Match Meeting

I have forgotten how emotionally intense and emotionally draining a match meeting is.  You go into it with great anticipation and excitement and face the reality that this is one of the most difficult decisions a parent will probably have to make in their lives for their child.  You grieve for their potential loss and the pain they are experiencing.  You hurt for their hearts.  You wonder how they even had the strength to show up to meet you.  You wonder what they thought of you.  My husband and I hope that this young woman and her mother left feeling like all their questions were answered.  We hope they felt supported and loved by us.  We hope we have helped them to know in their hearts what their decision will be--even if it isn't to place her baby with us.  We do truly believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason.  He felt they needed us (or we needed them) and that we needed to meet.  Even though this will be our third child, the process has not been any easier (except for maybe the wait for the match meeting).  It still is as emotionally intense as I remember when me met Jakob's birthmom and her mother for the first time.  (We didn't have a match meeting with Jada's birthmom--she just chose us and we came and picked up Jada--that was "easy"--so to speak.)  We have no idea what to expect--none--nada--zippo.  I pray that she feels at peace with whatever decision she makes and that we will always be here to support her, no matter what.  She really is amazing--really!

We have been talking about our match meeting with the kids.  We said we were going to meet with someone like Kaiti and Carmen who wanted to find a family for their baby and that she wanted to meet us to see if she wanted her baby to come to our family.  Evidently Jakob thought we were bringing a baby home and was severely disappointed when we got home.  He asked where the baby was.  The look on his face was so heart breaking.  I really didn't think he was processing what we were saying to that level.  He surprises me every day.  It is just a reminder how important it is to keep talking about our children's adoption stories to them.  They are listening and they want to know.  It was a treat to actually have Kaiti be able to watch Jakob and Jada while we were at our match meeting.  The kids love her to death!!!  Oh, we are so blessed already it is impossible to think that it could really happen again.  It's in God's hands!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Our house has not been left short with things to do! I'm glad I got a head start on some of our "summery" November days and set up our outdoor Christmas decorations since these past two weeks I've been blessed with what is now a sinus infection which has pretty much knocked me on my hiney! I say blessed because just before I got sick, I met with my mom's group at church and we committed to choosing a bible verse to memorize. I chose, "Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger James 1:19". God works in mysterious ways. He took my voice with my sickness--so I couldn't speak. He took my energy so I was certainly unable to even get angry at anything. All I could do was listen--and that I did. All those simple things we take for granted. My kids have been amazing through all of this. It's like they know they need to be helpful, and nice, and good--most of the time. I can't expect them to be that ALL of the time! :0)

I also chose a second verse, "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5" It has always been a verse that has helped me through our adoption process--for both me and our childrens' birth families. I know that adoption can bring much sadness, but I pray that we can all rejoice as our families come together to celebrate God's gifts! But, the reason I wanted to remember this verse again, is through my grief of losing two highschool classmates this past month. It is still unknown to me how one has died, but the other lost her battle to breast cancer after a 2 year battle. I took for granted that her strong and spunky personality would get her through this. It is difficult to grieve, knowing that they have gone to be with Jesus, but so hard to let go of them at such a young age. Both were only 39 and will be greatly missed by many until we all meet again.

I just don't have enough time to write about everything I would love to tell you! If you know me personally. . . you know I love to talk and definitely love to babble in emails. I hope you all can find something fortunate in your life this holiday season. This time of year has always brought me great joy and I am so excited to celebrate with friends and family! (I just need to ditch my cough!) haha! Here's some more pictures of my blessings!

Jakob and Jada are "cooking something". If you look closely, though, Jada is taking bites out of the raw potatoes--which, Jakob thinks are kiwi. At least they aren't fighting! :0)

Another loving moment! I just can't get enough of these!


Celebrating Thanksgiving with Jakob's birthmom (and her family whom are not pictured--haha). I was not feeling well, so Craig pretty much did everything. The food was great along with the company and we are doing it all over again for Christmas! Yeah! We have found that it is much easier to have people to our home--since we know about 99% of homes just aren't Jada proofed! :0)

Happy Birthday Jada!

