Match Meeting

I have forgotten how emotionally intense and emotionally draining a match meeting is.  You go into it with great anticipation and excitement and face the reality that this is one of the most difficult decisions a parent will probably have to make in their lives for their child.  You grieve for their potential loss and the pain they are experiencing.  You hurt for their hearts.  You wonder how they even had the strength to show up to meet you.  You wonder what they thought of you.  My husband and I hope that this young woman and her mother left feeling like all their questions were answered.  We hope they felt supported and loved by us.  We hope we have helped them to know in their hearts what their decision will be--even if it isn't to place her baby with us.  We do truly believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason.  He felt they needed us (or we needed them) and that we needed to meet.  Even though this will be our third child, the process has not been any easier (except for maybe the wait for the match meeting).  It still is as emotionally intense as I remember when me met Jakob's birthmom and her mother for the first time.  (We didn't have a match meeting with Jada's birthmom--she just chose us and we came and picked up Jada--that was "easy"--so to speak.)  We have no idea what to expect--none--nada--zippo.  I pray that she feels at peace with whatever decision she makes and that we will always be here to support her, no matter what.  She really is amazing--really!

We have been talking about our match meeting with the kids.  We said we were going to meet with someone like Kaiti and Carmen who wanted to find a family for their baby and that she wanted to meet us to see if she wanted her baby to come to our family.  Evidently Jakob thought we were bringing a baby home and was severely disappointed when we got home.  He asked where the baby was.  The look on his face was so heart breaking.  I really didn't think he was processing what we were saying to that level.  He surprises me every day.  It is just a reminder how important it is to keep talking about our children's adoption stories to them.  They are listening and they want to know.  It was a treat to actually have Kaiti be able to watch Jakob and Jada while we were at our match meeting.  The kids love her to death!!!  Oh, we are so blessed already it is impossible to think that it could really happen again.  It's in God's hands!

Happy Birthday Jada!

One year ago tonight. . .my baby girl was born and I didn't even know about it. We didn't find out until the next afternoon that we were chosen to be her parents and that she would be coming home the very next day. It's a good thing they called us when they did--as we were on our way out of town for my 20 year class reunion. Nope--we didn't make it and I certainly have no regrets. There are sacrifices you make just to be a parent and that had to be one of them.

Jada's birthmom is amazing. I cannot even imagine how this whole first year has been for her. We went from the concept of her adoption being closed, to emailing, to visits, to building a very wonderful, beautiful and trusting relationship (at least I hope she feels that way.) We were even blessed with an unexpected meeting with Jada's birth grandmother when they stopped by on the way to the airport to drop off some gifts for Jada. It is amazing how things evolve and turn out the way they do. I cannot imagine our life without Jada. I cannot imagine our life without Carmen.

Jada giving the thumbs up on her fancy pants robe. I think she has expensive taste already! :0)

This is a very very special plaque that hung on Carmen's wall when she was growing up. I cannot think of a more endearing gift from the heart. Jada loves to carry it around, but she is not very gentle with it--so it sitting on her dresser waiting to be hung on her wall.

This year has gone by far too fast and yet I am so excited for the things to come. We have a tradition to take a photo at the time of baby's birth. Jakob was born at 10:08pm so he has been easy so far since he is sleeping (I'm sure that will change in the coming years!). Jada, however, seriously, would not hold still for a second--so all the actual 7:29pm pictures are blurry. If that is any indication of Carmen's labor and birth with Jada, I know she is even more amazing than I thought! haha! If that is any indication of what she is going to be like in the future. . . we may be in trouble! :0) Here's my sweet sweet baby girl one year later after arriving in the outside world! Love you Jada!! Love you Carmen!!

Happy happy birthday! May we help all of your wishes and dreams come true!!

