Super Undies!

We have a special house full of special kiddos.  We deal with our special issues in very special ways and I don't share with just anyone what those special issues are and how we deal with them.  We do have some potty issues over here.  So far, I'm doing okay....but my three kids (and occasionally my husband, haha) have some problems using the potty.  (Now that we have two very nice bathrooms, thanks to my mom and dad, I hope some of this transition will be easier--or at least easier when clean up is necessary.)  I seriously don't know if my kids are ever going to be able to use the toilet in the way they are supposed to.  I don't need any advice or tips on what to do.  It is just the way that they are.  As pretty much anyone would know, diapers and pull-ups are spendy.  We have used cloth for almost 4 years now.  I've seen some cloth potty training products out there, but after compiling a nice stash of cloth diapers for 3 kiddos, our budget is strapped!

I have been eyeing SUPER UNDIES for quite some time, but I guess I've been stalling, hoping my kiddos would miraculously not need diapers anymore...ha!  And, of course, budget plays a big role.  I don't really need to expand on that.  ANYWAY, I happened to be in the right place at the right time and saw a post on Super Undies' facebook page looking for testers and they felt we would be a great fit!  Woot woot!  We haven't received our product yet, but we get to try out the Nighttime Undies Potty Trainers for my son at night and the Pocket Potty Trainers for my daughter.  I hope these make those number 2 accidents much easier to clean up! Did I say I'm SUPER excited about this?  Can't wait to tell you how they work out!

Gift of Adoption domestic adoption grant launch video

There are so many things lately that I have chosen not to blog about for the privacy of our family.  I want to honor my children and sometimes have a difficult time figuring out what is okay to blog about and what is better left off line.  So as a result, my blog has been, well, greatly neglected for quite some time.  I blogged about Gift of Adoption way back in 2010--right here--when we received a grant to help complete Jenay's adoption.

I've had great dreams of giving back at some point what we were granted--even double or triple the amount--so that another family or two or three could be blessed in a time when all you have is the unknown.  So they could feel like what they are doing is truly meant to happen.  So another child or two or three can be united with a forever family.  Well, it has been two years and I still have been unable to fulfill that dream.  I still have great plans and it will happen when we can do it...I just wish we could do it NOW.  So, until then, we will have to help in ways that we are able to help.  When Gift of Adoption asked us to be a part of their Domestic Adoption Fund launch video it was a no brainer.  We hope that our story along with the other three families that were interviewed will help to move many hearts to want to give to Gift of Adoption.  We hope that it will help them understand that they can be a part of making miracles--forever families created through adoption.  We hope that it will inspire them to give...no matter how much or how little it may be.  We hope that they know that our family is REAL and Gift of Adoption helped us to complete our third adoption.  So what are you waiting for.....everyone needs someone to make them cupcakes when they have a bad day....

Um, yes, some long over due photos:

Jenay and her birthmother on Birthmother's Day!  

Jakob and his birthmother on Birthmother's day.

Jada's birthmother lives out of state and was unable to come this year.  We hope she is able to come visit us soon!  We miss her more than she could ever imagine!

Jada being silly!  

Jakob lost his first tooth!  That kind of deserves a post all of its own....He was so excited for the tooth fairy to come visit him and give him a prize.  BUT, he was even more excited for his birthmother Kaiti to see his tooth and was willing to wait for another night to put his tooth under his pillow so Kaiti could see it.  I think that is the most precious thing EVER!  I heard him talking to himself about how he wouldn't be getting a prize that night.  I told him that maybe the tooth fairy would do something out of the ordinary for him since he is such a special boy.  We wrote a note asking the tooth fairy if she could deliver his tooth that night to Kaiti and put it under her pillow for a surprise and then she could keep it forever--and then he could get his special prize for losing his first tooth.  She was very kind and generous and Kaiti was super excited too.  

Being an adoptive mother goes so far beyond what I envisioned motherhood to be.  I can't take the pain from loss that comes with adoption away.  I can't make it less.  I can't even pretend that it doesn't exist.  BUT, I can share in the joys of parenthood.  I can share some of those experiences that we all dreamed for our children--and ourselves--and make it a reality beyond a photo or a letter.  I want it to be real.  I want it to bring a smile to her face.   I want to remind her again and again that we love her.  

My innocent Jenay....so precious!  (and I say innocent with a tad of sarcasm!) haha!

Learning to skate!

Getting a kiss from Molly--grandpa and grandma's dog

Jenay with her aunt Jessica at Easter time.  When I first saw this photo, it made me stare at it for awhile.  How Jenay's reflection appears to be looking right back at her, but she doesn't appear to be looking at her reflection.  It made me think about how Jenay is probably a completely different person outside her body.  It's like her soul saying that our body is just temporary and someday she will be able to move how she wants to move and say what she wants to say without any physical restrictions.  She is a happy happy soul and I am so thankful for that! 

My free spirit.  