One year ago tonight. . .my baby girl was born and I didn't even know about it. We didn't find out until the next afternoon that we were chosen to be her parents and that she would be coming home the very next day. It's a good thing they called us when they did--as we were on our way out of town for my 20 year class reunion. Nope--we didn't make it and I certainly have no regrets. There are sacrifices you make just to be a parent and that had to be one of them.

Jada's birthmom is amazing. I cannot even imagine how this whole first year has been for her. We went from the concept of her adoption being closed, to emailing, to visits, to building a very wonderful, beautiful and trusting relationship (at least I hope she feels that way.) We were even blessed with an unexpected meeting with Jada's birth grandmother when they stopped by on the way to the airport to drop off some gifts for Jada. It is amazing how things evolve and turn out the way they do. I cannot imagine our life without Jada. I cannot imagine our life without Carmen.

Jada giving the thumbs up on her fancy pants robe. I think she has expensive taste already! :0)

This is a very very special plaque that hung on Carmen's wall when she was growing up. I cannot think of a more endearing gift from the heart. Jada loves to carry it around, but she is not very gentle with it--so it sitting on her dresser waiting to be hung on her wall.

This year has gone by far too fast and yet I am so excited for the things to come. We have a tradition to take a photo at the time of baby's birth. Jakob was born at 10:08pm so he has been easy so far since he is sleeping (I'm sure that will change in the coming years!). Jada, however, seriously, would not hold still for a second--so all the actual 7:29pm pictures are blurry. If that is any indication of Carmen's labor and birth with Jada, I know she is even more amazing than I thought! haha! If that is any indication of what she is going to be like in the future. . . we may be in trouble! :0) Here's my sweet sweet baby girl one year later after arriving in the outside world! Love you Jada!! Love you Carmen!!

Happy happy birthday! May we help all of your wishes and dreams come true!!

What in the world have you been doing?

I'm sure my three readers have been wondering where the heck I have been. . . Well, Jada turned 9 months old and decided that she was going to get 4 teeth, start crawling, pull herself up, and now cruise the world all in a matter of about two weeks. So, needless to say--we are severely busy at our house! Jakob can be a little rough around the edges at times so the kids are under constant supervision! :0) Although, Jada has him in strength and puts up a good fight for toys! She weighed 21 lbs 5 oz at her 9 month check up and Jakob weighed in at 28 lbs. She is 29 1/4 inches long. I'm sure they will be caught up to each other within the next year or so! I am told that he is a typical oppositional defiant three year old--who is currently refusing to use the potty chair. He may pretend to not want his sister around him at times. . .but nobody is fooled and we know he totally adores her and wants to be exactly like her--so he should be using the potty at around age 5 when Jada is finally trained! :0)

I have started to get serious about my workouts--yes, I know--even trainers have a problem with slacking. I just can't figure out how I have managed to ever so effortlessly gain 20 lbs in the last year. There could very well be a medical explanation. . . but I have to take just a little bit of responsibility for my poor time management, terrible eating habits, and disillusion that I was doing what I should be to lose weight. It has been a very frustrating process--especially since I don't have any summer clothes that fit anymore. I am thankful for the warmer weather. We have been out biking, walking, running and playing at the park and in the yard. It should also help when Jada starts to sleep though the night. . . she has been successful the last two nights! I hope it continues!!! We are exhausted!!!

We are still waiting for the creepy construction guy to finish our sidewalk. He botched the job and now has yet to fix it. Choose wisely when you have work done to your home. It has not been a very positive experience. The good thing about it all is the city of Bloomington is holding our money and actually pays out the contractor--so they don't get their money until we are satisfied and there really is no argument. Too bad, so sad, dude! All that is left is our driveway. I hope the sidewalk is done before they come to finish the driveway. We were able to get all of this stuff done through a program/low interest loan through the city of Bloomington. I'm thankful we can't afford to do anything else--this is way too much stress for my liking! :0) I do know that it will be awesome when it is all done!!