2 months

I can't believe that Jada is already 2 months old! Tomorrow we go in for her 2 month check up and her immunizations--ICK! I have to get a shot myself--so it should be a fun family trip--minus Craig. Jakob still has to get his hepatitis shot--so he may even get one himself. I'm not sure, though, as I may wait on that one for him. His last visit to the doctor was very positive and I didn't want him to get it yet. I'll see what his pediatrician recommends. It will be interesting to see just how big Jada really is. I bet she is in the 100% for everything--which will be completely opposite of Jakob who averaged from the 10% - 50% range (and still does.) I fed her some prunes (baby food) yesterday--simply because I don't think she poops enough. I know they say babies can go several days--but her poop seems to be on the border line of constipation! :0) Just what you wanted to know! Anyway, she loved the prunes and ate them off a spoon, smiling and talking. She is definitely going to be a good eater!! It will also mark the last piece of paperwork that we need to turn in to finalize our adoption.

Jada's birthmom was going to come over last night and didn't show up. I can't even describe how we were feeling. I was so sad and both Craig and I cried a little bit. She seemed so excited to finally meet everyone in her emails. My heart just broke for her and Jada. I just figured when the time came--it was too overwhelming for her. I didn't sleep very well. . . thinking about the future and how it would turn out if she never wanted to be involved with Jada's life. I pretty much held Jada for most of the night--praying that things would change.

We got an email from her birthmom this morning--apologizing--stating that she got sick and since she didn't go to school--she didn't have access to her email and couldn't get a hold of us. She said she still wants to get together. I still can't imagine how difficult it must be to think about meeting us in person and how stressful it may be for her. She is moving out of state for awhile at the end of October--so she maybe feels pressured a bit. I also hope that once she meets us she will want to continue seeing us when she can. It really made me sad to think about her not being in our lives--when we didn't know if she would even ever contact us again. I'm just thankful that she still wants to get together!

Well, I must be going. . . our house was clean yesterday--for our visit. I just don't understand how it can get so messy so fast. I'm off to clean the kitchen--AGAIN--and maybe get some more junk together for the garage sale that our neighbor is having. It would be nice to unload some stuff, recover some much needed space in our house, and have some extra cash for some fun snacks while we are in Duluth next weekend. (Or even just to pay for our hotel.) We are finally all paid up with all of our adoption costs--so it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders (actually out of our now depleted bank account), but we will be able to start our savings over quickly this time as tax season is almost upon us. I think we are the only people that are ever excited about doing our taxes! Too bad we can't get our entire adoption tax credit back all in the same year. We are still collecting on Jakob. . . . at least we know we won't owe anything for awhile--like probably 6 more years! :0)

Where for art thou?

In case you were wondering where I have been, the squirrels decided to chew through our phone line--leaving it exposed to the elements of nature--making it full of static with the humidity and rain last week--meaning we were getting bumped off the internet making it nearly impossible to post anything online or send emails and what not. As far as I know, Qwest still hasn't been out to fix the line. . . but the humidity is gone--so, for now, we have a connection.

Also, our little princess Jada seems to be having bouts of colic keeping all of us very busy and virtually unable to type anything on the computer as she is in desperate need of being held--pretty much all the time. She has been a sleeping machine today--so I have gotten quite a bit done and I may even go make some cupcakes after this. I'm sure she will start her colic just about the time I need to leave for work.

We had a super fun weekend partaking in the Fall Festival at St. Boni's church by our house and then a lovely trip to the zoo on Sunday! We got up early and left unshowered--but it was worth it to FINALLY have a chance to get up close to the grizzly bears! Our whole family does not fair well with the big crowds that have been there all summer! We also met a couple who just brought their 2 1/2 year old daughter home from Ethiopia in April. It was wonderful to hear their story--and Jakob seemed to totally adore her!

For some reason, I just love this picture of Jakob at the Tiger Camp! He was totally getting into playing with the computer and when I told him to smile, he put his hand on the coffee cup and tried to pull it off the table to drink it. He is such a ham!!

