two weeks. So, needless to say--we are severely busy at our house! Jakob can be a little rough around the edges at times so the kids are under constant supervision! :0) Although, Jada has him in strength and puts up a good fight for toys! She weighed 21 lbs 5 oz at her 9 month check up and Jakob weighed in at 28 lbs. She is 29 1/4 inches long. I'm sure they will be caught up to each other within the next year or so! I am told that he is a typical oppositional defiant three year old--who is currently refusing to use the potty chair. He may pretend to not want his sister around him at times. . .but nobody is fooled and we know he totally adores her and wants to be exactly like her--so he should be using the potty at around age 5 when Jada is finally trained! :0)

I have started to get serious about my workouts--yes, I know--even trainers have a problem with slacking. I just can't figure out how I have managed to ever so effortlessly gain 20 lbs in the last year. There could very well be a medical explanation. . . but I have to take just a little bit of responsibility for my poor time management, terrible eating habits, and disillusion that I was doing what I should be to lose weight. It has been a very frustrating process--especially since I don't have any summer clothes that fit anymore. I am thankful for the warmer weather. We have been out biking, walking, running and playing at the park and in the yard. It should also help when Jada starts to sleep though the night. . . she has been successful the last two nights! I hope it continues!!! We are exhausted!!!

We are still waiting for the creepy construction guy to finish our sidewalk. He botched the job and now has yet to fix it. Choose wisely when you have work done to your home. It has not been a very positive experience. The good thing about it all is the city of Bloomington is holding our money and actually pays out the contractor--so they don't get their money until we are satisfied and there really is no argument. Too bad, so sad, dude! All that is left is our driveway. I hope the sidewalk is done before they come to finish the driveway. We were able to get all of this stuff done through a program/low interest loan through the city of Bloomington. I'm thankful we can't afford to do anything else--this is way too much stress for my liking! :0) I do know that it will be awesome when it is all done!!

Not much else on the forefront. Just the usual stuff that keeps us as busy as the next family! I can't wait for it to be consistently warm--even if I don't have any shorts that fit! haha! Here's some fun pictures!

Kaiti and Jakob on Birthmother's Day (the Saturday before Mother's Day). We have made it a tradition to spend the day together and celebrate our family. It was a really fun day!! We just hung out, played outside, ate pizza AND McD's, and just talked and talked and talked!

Our awesome bike trailer! There is a screen that comes over the front when we are riding. I am still working on getting a good fit with Jada's helmet. They are so safe in the trailer that the helmets probably aren't really necessary. . . but I just want to get the habit going.

Goofy boy posing for a picture for Kaiti!

Happy girl!

Lounging on a walk. . . ready to fall asleep at any moment!

New Friends!

2009-04-20T10:49:00.004-05:00

This weekend we hosted a table at the Lutheran Social Services education seminar DOMESTIC ADOPTION WORKS! It was the first time that they hosted an open house seminar like this so they weren't sure what the turn out would be. Jakob's birthmother, Kaiti, came along with us too and we had the opportunity to share our story with several people/couples that were either getting ready to get "into the book" or thinking about adopting domestically. There was a table with birthmoms, our table with Kaiti, two other families like ours with at least one birthfamily member there, two tables who were chosen by birthparents online and one table showing different methods of outreach for adoptive parents other than just waiting in the book. It was really neat to hear other people's stories (only I do wish that we had even more time to spend with the other people participating in the seminar.) We made some new friends and met some people finally, in person, that we have only known through our LSS boards, facebook and blogging so far. I think it is always good to hear other people's stories since adoption is so unique to each and every person. I know I came away from the seminar with some new things to think about myself. It was really fun and we would definitely do it again! My camera kind of isn't the best. . .but here are a few pictures from the day!

This is Matthew flirting with Jada--who could resist those big baby blues? They are about one month apart in age. You can learn more about Matthew's family at A Family of Love. It was so AWESOME to finally meet them in person!!

Jada is exercising again. . . this is after her big brother needed to yell in her face and wake her up.

Jakob and Kaiti hanging out on the floor. I wonder if she was as tired as he was after the long day? (Kaiti came over and hung out with us until about 6pm.) I think we all had a fabulous time!

2009-04-13T15:08:00.006-05:00

Easter weekend was amazing! The weather was just perfect, no work for me (hubby had to go in for a bit on Saturday), and lots of things to do! We went to the zoo on Saturday (hubby's idea). Evidently he still doesn't believe me when I tell him it will be packed because of the holiday. Very large crowds tend to make both me and Jakob a little anxious. Maybe I'm just a little worried he is going to grab someone's face (which he didn't). I nearly flipped when I came out of the restroom and he was playing on the playground with a million other kids without Craig standing right there. I did see him push somebody and I knew something was up when the other kids wouldn't go up the ladder--so I went and got him and we moved on. We weren't there very long and I don't think we even saw any animals. No biggie--we can go back anytime with our membership!

We went to church on Good Friday and visited the nursery when Jada got a little loud for the very quiet and somber service. Things went well--so on Easter Sunday. . .the kids went to the nursery. Jakob could have cared less. I couldn't leave Jada there quite yet and brought her into church. It lasted about 10 minutes. She is just plain too heavy to try to stand and hold her in a very packed church. So I took her back to the nursery. All I have to say is hats off to working moms. Jada was only going to be in the nursery for probably 40 minutes and it still brought me to tears. What am I going to do when my kiddos go to school? It was strange to be somewhere with Craig without the kids.

My mind was wandering during the service and Craig asked if I was thinking about Jada. I was in a way, but thinking more about how our congregation was predominately white. Noticing things that most people wouldn't even think twice about. I saw one black man and one little girl who was most likely biracial--not that it matters--but her skin was like my daughter's skin. I was wondering if we would someday have to search around again for a congregation that better suits our multicultural family. It was a long search to find a church of our religion--that seemed to fit our personality and was reasonably close by. I guess we will have to reassess again and again--because, after all, once you think you've got things down--they change again. I will always pray that our children feel like they can talk to us about anything and will encourage conversation about adoption, race, culture, birth families, interests, dislikes, and whatever else I can get them to talk about. Sometimes I just don't want to think about it and hope it comes naturally--be we all know that isn't the way things work!