Not much else on the forefront. Just the usual stuff that keeps us as busy as the next family! I can't wait for it to be consistently warm--even if I don't have any shorts that fit! haha! Here's some fun pictures!

Kaiti and Jakob on Birthmother's Day (the Saturday before Mother's Day). We have made it a tradition to spend the day together and celebrate our family. It was a really fun day!! We just hung out, played outside, ate pizza AND McD's, and just talked and talked and talked!

Our awesome bike trailer! There is a screen that comes over the front when we are riding. I am still working on getting a good fit with Jada's helmet. They are so safe in the trailer that the helmets probably aren't really necessary. . . but I just want to get the habit going.

Goofy boy posing for a picture for Kaiti!

Happy girl!

Lounging on a walk. . . ready to fall asleep at any moment!

Highlights!

Wowsers! It has been a long time since I've had remotely any time to blog. Today is no different--but I always have so much to say--and never any time to say it! Here are some highlights of our life in the past few weeks!

• Jada has been rocking on her hands and knees--it won't be long now and we will be chasing around a crawler!
  
  
• She also can officially sit up on her own--as in--we put her in the position and she will sit for 20 minutes and even longer!
  
  
• Still no teeth. . . but she sure acts like there will be some here soon!
  
• Jada is in the 90th percentile for weight and height. Jakob is in the 3rd percentile for weight and 50th for height. We are on the "you need to gain weight" diet. (Very challenging with a 3 year old.) He gets weighed again in two months--and then possibly some blood work to make sure he is just light--and has nothing else wrong.
  
• Jakob is sure there are monsters in his closet forcing me to sleep on the air mattress once again in his bedroom. I just don't think it is right to let a child cry themselves to sleep when they are frightened. It hurts my heart!
• Jakob also has discovered that "Mama n Jada no have penises." He is quite the intelligent child--don't you think?
• We have made some progress with potty training--and now back in diapers. Oh well.
• He has been enjoying Dad's favorite sport out in the driveway--after a few tears when dad shut the garage door and he could no longer play with the air compressor!!
  
  
• We spoke at an adoption training seminar last Thursday with Kaiti and along with two other couples. One with a domestic open adoption and the other family had two international adoptions from Columbia. I think we inspired at least a couple of people. I don't think we scared anyone--although there were a lot of blank expressions! Kaiti did a really good job! We are so proud of her! :0)
• And we have been contemplating adding to our family--just one more time--well, maybe me more than hubby--but I'm working on him. It is something we need to think about now--as you never know just how long the wait might be. We'll see where God's plan takes us!
  
• Did I mention that I fall in love more and more each day with my family? How could I ever be so blessed!!
  

2 months

I can't believe that Jada is already 2 months old! Tomorrow we go in for her 2 month check up and her immunizations--ICK! I have to get a shot myself--so it should be a fun family trip--minus Craig. Jakob still has to get his hepatitis shot--so he may even get one himself. I'm not sure, though, as I may wait on that one for him. His last visit to the doctor was very positive and I didn't want him to get it yet. I'll see what his pediatrician recommends. It will be interesting to see just how big Jada really is. I bet she is in the 100% for everything--which will be completely opposite of Jakob who averaged from the 10% - 50% range (and still does.) I fed her some prunes (baby food) yesterday--simply because I don't think she poops enough. I know they say babies can go several days--but her poop seems to be on the border line of constipation! :0) Just what you wanted to know! Anyway, she loved the prunes and ate them off a spoon, smiling and talking. She is definitely going to be a good eater!! It will also mark the last piece of paperwork that we need to turn in to finalize our adoption.