I often wonder why people blog.  Everyone has a different reason.  It could be just an easy way to share with friends and family who don't live very close to you.  It could be a way to educate others.  It could be a personal therapy, so to speak, a way to get all your emotions out and then, of course, that leads to being a part of a virtual support group when others who can relate to your life find you--or you find them.  I love to share, but I am not always so glamorous with my words.  There are moments I want to shout out to the world to make a point, to argue an opinion, to show people that what they think is impossible can happen, to say I know a lot more than you think, to say I know nothing and need more information, or help, or support.  There are moments I don't want to share at all.  Both good and bad.  Moments so amazing that I don't even think I could put into words exactly how I feel.  Moments so painful that I don't want to make anyone else feel bad or sad.  Moments so cherished that I just plain don't want to share.  But if I don't, how will anyone else know just how amazing life can be through the good and the bad.  I'm feeling super protective lately.  Protective of my family and not wanting to venture out into this cyber world with all the crazy things that can happen.  Heck, I don't even venture far from my own home on most days.  All I can say is God has led me to be exactly where I am supposed to be and it is truly amazing how He has brought all these people into my life to hold me up so I feel confident enough to navigate through this overgrown forest with lots of annoying bugs that keep biting me.  Despite my protectiveness...it might be time to start letting it all out....

Do I have any readers left?  I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't...I haven't posted for such a long time.  I assure you, we are still here, busier than I could have ever imagined.  Here are some things I've been thinking about...

• Celiac's Disease
• Gift of Adoption
• PACER
• NACAC
• MN Adopt Help
• Pilates school
• Special needs
• IEP's
• Bullying
• summer school
• Dealing with loss in open adoption
• Ann Fessler
• October baby
• Decluttering 
• Life....

And, that's just the tip of the iceberg....We've had two birthday's here since my last post and I'm long over due for some photos.  So, hopefully soon.  If there's any free time I can muster up...I hope to write something about what you want to know! :0)

I have been neglecting my blog in a horrible way!  It has not been my priority.  I've been focusing on my Pilates school (which is awesome, by the way.)  It has been a very long two months.  We've had sickness, urgent care and ER visits, adenoid surgery, potty training, therapies, extra holiday cleaning jobs, traveling, birthday celebrations and birth family visits on top of our already hectic lives.  I am elated to announce that Jada's birth grandpa came over to meet Jada for the first time.  I am so excited as I know this was a very big step and I hope our relationship continues to grow with her birth family.  I hope her birthmother comes home to visit soon as I miss her dearly.  So does Jada.  We have been able to have Jenay's birthmother, her sister and sister's baby over and FINALLY, Kaiti was here too!  YAY!  Jakob's birth grand parents are coming this weekend.  I think seeing all these visits is sometimes difficult for Jada, wondering when her momma is coming again.  It is difficult to have someone live far away.  I am reminded, though, that she first thought she wanted a closed adoption so I am so very thankful that we have such a beautiful open relationship with her.

Anyway, back to all these visits...um, no, it is not easy to get our house cleaned, and it really isn't convenient to go out somewhere especially in the winter time.

Jakob turned 6!  I simply cannot believe it.  I will post some photos soon.  I just have to get them uploaded to my computer.  I'm even behind on doing that.  As always, I have a million more things I really want to say.  Deep and complex and unfortunately, a little bit too private.  :0)  I have to keep you coming back some way.  The one blog post every two months isn't going to be enough.

I have not been very good about posting lately--using the excuse that we are so very busy.  We are so very busy, so it works, but if I'm going to be honest, our 'open' relationships in our 'open' adoptions were not being so 'open' and I had no idea what to think of it.  I was distraught and couldn't really post about something that really isn't my story to tell.  I want open.  And from what other people say, we are pretty darn open in our adoptions.  And then all of a sudden....it stopped.  No calls, no visits, no emails, no responses--from any of our birthmothers.  I was crushed.  I know they all have their own unique reasons and our ebbs and flows are not always ebbing and flowing in sync with each other.  We chose to set some boundaries that caused one ebb to crash--and crash hard.  Out of respect, I will keep the specifics private but the result of no contact was not the outcome we were intending to happen.  I will never give up when things don't go as planned, but I will not push something that somebody does not want.  I'm sure there was a lot of anger that needed work.  The reason the new boundary was set is not something my husband and I are going to change our minds on and I'm sure it is not easy to take.  It does not change my love for her and my desire to have a close relationship and I hope we can work through that.

Another relationship is just plain hampered by circumstance.  Lack of internet.  Lack of phone.  Living a little bit too far to be more help.  Every time we had something set up to get together, it seemed to fall through.  That intense feeling of being crushed over and over and over again....and quite honestly, I am on the easier end of it.  I see my babies everyday.  I can only imagine the intense emotions that our children's birthmothers experience on a day to day basis.  

Then, out of the blue...I got an email from one birthmother and on the same day, a phone call from another one.  The good Lord knew that I needed to hear from them.  We were able to sneak in a visit in our crazy schedule with one and we are still working on the other one.  It seems everyone has a bit much going on lately.  I do not take my time with any of my babies' first mommas for granted.  Not one bit.  Reality warns me that it could be the last time--or a long time before we see them or hear from them again.  I hope they all know that I am here for them.  I do have their back.  I will support them as best I can.  I will stand up for them.  I will figure out how to help them make their dreams come true.  I will have rules...just like any other person that truly loves them.  Oh how I love them.  I hope they always know that.  Even when it may seem like I don't.  Here are some photos of our last visit.  Enjoy!   

Cousins 

Sleepy time on the couch! :0)

Lovin' up our kiddos! 

One of my favorites!  Momma and daughter.

Jenay and her birthmother!  Don't they look EXACTLY alike?