It has been a beautiful week! Hence the plain truth that I haven't been online a whole lot. Jada and Jakob went for their first bike ride together in the bike trailer. All I can say is it is going to be a fun summer. Jada fell asleep and Jakob just sucked his thumb and held NUNU. My sister and my nephew are here visiting. It has been so nice to have family around! You would think they would be tired of shopping at the mall. . . . haha! We hit up some rides on Tuesday night--that was a bit scary--but I survived! Well, I better go get the little rebel into sleeping mode or dinner at Chino Latino's tonight will be a nightmare!

You will have to settle for some random pictures as my Easter pictures are on my other computer and I am not nearly a perfectionist in making a perfect blog. I'm more into thinking about eating the rest of the malted milk eggs that are in the kitchen while my kids sleep! YUM!

EIGHT MONTHS

2009-03-30T14:58:00.005-05:00

Busy, busy, busy! Jada is eight months today and pulled herself up to her feet in her crib! Oh boy! She has two teeth that are actually visible and is constantly ON THE GO! She loves to eat--if you know Jakob--you know why we are so relieved that she loves to eat! She has quite the personality--taking after her birthmother--whom we were graced with a visit last Thursday! I have been spending more time trying to get some scrapbooking done--or at least feel like I am remotely caught up. We are going to be participating in the LSS education program DOMESTIC ADOPTION WORKS!, so I want to have some more scrapbooking done so we have something substantial for people to look at. I'm not sure how many people they are expecting, but it is at least getting me motivated to get some scrapping done! :0)

Jakob continues to change everyday himself--becoming quite the conversationalist. We are working on how to ask for things--rather than just whining and crying for something. He likes to hide and can be sneaky, but his giggles always give him away! Since Jada is on the go and Jakob can't really be fully trusted in her presence alone for even just a minute--there really is not a lot of time to get anything done. That's all right with me on most days. It does get frustrating every once in awhile. Maybe it is just this weird MN winter weather that is really frustrating me--the one who claims to be a winter girl. I want to be able to get outside more often and not have to bundle my kids up for a blizzard.

I am really looking forward to summer this year for the first time in a very long time! Speaking of getting stuff done. . . I am going to be short and end this here so I can feel like I accomplished something today! It is probably good that it is cold out. We have the Wii Outdoor Adventure game and my calves are so sore from playing that I don't even know how I am going to teach kickbox tonight. Those games are amazing!

SWEET TREATS!

2009-03-20T15:16:00.003-05:00

You can't see it, but there is a tooth in there! I feel it!! I also feel lucky to get some smiles out of Jada since she has been kind of cranky while working on those teeth!! Maybe we will finally get some sleep at night! :0)

Here's a glimpse of Jakob's very first time eating chocolate chip cookie dough from the beaters. He has kind of a sensitive stomach, so I haven't let him do it yet--we'll see if his tummy holds out on this one. He sure loved it! I wish I could have recorded his little voice saying, "Mmm," about every 10 seconds. Far too cute! Yeah, we are all only 1/2 dressed. Perfect for a chilly and grey kind of day. Precisely what the chocolate chip cookies are for--to cheer everyone up!!

Picture this. . . .

2009-03-10T23:17:00.003-05:00

My baby girl can do a version of some sort of army crawl to get what she wants on the floor as fast as she can! Watch out! The girl gets what she wants. She is very good at throwing a tantrum already if she doesn't get her way. I could not keep my eyes off of her today--she is simply stunning and amazing and beautiful and funny and happy and getting oh so big. My baby.

My not so baby boy and I had a discussion this evening AGAIN about boys having a penis and that Mama and Jada don't. I didn't tell him yet what girls have. He is so obsessed with penises right now--I really don't need him yelling out "vagina" in public too! haha! As you all probably know. . . he is a product of first child syndrome. . . you know, where mom and dad do everything for you. Today when I went to check on him at nap to see if he was sleeping or not--the little turkey had his pants AND his diaper off--I was kind of unaware that he was capable of doing this. If he can get the super velcro diaper undone. . . then there really is no reason why he shouldn't be peeing and doing the other dirty deed on the potty. He knows how too. Just playing us, I guess--and the fact that he just really wants to be just like Jada. How can you blame him. But anyway. . . he said he missed his penis and that is why he took his pants and diaper off. I really do believe that this is the unspoken, untalked about, and uninformed truth that boys are obsessed with their privates starting at a very young age. We all know they are obsessed as adults! hahahahahaha!!!!! And everyone thought that boys were easier than girls! :0)

After everyone was in bed, I was watching American Idol and my not so baby boy came running out to sit on my lap. It was late--but I wanted him there. (This is when we had our talk.) I can't believe how amazing he is. The things that he sees. The things that he notices. The things that he tells us about. How he makes me smile--even on our worst days. I enjoyed every moment of snuggling tonight (and a little dancing too when he felt the music!). It was hard to put him to bed. I feel blessed to have these moments with my son--who won't be very little for long and most likely not willing to talk about penises anymore either! :0)

Girly love!

2009-03-04T21:33:00.005-06:00

I have always been a tomboy--no make-up--hate to dress up--feel completely out of place and uncomfortable shopping at a place like the Galleria (located in Edina, MN) in my windpants--but I go there anyway--and sometimes don't shower on purpose just to see the looks I get from the other shoppers--because that is where the only Pottery Barn Kids store in the metro area is located. (I was so sad when the one at the Mall of America shut down!) Anyway. . . now that I have a daughter--I still do not find any desire to be a girly girl myself. . . but I want her to have every opportunity to express herself and to be herself as she grows. And if she wants to be a girly girl. . . then I will absolutely love every single solitary second of it. I hope she wants me to braid her hair. I hope she wants to wear all the beautiful dresses that I already have for her. I hope she wants to take dance class. (I do also hope she wants to play hockey!)