Jada's birthmom was going to come over last night and didn't show up. I can't even describe how we were feeling. I was so sad and both Craig and I cried a little bit. She seemed so excited to finally meet everyone in her emails. My heart just broke for her and Jada. I just figured when the time came--it was too overwhelming for her. I didn't sleep very well. . . thinking about the future and how it would turn out if she never wanted to be involved with Jada's life. I pretty much held Jada for most of the night--praying that things would change.

We got an email from her birthmom this morning--apologizing--stating that she got sick and since she didn't go to school--she didn't have access to her email and couldn't get a hold of us. She said she still wants to get together. I still can't imagine how difficult it must be to think about meeting us in person and how stressful it may be for her. She is moving out of state for awhile at the end of October--so she maybe feels pressured a bit. I also hope that once she meets us she will want to continue seeing us when she can. It really made me sad to think about her not being in our lives--when we didn't know if she would even ever contact us again. I'm just thankful that she still wants to get together!

Well, I must be going. . . our house was clean yesterday--for our visit. I just don't understand how it can get so messy so fast. I'm off to clean the kitchen--AGAIN--and maybe get some more junk together for the garage sale that our neighbor is having. It would be nice to unload some stuff, recover some much needed space in our house, and have some extra cash for some fun snacks while we are in Duluth next weekend. (Or even just to pay for our hotel.) We are finally all paid up with all of our adoption costs--so it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders (actually out of our now depleted bank account), but we will be able to start our savings over quickly this time as tax season is almost upon us. I think we are the only people that are ever excited about doing our taxes! Too bad we can't get our entire adoption tax credit back all in the same year. We are still collecting on Jakob. . . . at least we know we won't owe anything for awhile--like probably 6 more years! :0)

Where for art thou?

In case you were wondering where I have been, the squirrels decided to chew through our phone line--leaving it exposed to the elements of nature--making it full of static with the humidity and rain last week--meaning we were getting bumped off the internet making it nearly impossible to post anything online or send emails and what not. As far as I know, Qwest still hasn't been out to fix the line. . . but the humidity is gone--so, for now, we have a connection.

Also, our little princess Jada seems to be having bouts of colic keeping all of us very busy and virtually unable to type anything on the computer as she is in desperate need of being held--pretty much all the time. She has been a sleeping machine today--so I have gotten quite a bit done and I may even go make some cupcakes after this. I'm sure she will start her colic just about the time I need to leave for work.

We had a super fun weekend partaking in the Fall Festival at St. Boni's church by our house and then a lovely trip to the zoo on Sunday! We got up early and left unshowered--but it was worth it to FINALLY have a chance to get up close to the grizzly bears! Our whole family does not fair well with the big crowds that have been there all summer! We also met a couple who just brought their 2 1/2 year old daughter home from Ethiopia in April. It was wonderful to hear their story--and Jakob seemed to totally adore her!

For some reason, I just love this picture of Jakob at the Tiger Camp! He was totally getting into playing with the computer and when I told him to smile, he put his hand on the coffee cup and tried to pull it off the table to drink it. He is such a ham!!

A boy and his sucker. . . Jakob was falling asleep with his treat!



Jada loves the outside air and has yet to be awake during any of our activities during the day. She is so sweet! We have almost all of our paperwork done to proceed with the court portion of the adoption. We are still waiting on a cooperative agreement proposal and the social/medical form. We continue to email Jada's birthmom on a weekly basis. I never thought that emailing would be difficult on a weekly basis--but we sometimes struggle with the time aspect--nothing else about it is difficult and we still pray that our relationship continues to grow with Jada's birthfamily. Things are going as well as you could expect them to be when you are sleep deprived to the max. We can't wait for our first family (of 4) get-away to Duluth in October. It should be interesting!!

Our newest pet. . . . just kidding--it's fake, really!

Dream big!