A boy and his sucker. . . Jakob was falling asleep with his treat!



Jada loves the outside air and has yet to be awake during any of our activities during the day. She is so sweet! We have almost all of our paperwork done to proceed with the court portion of the adoption. We are still waiting on a cooperative agreement proposal and the social/medical form. We continue to email Jada's birthmom on a weekly basis. I never thought that emailing would be difficult on a weekly basis--but we sometimes struggle with the time aspect--nothing else about it is difficult and we still pray that our relationship continues to grow with Jada's birthfamily. Things are going as well as you could expect them to be when you are sleep deprived to the max. We can't wait for our first family (of 4) get-away to Duluth in October. It should be interesting!!

Our newest pet. . . . just kidding--it's fake, really!

LSS ADOPTION NIGHT AT THE TWINS

Yeah! Woo! We survived the Twins game on Friday night! Containing a 2 1/2 year old in a very small space can be a challenging feat! We survived with only a few concerning looks during a few classic tantrum episodes of hitting, biting, screaming and throwing of whatever was in Jakob's hand at the time (Nunu, sippy cup, or popcorn). The best part was when we decided it was time to go and I spilled 1/2 of my very large Sprite that only cost $3-4 in the row below us. (There weren't any people sitting there, thank God, but it did splatter on the people in the next row.) Despite all the challenges, we had a good time and were able to experience Jakob's first baseball game at the Metrodome with Kaiti. He does look very innocent in the pictures. . . . doesn't he? :0) My little angel!

1/23/2008

My feeble attempt to make a cake--it's pretty lame looking--but it is the thought that counts, isn't it? I'm trying to take a picture of Jakob and Kaiti, while dad is keeping the candles away from him!!
Who needs plates anyway? Jakob did a good job of making me feel okay about the lame cake!

All those presents--and Jakob would rather play with a small piece of ripped paper!!

10:08 on 1/23/2008--Jakob's birth time and date. We are going to try to take one every year--as long as we can, anyway! :0)

Every moment seems to be an eternity while you are waiting to be chosen in the adoption process. The only time that doesn't stand still is watching your child grow once they come into your family. Our son turned two on 1/23/2008. We were fortunate to be able to spend some time with Kaiti (Jakob's birthmom) due to our lack of skill in planning and knack for last minute ideas! She had already made other plans, but was able to sneak over here for a few hours. I know that this day is very difficult for her. I know that it really really hurts. I simply cannot begin to imagine the depth of that pain and if that pain will ever go away. I do know that she doesn't think of herself as a strong person and that she is definitely not a hero--but I beg to differ.

Here's a definition straight from the Random House College Dictionary:
hero 1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

She has tremendous courage. Courage to get up and face each day--she could very easily give in to her feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and doubt and just give up. She has the courage to share her story--with tremendous pride--even though it may hurt--in the hopes of helping others. She has the courage to find happiness in amongst all these confusing days. She has the courage to move forward with life and face it head on--open to new things and change to better her life. She has the courage to talk to US about it.

I have never felt so honored in my life--to have Kaiti--want to tell me about her life, about herself, about her successes, and about her failures. For all of that, she is admired for her brave deeds and noble qualities and definitely worthy of being titled a hero.

And then she comes over with a Willow Tree figurine for us--titled Hero. So thought out--basically saying that we are her heros. Open for interpretation, I guess, as I wonder how that could really be--us being heros in her eyes.

I know now how much pressure one feels to be perfect--to live up to those expectations or interpretations of what we think being a hero is. I don't expect Kaiti to be perfect, I love her just as she is--that is part of the reason why I see her as our hero--it takes great courage to face one's own imperfections. I hope everyone remembers that. We don't need to be perfect to shine in this world--we don't need to be perfect to be loved, we don't even need to be perfect to be looked upon as a hero. (Lord knows I've made many mistakes along the way!)

She is one of the lights in my heart and I'm going to let it shine!!