Sometimes I feel a tad guilty because she wears some of Jakob's old pajamas--which are distinctly for boys! She is just growing so fast--and she grew into his old winter pj's in the right season! Sometimes our whole family compensates for this lack of girly pj's guilt! Even Furby!

When Jada came home, Jakob moved into a big boy bedroom and Jada moved into the nursery. The design is from the John Lennon Musical Parade line and is totally awesome for a boy or a girl. . .but definitely blue dominant. I've been eying (is that how it's really spelled?) the butterfly chandelier from the Pottery Barn Kids store. We love mobiles here, I love that store, and it definitely brings a nice "princess" touch to any room!

But, really, I wanted something in pink--something really special for my princess! (And the simple fact that the mobile is $80 and not really something that I would consider a necessity for that amount of money!) So, I decided to utilize my creative skills and make my princess her very own unique and from the heart butterfly mobile! Off to Michael's I went and spent $20 and came up with this:

And, yes, I still have enough supplies to make several more if I wanted too. They probably wouldn't look exactly the same. . . but I could make something very similar! It only took me a few days in between taking care of my babies and work. I didn't really do anything else around the house! haha! The best part of the whole thing was the big smile Princess Jada gave me when she saw the mobile hanging in her room! PRICELESS!! And worth every minute of work and a very messy house! A perfect girly touch to her bedroom! I should mention that Jakob loved it too. He loves butterflies! And he also loves anything that his sister has! ;0) I have to go take care of Furby now, before he wakes everyone up! He sure is loud! haha!

Church directory pictures!

2009-03-02T09:48:00.003-06:00

If you belong to a church. . . you probably partake in the directory picture process. It probably depends on when you join and how often they update the directory. This was our first time participating in the picture process.

You have to read Jessie's blog on her picture experience. It made me crack up so bad!! How do I know Jessie? I somehow found her blog when I first signed up. We were both in the waiting process to be chosen by a birth family to adopt their child. Her journey was simply breathtaking and well worth checking out her archives!

Anyway. . . that brings us back to the question--does anyone ever have a good church directory picture? Ours arrived in the mail the other day--pretty much crushed by the good ole postal carrier (but the people are sending us another one!) But, I have to say that I wasn't hardly disappointed at all. In fact, I thought it turned out quite well considering all of our other attempts at getting a family photo. Jada is pretty much ready to fall asleep and for pretty much the first time--wasn't smiling--and the rest of us look so pasty Minnesota winter white (I should have known better than to wear a cream colored shirt--DUH!), but other than that. . . it's not too bad! See for yourself! I, personally, hate posed pictures like this and am totally looking forward to our family photo shoot in the Spring (I suppose that is coming up soon!) for the CELEBRATING ADOPTION program! I hope we get some good ones out of that!!

Highlights!

2009-02-21T15:24:00.006-06:00

Wowsers! It has been a long time since I've had remotely any time to blog. Today is no different--but I always have so much to say--and never any time to say it! Here are some highlights of our life in the past few weeks!

Jada has been rocking on her hands and knees--it won't be long now and we will be chasing around a crawler!
She also can officially sit up on her own--as in--we put her in the position and she will sit for 20 minutes and even longer!
Still no teeth. . . but she sure acts like there will be some here soon!
Jada is in the 90th percentile for weight and height. Jakob is in the 3rd percentile for weight and 50th for height. We are on the "you need to gain weight" diet. (Very challenging with a 3 year old.) He gets weighed again in two months--and then possibly some blood work to make sure he is just light--and has nothing else wrong.
Jakob is sure there are monsters in his closet forcing me to sleep on the air mattress once again in his bedroom. I just don't think it is right to let a child cry themselves to sleep when they are frightened. It hurts my heart!
Jakob also has discovered that "Mama n Jada no have penises." He is quite the intelligent child--don't you think?
We have made some progress with potty training--and now back in diapers. Oh well.
He has been enjoying Dad's favorite sport out in the driveway--after a few tears when dad shut the garage door and he could no longer play with the air compressor!!
We spoke at an adoption training seminar last Thursday with Kaiti and along with two other couples. One with a domestic open adoption and the other family had two international adoptions from Columbia. I think we inspired at least a couple of people. I don't think we scared anyone--although there were a lot of blank expressions! Kaiti did a really good job! We are so proud of her! :0)
And we have been contemplating adding to our family--just one more time--well, maybe me more than hubby--but I'm working on him. It is something we need to think about now--as you never know just how long the wait might be. We'll see where God's plan takes us!
Did I mention that I fall in love more and more each day with my family? How could I ever be so blessed!!

SLEDDING

2009-01-31T21:36:00.002-06:00

It was a wonderfully beautiful and very WARM day here in Minnesota! FINALLY!! We were able to get out to the sledding hill and enjoy some outdoor fun with the kids. Oh, how I wish winter was like this the whole season! ;0) It was very bright, though. Dada had to run home to get Jakob's sunglasses. He was a little upset that he couldn't see!

Jakob was all giggles when he was pushing/pulling Jada in the sled. I'm sure they will have their sibling fights when they get older. . . but I know they will also LOVE each other to the end of the world!

Jada was just a kickin' back and enjoying all the action!

And how cute is this?

I am so blessed beyond belief! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!

2009-01-22T21:47:00.003-06:00

I got Jakob a "birthday" balloon today at the grocery store. Who ever thought a balloon could be so so so cool?!? He has had it clipped to him since we got home. During playtime, nap, potty time (which he used the potty 4 times today--and he wore underwear to the store!), lunch and dinner, and the balloon is still with him in bed. This is really a fun age for birthdays! I can't wait until he wakes up and finds four more balloons waiting for him! He was just at a friend's birthday party on Sunday and he had a blast! (Thanks Chris, Rachelle, Mason and Carly!)