We have been the busiest people ever! Well, maybe not the busiest. . .but it sure feels like it. We finally got our (used, but new to us) hE washer and dryer installed last weekend! They have been sitting in our garage for three weeks!! They are really really really awesome and great for washing diapers! We moved Jakob into his new bedroom and he is officially in his toddler bed now. We sold our guest bed in less than 30 minutes on good ole craigslist. The computer is now in our bedroom so we can use it when Jakob is sleeping. Jada's room still needs a little organizing. We have been submerged with clothes for from friends for when she is 6 months to 2 years old! They are all beautiful!!!!!!! We are so blessed to have all these wonderful people in our lives. We have packed up about 4 big garbage bags full of goods for the goodwill. We just need to purge--we are overflowing with love here!!

We are now out of legal risk as of yesterday at 4:30pm. We had our first home visit today and another one in about a month. We have to find some time to get our paperwork done so we can get all the necessary things completed for court. Hopefully, we will be able to finalize this year. I guess it all depends on how busy Hennipen County is during November and December! Our relationship with Jada's birthmom has been developing in such a beautiful manner through email. We hope it keeps growing and that we get a chance to have her in our lives a little bit more in the future (as in seeing her in person.) Well, I have a billion more things to talk about and no time. Desperately seeking sleep. . . . Everyone is the same in this house and nobody wants to miss a thing--including Jada--she is the most awake baby ever! We all seem to be doing a bit better with the acid reflux. There are good days and bad days. I can't believe that she will have been with us for four weeks this Friday! We love her so much and honestly. . . can't really remember what life was like without her. We are truly blessed!! We pray that we can make both Kaiti's (Jakob's birthmom) and Jada's birthmom's hopes and dreams that they have for their children come true. After all--we are big dreamers here. . . and look where it got us! :0)

1/23/2008

My feeble attempt to make a cake--it's pretty lame looking--but it is the thought that counts, isn't it? I'm trying to take a picture of Jakob and Kaiti, while dad is keeping the candles away from him!!
Who needs plates anyway? Jakob did a good job of making me feel okay about the lame cake!

All those presents--and Jakob would rather play with a small piece of ripped paper!!

10:08 on 1/23/2008--Jakob's birth time and date. We are going to try to take one every year--as long as we can, anyway! :0)

Every moment seems to be an eternity while you are waiting to be chosen in the adoption process. The only time that doesn't stand still is watching your child grow once they come into your family. Our son turned two on 1/23/2008. We were fortunate to be able to spend some time with Kaiti (Jakob's birthmom) due to our lack of skill in planning and knack for last minute ideas! She had already made other plans, but was able to sneak over here for a few hours. I know that this day is very difficult for her. I know that it really really hurts. I simply cannot begin to imagine the depth of that pain and if that pain will ever go away. I do know that she doesn't think of herself as a strong person and that she is definitely not a hero--but I beg to differ.

Here's a definition straight from the Random House College Dictionary:
hero 1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

She has tremendous courage. Courage to get up and face each day--she could very easily give in to her feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and doubt and just give up. She has the courage to share her story--with tremendous pride--even though it may hurt--in the hopes of helping others. She has the courage to find happiness in amongst all these confusing days. She has the courage to move forward with life and face it head on--open to new things and change to better her life. She has the courage to talk to US about it.

I have never felt so honored in my life--to have Kaiti--want to tell me about her life, about herself, about her successes, and about her failures. For all of that, she is admired for her brave deeds and noble qualities and definitely worthy of being titled a hero.

And then she comes over with a Willow Tree figurine for us--titled Hero. So thought out--basically saying that we are her heros. Open for interpretation, I guess, as I wonder how that could really be--us being heros in her eyes.

I know now how much pressure one feels to be perfect--to live up to those expectations or interpretations of what we think being a hero is. I don't expect Kaiti to be perfect, I love her just as she is--that is part of the reason why I see her as our hero--it takes great courage to face one's own imperfections. I hope everyone remembers that. We don't need to be perfect to shine in this world--we don't need to be perfect to be loved, we don't even need to be perfect to be looked upon as a hero. (Lord knows I've made many mistakes along the way!)

She is one of the lights in my heart and I'm going to let it shine!!