HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKOB!

I can't believe Jakob will be 5 tomorrow. He must be excited--the kids would not go to sleep tonight. I hope they sleep well--we have a lot of fun planned for tomorrow! Happy birthday my sweet baby boy Jakob!!! Tomorrow we will honor your beautiful birthmother too for choosing to bring you into this world! We love you both so very much!

Minnesota winter fun!

Here's a few of our pictures from our FIRST winter storm back in mid December.  We do actually love the winter for the most part.  We even thought about moving to Alaska at one point of our lives.  Maybe someday. . . . but it seems Minnesota is doing the trick for us now.  The kids were able to do some sledding with Grandpa while we visited them for Christmas.  I knew I should have run out there with my camera, but watching them from the window was the most precious thing ever.  I will never forget that.  Grandpa dug some tunnels for them too.  I'm so happy that my kids enjoy being outside!

IT'S OFFICIAL! HAPPY ADOPTION DAY!

There was a time when I wasn't sure if we were going to ever be able to finalize Jenay's adoption.  It has been a long and weathered road, and I'm sure our journey has only just begun, but we can now travel that road as an official FOREVER FAMILY!  I could not be more thankful for all the help and support we have received from Lutheran Social Services, Walling, Berg & Debele, P.A., Gift of Adoption, Hennepin County Juvenile Court, and of course, all our family and friends!  We are forever grateful to have Jenay's birthmom in our lives and hope that our relationship continues to grow and grow and grow.  We love her so! 

Adoption unknown. . .

The thing with open adoption is just when you think you have it all figured out--something else throws you for a loop.  I can sit and analyze, worry, speculate, assume, guess, ask, wonder, pray, pursue, succeed AND fail, and still not know the answers that I am looking for.  I still don't know the role I am meant to take.  I guess all I can do is to offer myself and make it clear--and I mean clear--that I will always be here, no matter what, no matter when, no matter how she wants to be in our life.  Maybe she already knows this.  Maybe she already feels this.  Maybe she already knows how much we love her--for real.  Maybe, for once in her life, she feels free and just needs to be who she was always meant to be.  I wish I knew, though. . . I still wish I knew. 

2010 Holiday Photo Contest: Christmas Wishes - Adoption Photos - Adoptive Families

2010 Holiday Photo Contest: Christmas Wishes - Adoption Photos - Adoptive Families

I never enter contests. . . but I fell in love with this photo (hubby's toe included) and really love the Adoptive Families magazine and really hope to win a year's subscription since it just expired and we didn't renew due to our massive budget cut when Nay Nay came home to our family much quicker than we could have ever expected. AND, since we have had this AWESOME snow storm here in MN, it was a great time to do some things I don't normally have time to do! Hopefully, I can get some more photos of that up here for you!!! We've been having fun making our "outdoor" playground of tunnels and trails!!

Sweet music to my ears. . . .

I remember the day that we got the call about Jenay's birthmom wanting to meet us like it was just yesterday.  Of course, we didn't even know Jenay was a girl yet.  Everything happened so fast. . . she was born the next day after the call and they had to change our match meeting place.  So the next day we went to the hospital to meet T.  We still didn't even know if she had a girl or boy yet.  T is very quiet and not much was said so we had no clue what to think.  We even got to meet baby Jenay before we left.  The next day we had a phone conversation with T and about an hour later her social worker called us and asked us when we could come pick the baby up.  There was just a little bit of chaos and we were still unsure if we were being chosen, or if we were kind of just being placed so baby wouldn't have to go to foster care.  Due to the complexity of the situation, we knew that it would be some time before we would be out of legal risk and the longer Jenay was with us, the harder it became to face the reality that as long as we were in legal risk, her first momma could choose to parent her--meaning we would lose her.  It's difficult to grieve that thought when you know that a birth parent is actually experiencing that grief.  A birth parent that you love and deeply care for.  A first parent that you want to hold tight to and make all their problems disappear with the blink of an eye.  But yet, you don't want to lose that child that you already love so deeply, who is already a part of your heart. 

Our agency has a "glimpse" of waiting parent's profiles online.  You can't see the entire profile, but most of us on there have links to blogs or adoption sites with more information.  We were on the up and up of openness and actually linked ours to my blog.  When a family is matched--the agency will put that by their names.  When they are out of legal risk, they will say, "Congrats on the arrival of a _________!"  (Girl or Boy, obviously).  I remember seeing "Matched" by our names after about a week and bursting into tears because the reality of being in legal risk for a long time finally hit me in the face.   We breathed, sighed, slept, ate, tried not to think about it, prayed God would have His will be done--sooner than later--kept on living, breathing, sleeping, eating, taking care of babies and a gazillion other things on top of that.  We have certainly been on a journey that is far from over, but has already brought us more than we could have ever imagined.  On Wednesday, November 3, at 4:31pm, we were officially out of legal risk. We can now petition the court to officially adopt her.   A new beginning for all of us. 

But something was still missing. . . .

Until I visited the LSS Waiting Family site today and saw those sweet beautiful words written by our names, "Congratulations on the arrival of a girl!"  Even though she has already been with us for eight months those words rang loud and clear that she is here to stay and that her and her beautiful birth mommy will always be a part of our lives!  Thanks be to God! 

I have to be honest. . . I've been totally avoiding my blog because I haven't wanted to update anything.  I guess we were not quite prepared for the undertaking that came along with this third process of adoption.  It has been long and emotional and unpredictable and amazing and wonderful and beautiful and undeniably the right situation for our family, but so long and emotional and unpredictable.  It has been difficult to know where our boundaries are and what our responsibilities should be.  But, the simple truth is that in my heart, I know we are going to have to advocate for Jenay's birthmom.  I know things have not been easy for her to get in touch with us.  I know she has been extremely busy.  I'm sure if this process has been emotional for us, that it has been 1000 times more emotional for her.  We are supposed to have a visit this month and I'm not sure it's going to happen.  We haven't heard from her--directly.  I'm sure it's a combination of a bunch of things--but it still makes me sad.  I'm sure we will be able to schedule something next month instead.  I just want her to know that we will always be here for her.  That we WANT to see her.  That we do LOVE her! 


I hope to see my three mommas soon!  I have a ton to say. . .but I'm keeping it all inside for now.  So, until I spill the beans. . . .here are some fun photos!

Did I forget to mention that I turned 40?  OOPS!  Here we are in DULUTH celebrating!  Craig surprised me with my mom and dad!  It was and awesome time despite Craig getting sick on the second day.  We weren't able to do all the things we planned, but the weather was spectacular and we were able to be outside without our parkas! 

I hope you all have a very happy Halloween!  Here are some of our pre Halloween photos.  I'm so behind on my blog that I have a million photos to choose from!  I guess you will have to find me on facebook if you want to see more! :0)