Jakob was a bit over stimulated--and zonked out the second we got home. Our family will be having a quiet celebration--well, maybe not so quiet if he gets a hold of the recorder he got at Mason's party--with just us and Jakob's birthmom--Kaiti. It will be perfect for this year. . . and then maybe we will move into the bigger party scene next year after he has been in pre-school for awhile. Yes, people, he is signed up to start pre-school in September. . . sniff sniff.

I have truly outdone myself this year with Jakob's cake! :0) I know I'm not going to win any contests on the food channel--but I think Jakob will love it--especially if you know how near and dear Ribbon NUNU and DADA NUNU are to his heart. I had to put a 3 on it since Jakob says he will be turning 2 and then when you say--no, you're turning 3--he then says he's 5. Kids. . . always trying to get older as fast as they can!

I'm sure I will have more pictures to post after his little party--but who knows when I will get to it! haha! May all your birthdays be magical, exciting and full of love! Happy Birthday Jakob!

Birthday Boy!

2009-01-17T22:48:00.004-06:00

Where has the time gone? My baby boy will be turning three on the 23rd! I splurged just a little bit--well, maybe a lot--on a kitchen set for him. He just loves to help out in the kitchen and it has been becoming more of a safety issue for this overly cautious mother! So I made an investment in a set that I think will bring lots of fun to our family in the years to come! No, I didn't pay full price--just in case you were wondering. It arrived in just two days after clicking "commit to buy" on ebay--which is SPECTACULAR--but the three huge boxes needed to go. If you have been to our house lately. . .you would find that there is not a whole lot of room left--for anything. Therefore. . . we had a PRE-celebration party on Friday night and unveiled (or unboxed, rather) the three pieces. Jakob has been cooking up a storm. . . lots of food for Jada, Mama, and his NUNU's (who now have their very own highchair.) I guess he thinks Dada gets enough food already! :0) I'm thinking that Jakob's birthmom, Kaiti, will get a kick out of this since her sister is in school to be a chef! :0) We are looking forward to celebrating Jakob's life with her on Friday! Yeah!!

Beautiful baby!

2009-01-17T22:33:00.005-06:00

I almost flipped when I got the new issue of Adoptive Families Magazine. I thought someone had raided my computer photos! Well, not really. . . but Jakob had to look twice himself thinking Jada was on the cover! :0) See for yourself!

Blessings

2009-01-12T21:11:00.005-06:00

I cannot imagine having to worry about how I am going to feed my baby--I mean, really feeding my baby. Or having to feed my baby watered down formula to stretch it to the next paycheck. Or not being able to use the WIC approved formula because my baby projectile pukes it right back up. Believe me people, I have a puker. Formula does make a difference and once you find one that works--at least better than something else--you stick with it.

We had some formula that was going to expire at the end of this month and Jada just can't tolerate it. We tried. . . So, I listed it on craigslist--for very cheap. I figured if it didn't sell over the weekend I could take it to a crisis nursery or food shelf. On Saturday, while I was at work, a woman called inquiring about it and how much I wanted for just some of it and not the whole lot. If you know my husband, you know that he started to talk (and didn't stop) and got this woman's life story. I'm not going to give it all to you. . . but it turns out she truly was worrying about how she was going to feed her baby. For real. I had only listed the formula that was expiring this month and had a bunch more just sitting around and unable to use--hoping and praying that Jada would grow out of her acid reflux, whatever puke reaction to formula phase, so we could use it. But, I know she won't. So, we packed it all up on Saturday evening--ran to the airport post office around 8pm (well, my husband did anyway) and shipped it all out to her. Oh, yeah, did I mention that she lives in Oregon and was using craigslist for the very first time because she was desperate for formula to feed her baby and somehow found us?

This afternoon, I got a call from Rosie--who was in tears--because she ran out of formula last night and she was feeding her baby tea today--wondering what she was going to do--when somebody knocked on her door and it was the postal worker with our package--full of formula! She was so happy to tell us that her baby sucked it down. Her baby must have been so hungry. Can you imagine--truly imagine? She was so thankful and said when she could afford to, she would take a picture of her kids and mail it to us. . . to show us the baby we were feeding. Another thing most of us take for granted. . . digital cameras and easy access to the internet. She was crying because she felt so blessed and was so thankful for this gift. Tonight, Rosie and her family will be in my dreams. . . as I plan their special package for Valentine's Day! I wish we would have met her before Christmas. . . I know they didn't have any presents.

I truly believe in divine intervention--I really do--how can you not after a story like this! I can't wait to get pictures. I know it will be awhile. . . but I also know that she will follow through when she can afford to. We always talk about how blessed we are and all the blessings we receive and how wonderful God's grace is. Don't forget about all the blessings that you are able to give to others--the blessings of hope, good fortune, food, love, trust, health, shelter, clothing, protection--whatever it is that you are capable of offering. Lord knows we've been blessed a gazillion times this past year! I hope we can share our good fortune with those that really need it!

Here are a few pictures of my blessings!

Thou shall not steal.

2009-01-08T22:02:00.003-06:00

I have so much to say. . .and just not enough time to say it! Updates on pictures will have to wait until I relocate the SD card with all the pictures on it. That could very possibly take the whole weekend since our house is in shambles. (It is usually a bit on the chaotic side, but with the windows going in--everything has been moved here and there to clear out space to get them done.)

