Thursday, December 16, 2010

Adoption unknown. . .

The thing with open adoption is just when you think you have it all figured out--something else throws you for a loop.  I can sit and analyze, worry, speculate, assume, guess, ask, wonder, pray, pursue, succeed AND fail, and still not know the answers that I am looking for.  I still don't know the role I am meant to take.  I guess all I can do is to offer myself and make it clear--and I mean clear--that I will always be here, no matter what, no matter when, no matter how she wants to be in our life.  Maybe she already knows this.  Maybe she already feels this.  Maybe she already knows how much we love her--for real.  Maybe, for once in her life, she feels free and just needs to be who she was always meant to be.  I wish I knew, though. . . I still wish I knew. 

4 comments:

April said...

I think it's pretty safe to say that you have made it clear to her how you feel. If only we could look into the minds of our kid's birth parents and know what they are thinking.

A Family of Love said...

I totally understand but most of the time, I question myself though and wonder if I'm doing enough for them.

Sabrina said...

Your love is overflowing and it is very evident.
It was wonderful seeing you last night! :)

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, me too, Jodi, me too!
Jen