The thing with open adoption is just when you think you have it all figured out--something else throws you for a loop. I can sit and analyze, worry, speculate, assume, guess, ask, wonder, pray, pursue, succeed AND fail, and still not know the answers that I am looking for. I still don't know the role I am meant to take. I guess all I can do is to offer myself and make it clear--and I mean clear--that I will always be here, no matter what, no matter when, no matter how she wants to be in our life. Maybe she already knows this. Maybe she already feels this. Maybe she already knows how much we love her--for real. Maybe, for once in her life, she feels free and just needs to be who she was always meant to be. I wish I knew, though. . . I still wish I knew.