I was in tears at work. I had a pair of workout shoes that I had purchased for one of my special needs clients (since hers are really crappy) . I kept forgetting to bring them in to her so while she was on vacation, I brought them in and put them in the LOCKED aerobics studio stereo room with a note on them stating whose shoes they were and when I would be removing them from the studio to give to her. She has been so disappointed every week because she was so excited to get them and I kept forgetting to bring them. I was so excited to go to work today so I could give them to her. I went to the studio to get them and they were gone. Yes, people, somebody stole them. From an area that you had to have a key to get into and really, only aerobics instructors go. It really hurts me that somebody would just take a pair of shoes. They were not in an area where just any weirdo could take them. An employee had to open the door with a key. So, today, I had to tell her that the shoes were stolen--which I'm not sure if she could process that--and probably thinks I never really got them for her in the first place. What is this world coming to? My boss said maybe someone borrowed them. . . come on. . . who just "borrows" somebody else's pair of shoes without permission? That's kind of gross. I am very disappointed in the JCC right now for hiring nimrods that feel it is okay to just take things that they want. But mostly, I am very hurt for my client--who is a very special person in my life.

I should have known better. I have had things stolen from that locked office before. . . but I thought the idiots were no longer working at the J. I wonder if the person will be stupid enough to wear the shoes at the J when I am there.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-22T10:45:00.004-06:00

Yes sireeeeee!!! Christmas is almost here! :0) We are praying for no snow and clear roads on Wednesday--otherwise--we may just have to spend Christmas at home. Being that we have an extra day to play with, though, I'm sure things will work out. I'm not going to risk my babies lives (nor my own)--and I certainly don't want to travel if you can only drive 30 mph's! That would certainly be brutal!! (My husband would. . . but I think that is a guy thing.) There is still lots to do, but, I'm feeling like we are on track. Why is it that you pack a million katrillion things to go to your parent's house and then just wear the same pair of windpants the whole time anyway? You really need to pack a lot of stuff for a baby and a toddler--geesh! Good thing there is a Walmart right within 5 minutes of my parent's house now!! It took a lot of arguing and debating for our little redneck town to allow it to be built--but it sure is convenient for us when we visit!! I hope everyone's Christmas is extremely fantastic with safe travels and awesome good times with the people you love!! Remember to be patient and forgiving with all the things that don't go quite as we have planned. God bless!!

2008-12-19T07:02:00.005-06:00

Have you ever seen that movie "The Money Pit"? The one with Tom Hanks and "Diane" from Cheers (I just cannot remember her real name). I love that movie! The premise is the happy couple buying their dream million dollar home that ends up needing to be totally revamped and destroying their relationship along the way. Their house is really cool, too, by the way. Well, our house isn't a million dollar home (not even close) and construction hasn't destroyed our relationship (yet) but what I can only laugh about is in the movie, they keep asking when the work is going to be done and the construction guys always say "two weeks" (and the work takes months and months to get done.)

I don't know why I feel stressed out about having a big hole in my house with all these Minnesota snow storms coming, a creepy construction guy (whom I am not giving access to my house while we are gone for Christmas--that is if we are able to even leave for Christmas--but I shouldn't have to worry because the "two day" job is supposed to be done today after only two weeks have actually gone by). It is annoying at the fact that my house wreaks like cigarettes after he leaves and that his pick-up truck looks like it is going to drop off the bed at any moment--oh yeah, let's not forget the strong aroma of gasoline that has leaked from his truck into our driveway--in the very spot he goes to have a cigarette break. I swear there is going to be an explosion! Maybe you will see me on the news!!! He has used all of my bubble wrap to insulate the hole (and Craig's Viking blanket--which is now nailed to the wall to keep the cold air out.) Seriously--all you can do is laugh. Wouldn't you ask somebody if it was okay to put nails through their blanket--and wouldn't you expect the construction guy to have his own "professional" supplies to complete a job correctly?

At least we know the window guy. . . . who knows when that chaos will start!

On that note. . . is anybody else feeling overwhelmed with Christmas right around the corner? I don't know why I feel that way. I think it is just the unknown if we will be able to drive home to WI. I love all this snow. . . I really do. . . but I will be praying for good roads on Christmas Eve day for sure!! I still have so much to do. Kaiti is coming over tomorrow. She has been moved to "we don't need to clean our house for you" status. There just isn't time--and I'm still living with the unknown--as in--will I need to leave the house while the creepy construction guy opens the big hole up and exposes our house directly to the outside freezing cold air forcing me and my babies to venture out into the snow storm to go somewhere warm. That status just shows how close we feel we are to her and no longer need to pretend to be somebody we are not. And right now. . . we are not a clean family! :0) I am waiting to clean our spit-up infested carpet until after the windows are done (and hopefully the creepy guy will be done by then too!)

It's time for me to start making my list of things NOT to forget IF we are able to go to parent's for Christmas and the list of things we need to get done before we go--and when we are supposed to get those things done (and shovel the driveway, and go to work, and spend some quality time with Kaiti, and cook a meal for my husband's boss whom just had a baby and deliver it during the next snowstorm on Sunday, and take care of my sweet and adoring children!) Hey, chaotic bliss--what more could you ask for. Despite all of this, we have found plenty of time to have fun--which is probably why the house is not even close to being presentable!

And, Jakob surprised all of us by marching right up to Santa and getting right on his lap. Who knows where that came from since he is terrified of pretty much everything. I guess I have the TV to thank for that since Santa has made some guest appearances on Go, Diego, Go! and Dora the Explorer. He didn't say anything--at all--but later told me all he wanted for Christmas was a sucker. That's an awful tall order, Santa! Merry Christmas everyone!

Let the chaos begin. . . .

2008-12-03T21:41:00.003-06:00

No, I'm not talking about Christmas. . . I'm all that and more organized than anyone when it comes time to Christmas! I'm talking about our home improvement projects!! Yes!! Our loan was approved and signed yesterday and as soon as the contractor has our windows--they are going in!! We are also getting our old well room removed, sealed, closed off--whatever--all I know is the arctic air will no longer flow in during winter when it is done. (Evidently they will be able to do that now and not have to wait until the Spring thaw.) We will also be getting a new driveway, sidewalk and front step when the weather allows. Can't forget about replacing some of the siding that the umbrella tore apart when a big gust of wind ripped it out of the stand and smashed it into the house--just missing our bay window by a few inches! Whew! I almost forgot about the rewiring that will be done in our kitchen so we will no longer be blowing fuses when we are cooking our gourmet meals and overloading the circuits with our microwave, stove and toaster! I did not think that we would be lucky enough to get the loan this year!!!! The city ran out of money last year before reaching us. And thanks to Jada for joining our family just in time or we would have not been in the required "low to moderate" income range to qualify. We eked in by about $100! I just cannot believe that we got in this year!! So many good things have happened to us!!

Onto more good things. Thanksgiving was wonderful. My mom and dad came up for the first time ever and I think they got enough food. (They were worried we wouldn't have enough to eat for some reason.) I do have to say that my turkey was picture perfect and very delicious. I'm not accustomed to taking pictures of food . . . so your going to have to take my word on it. It was nice to have some quality one on one time with them--no projects for my dad to work on--just a lot of sitting around and eating! Jakob just adores grandpa and followed him EVERYWHERE! He is still trying to play the games with the remote control that Grandpa created. Mom and I did some shopping at the MOA. It wasn't that busy on the Saturday evening after Thanksgiving. A good time to go. We were exhausted after only 2 hours. I didn't buy anything significant. . . but if I had money to burn--the LUCKY STORE had the most adoreable clothes for children/babies--yes! The jeans and sweatshirts are only around $80 each! haha! But--just way too cute!!

Jada also got baptized on Saturday which prompted another glutton feast! Good food, good friends, precious family! We are truly blessed beyond anything than I could have ever imagined! Now all I need is a good camera to capture all these beautiful moments. . . mine has been a bit disappointing lately!

FOREVER FAMILY

2008-11-23T17:37:00.003-06:00

Good things. . . .

2008-11-19T11:14:00.002-06:00

I know it has been a long time since I have actually written anything. I have been reading and lurking and even a little bit of the checking out new people's blogs too. We have been busy over here--lots of good things--FANTASTIC ROCKIN' FANTILIASTIC GOOD THINGS!

Tomorrow we finalize Jada's adoption--YEAH!
My parent's are coming for Thanksgiving for the first time ever and for Jada's baptism (as long as it doesn't snow!)--YEAH!!
Jada gets baptized next weekend!!--YEAH!!
We are in the process of getting umpteen gazillion bids on some remodeling projects--no, we can't actually afford to do anything--but we qualified for the HRA home improvement loan and if we get our bids in soon enough, we will finally get some much needed things like: windows, a concrete step that isn't falling apart, driveway, get our well room sealed so it doesn't bring in 40 below zero air all winter long, some better electrical wiring so we don't keep blowing a fuse while cooking in our kitchen--and a few other minor details that were approved. It has been a process--and time consuming--and annoying right during all of our other busy stuff--but we have to get it done. The city will run out of money soon and the loans are given on a first come/first serve basis and there are about 10 people who started the process before us that still haven't turned their stuff in. If you know Craig and I--you know we aren't dinking around with it!
We have our outside of our house already decorated for Christmas! I love it! There are some things that we didn't put up yet because of the possible window construction starting soon--but it was fun to do. Jakob just loved helping this year!
This is silly, but I got Jada's stocking embroidered and I am so excited about it. For some reason it just made me really happy to get it back! It doesn't match Jakob's perfectly. . .but it still looks really good!
I am so excited for the holiday season this year--we have been so very blessed!
We are done with our Christmas shopping--yes--it is true! Maybe a couple of minor details need to be taken care of--but no running around in a frantic state!

My newest pictures are on the other computer so for now, I don't have any to post. You'll have to check back at another time!

2008-11-06T10:39:00.002-06:00

I have a friend who's son has cancer. She is my son's nurse at our doctor's office. She is always at work with a smile. She always cares for each child with the extreme love that she has for her very own son. She is loving. She is kind. She is energetic. She works AND goes to school--and takes care of a son who has to endure chemotherapy and all the other stresses that cancer brings. She is also a wife. I know how difficult it is to be a good wife with all the "normal" things in life. I can only imagine how difficult things may be when you add cancer. She is amazing to me. I pray for her family every day. . . and maybe if you have a moment you can too. The have a caring bridge website and I wish everyone in the world could read her last update.

Here is part of the post:

Politics

A little girl with cancer woke up in the hospital today. Unaware of the election results. Her prayers were answered. She gets another day to live, another day to fight.

A parent anxiously waits for the phone to ring. They are not looking for stock market news. They are waiting to hear if new lungs are available for their child with cystic fibrosis. Time is running out.

Disease is not impacted by election results or financial situations. Some of you are celebrating after last night, others are not. Some of you are doing okay financially, others are hurting. Cancer doesn't care.

The sun came up this morning on children who are battling cancer, cystic fibrosis, sickle cell, and other life-threatening medical conditions. Despite the headlines, not much has changed for them.

If your candidate won last night, congratulations! If your candidate lost last night, I am sorry. Either way, remember... truth is still truth, grace is still grace, God is still God. Our answers, our joy, our peace, our healing, our hope is not found in politics or the stock market - they are found in God alone.
________________

I encourage you to visit their site through the link I left above--and maybe visit some more, if you have time. I hurt for their family. I pray that God channels their fears, hurt and pain through everybody else that is willing to take it on so that they may have the strength to deal with all the other stresses that cancer will bring. I pray that Tony heals.

Summer in November

2008-11-04T22:13:00.003-06:00

What a glorious day here in Minnesota! It was an eventful day at our house. Our home was tested for lead levels as we will be getting new windows--yeah! Too bad they weren't installed today. . . We walked to the voting polls this morning and didn't wait too long to vote--it was a good thing--our double stroller didn't fit through the church door and we had to go a la cart with Jakob. Jada was in her car seat so that probably saved us--but it was heavy! There were no major tantrums and right when I was finishing up my ballot, Jakob got comfortable under the booth. He was so cute and he didn't want to leave. Too bad I couldn't take a picture! Then we came home and after Jada finally fell asleep for about an hour. . . Jakob and I enjoyed playing in the leaves. He just ABSOLUTELY LOVES the leaves! It doesn't get any better than a 70 degree day in November--in Minnesota! Jada's tum tum has been giving her problems today and has been needing to be held--the entire day. It was a miracle that she even slept for about an hour. Something must have been in the fall air because Jakob didn't take a nap either. I could have really used a nap myself. . . but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I will gladly take another day like today--anytime! What a blessing!

3 months

2008-10-30T14:47:00.004-05:00

Perhaps there will be some use for the chicken costume after all this year! :0)

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-27T22:45:00.000-05:00

This kind of love. . . .

2008-10-22T22:24:00.004-05:00

CHICKEN COSTUME: $10

PRICE OF SUCKER USED TO BRIBE TO GET A PICTURE: $3

POTTERY BARN KIDS SPIDER COSTUME (ON SALE): $18

HAPPY PICTURE: $0
THIS KIND OF LOVE: PRICELESS!

IT MAY BE A FUN HALLOWEEN AFTER ALL!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

2008-10-16T13:34:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I know--it's really Thursday, October 16th--what can I say? Tuesday marked another year of my life passing--yes, it was my birthday. I'm officially 38 now. Not many people would admit that, I guess, but I don't see any reason why I would need to hide it. I can also honestly say that I am perfectly content with my life and living it exactly as I envisioned it approximately 30 years ago! :0)

We celebrated my birthday in true Miskell style by eating Papa Murphy's pizza and topping off our sickly full stomachs with Baker's Square peanut butter cup pie. Truly disgusting I must say. . . . and we had the pleasure of sharing our nasty putrid eating habits with Jada's birthmother--who spent the afternoon/evening with us. It was a wonderful treat for my birthday!

We had an awesome time!! She stayed really late and Craig had to go to bed before she left around 11pm. I'm sure most of you may squack at that! All I could think is that it must have been very difficult for her to leave at all--AND--she had to have felt comfortable enough to even want to stay that late--so actually, I'm happy about it!! I do pray that our relationship continues to grow even though she is off to another state at the end of the month to work at the Ritz--following her dreams in the hospitality/travel business. I can assure you, she will make it big, especially with her drive and personality! PERFECT for the business!! I can also see that I truly think Jada has inherited her spirit and that is why she is soooooooooooo vocal and always smiling!

My favorite moment was when she walked through the door and Jada threw out the biggest and most beautiful smile for her. I fought the tears. . . but it was definitely a precious moment! I know you are dying to see pictures--but for now, we will respect her privacy and cherish them in our home. She is beautiful, fun, smart, funny, adventurous, outgoing, and has just a ton of energy! Jada was on the fussy side and she bounced her pretty much the entire time. I'll have to ask her if her arms and legs were sore the next day! :0)

I still sit in awe and wonder just how lucky can we really be--to be matched with two amazingly beautiful young ladies who happen to be the first mother's of our children. How I love them so!

GOOSEBERRY FALLS!

2008-10-12T17:40:00.010-05:00

We had the most FABULOUS weekend WAY up-north in Gooseberry Falls! You may think we are nuts to go on a vacation with a 2 3/4 year old and a 2 month old, but we haven't been ANYWHERE (except grandma and grandpa's) since Jakob was born!

MY FAVORITE MOMENTS:

Craig forgot the directions and we didn't even know the name of the place we were staying at--after a few second guesses and a turn around back to the nearest town for gas--we found it! (We didn't argue too much over that one--haha!)
You had to hip chuck our door to get in. . . and it was loud--not good while kids are napping.
On our second night, we realized that our microwave didn't work so I convinced Craig to go work his charm to get us a discount on our stay. (It actually worked in Alaska when the remote didn't work at the hotel with only 3 channels.) He came back with a microwave in his arms. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants!
It sounded like the walls were caving in every time the heat came on. I cracked up every single time!
The shower was barely big enough for me to fit into and once inside--you either got scalding hot or freezing cold water that came shooting out like a knife cutting your back.
I was so kindly blaming Craig for the odd smells in the room and when he took Jakob's diaper off (while Jakob was standing) his poo poo fell out all over the floor! hahahaha!
Jakob's temper tantrums were quite the show--having them when we had to leave the parks or other activities. I could hardly blame him--it was so beautiful everywhere who would want to leave?
The turn dial TV that got 2 channels of reception.

AMAZING MOMENTS:

Our little Jada slept through both nights for 8 hours!!
The blueberry cream pie at Betty's Pies!!
Feeding the seagulls--that was SO MUCH FUN! Craig and I used to feed them all the time when we didn't have children, but to hear Jakob laugh so hard was simply amazing!
The old fashioned thunder/lightening storm on Saturday night--great for sleeping (and keeping Jakob in bed since he was a little bit frightened of the "boom boom in the sky."

SPECTACULAR VIEWS:

We have a million pictures and I hope to finish a little digital scrapbook of our trip before Christmas. We are already planning our trip for next year!!

Piece of Cake!

2008-10-08T21:38:00.006-05:00

I just have to say hats off to all you moms out there who make things look so easy! I think about my struggles as a parent and wonder how my very own mother made our lives so magical, cooked all our meals, cleaned all our rooms, did all of our laundry, did a great portion of our homework (while I slept!), and still managed to keep the house in order and have friends and a social life. And I remind you that she was 10 years younger than me with three children.

My mother had my little sister at the age of 40--so it's not that I feel old--I just wonder when I will magically feel organized and able to keep the house clean, have some meals prepared for my husband (who has been working unGodly hours lately), and feel like I have people to socialize with other than through cyberspace. (Don't get me wrong--all I really have time for right now are cyber friends--and I love all of you with my whole heart--but there is something to be said about "live" interaction in a social setting other than with people at work.)

The only thing I feel that I am not lacking in as a person is making my childrens' lives magical--even if it is in a messy house with last minute dinners consisting of scrambled egg tortillas--which was my idea, but my husband actually cooked. We worked too darn hard to get these beautiful beings in our family--so I'm not going to miss out just to have a clean bedroom. I'm getting better. . . and have been pretty good about letting go of a lot of junk and then recompiling it by shopping on craigslist. But--here are some moments that make every minute of my life so completely worth it! :0)

TRUE LOVE!

2 months

2008-10-01T14:15:00.003-05:00

I can't believe that Jada is already 2 months old! Tomorrow we go in for her 2 month check up and her immunizations--ICK! I have to get a shot myself--so it should be a fun family trip--minus Craig. Jakob still has to get his hepatitis shot--so he may even get one himself. I'm not sure, though, as I may wait on that one for him. His last visit to the doctor was very positive and I didn't want him to get it yet. I'll see what his pediatrician recommends. It will be interesting to see just how big Jada really is. I bet she is in the 100% for everything--which will be completely opposite of Jakob who averaged from the 10% - 50% range (and still does.) I fed her some prunes (baby food) yesterday--simply because I don't think she poops enough. I know they say babies can go several days--but her poop seems to be on the border line of constipation! :0) Just what you wanted to know! Anyway, she loved the prunes and ate them off a spoon, smiling and talking. She is definitely going to be a good eater!! It will also mark the last piece of paperwork that we need to turn in to finalize our adoption.

Jada's birthmom was going to come over last night and didn't show up. I can't even describe how we were feeling. I was so sad and both Craig and I cried a little bit. She seemed so excited to finally meet everyone in her emails. My heart just broke for her and Jada. I just figured when the time came--it was too overwhelming for her. I didn't sleep very well. . . thinking about the future and how it would turn out if she never wanted to be involved with Jada's life. I pretty much held Jada for most of the night--praying that things would change.

We got an email from her birthmom this morning--apologizing--stating that she got sick and since she didn't go to school--she didn't have access to her email and couldn't get a hold of us. She said she still wants to get together. I still can't imagine how difficult it must be to think about meeting us in person and how stressful it may be for her. She is moving out of state for awhile at the end of October--so she maybe feels pressured a bit. I also hope that once she meets us she will want to continue seeing us when she can. It really made me sad to think about her not being in our lives--when we didn't know if she would even ever contact us again. I'm just thankful that she still wants to get together!

Well, I must be going. . . our house was clean yesterday--for our visit. I just don't understand how it can get so messy so fast. I'm off to clean the kitchen--AGAIN--and maybe get some more junk together for the garage sale that our neighbor is having. It would be nice to unload some stuff, recover some much needed space in our house, and have some extra cash for some fun snacks while we are in Duluth next weekend. (Or even just to pay for our hotel.) We are finally all paid up with all of our adoption costs--so it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders (actually out of our now depleted bank account), but we will be able to start our savings over quickly this time as tax season is almost upon us. I think we are the only people that are ever excited about doing our taxes! Too bad we can't get our entire adoption tax credit back all in the same year. We are still collecting on Jakob. . . . at least we know we won't owe anything for awhile--like probably 6 more years! :0)

22 hours. . . . .

2008-09-23T16:20:00.003-05:00

That's what my husband will tell you--that he made it 22 hours without the DISH! But, in all reality, about 20 of those hours were spent sleeping and at work. I was gone Monday night to teach kickbox and returned about 2 1/2 hours later around 9 pm--finding my husband and Jakob eating dinner (yes, at 9pm). He told me he didn't have any time to eat any earlier (not that I care--I've never been a "schedule" kind of person anyway.) I then turned around and saw Monday night football on. Thank goodness he found some time to get our DISH in service again!! And, since we are "special" customers--we also got the Skinemax, oops, I mean Cinemax movie channels free for a whole year! Looks like our house will remain noisy and chaotic!

Bye bye dish TV

2008-09-22T07:36:00.002-05:00

My husband decided that paying $70 a month for TV is ridiculous--and I do agree--so he cancelled it all (I like cancelled with two l's rather than just one). We have no TV--no local channels, nothing. Couldn't he at least have just downgraded a bit? I don't watch that much TV, but I'm thinking about my few addictions like: Intervention, The Cleaner, True Life, American Idol, The Nick Jr. shows that buy me some time to get the dishes done, all the home channels that you can have on with a toddler in the room and get some adult tv with no swearing, Jon and Kate plus 8, The Deadliest Catch, and all my cheesy movies on LMN. Ahhhhh, I will survive. Unfortunately, all the shows I happen to watch are most likely not on the internet. I guess we will be reading more in this house. . . wait, that means having an extra moment to sit with some peace and quiet--well, maybe the paper will actually get read now--instead of going right into the recycling. We will most likely be digging out all our old VCR tapes for some entertainment. I'm counting on all my blog buddies to keep me updated on all the current pop culture happenings--as if I wasn't already in the dark. I'm off to go do something. . . probably outside. (Hubby should have cancelled TV during the summer--not when winter is coming!)

All you have to do is ask!

2008-09-17T15:55:00.004-05:00

We desperately need more cloth diapers. We are using the Bum Genius 3.0 and I absolutely love them. So does Jakob and as of late--has decided that he doesn't want to pee pee on the potty anymore. So, we need enough to get us through another day so I don't have to wash every day. I purchased my first bunch online and got 10% off my entire order and free shipping--AND--got customer points to take money off my next order.

So, I was bummed that I didn't order more the first time--to take advantage of that awesome sale. Today, I emailed the company and asked when their next sale was going to be and they called me back stating they would give me 10% off my order and I could pick them up to save on shipping. I'm so excited!! So, I saved another $38 off my second order and will not have to wash diapers almost every day! Yeah!!

Oh yeah, even though I don't want to divulge my new favorite online store--it is
http://www.comfybummy.com. Let me know if you would like to make a purchase. . . and get me referral points in the process. I would have to email you the link on the page. If not, order up and enjoy!!

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

2008-09-10T15:41:00.002-05:00