Thursday, January 24, 2008

1/23/2008

My feeble attempt to make a cake--it's pretty lame looking--but it is the thought that counts, isn't it? I'm trying to take a picture of Jakob and Kaiti, while dad is keeping the candles away from him!!
Who needs plates anyway? Jakob did a good job of making me feel okay about the lame cake!
All those presents--and Jakob would rather play with a small piece of ripped paper!!

10:08 on 1/23/2008--Jakob's birth time and date. We are going to try to take one every year--as long as we can, anyway! :0)

Every moment seems to be an eternity while you are waiting to be chosen in the adoption process. The only time that doesn't stand still is watching your child grow once they come into your family. Our son turned two on 1/23/2008. We were fortunate to be able to spend some time with Kaiti (Jakob's birthmom) due to our lack of skill in planning and knack for last minute ideas! She had already made other plans, but was able to sneak over here for a few hours. I know that this day is very difficult for her. I know that it really really hurts. I simply cannot begin to imagine the depth of that pain and if that pain will ever go away. I do know that she doesn't think of herself as a strong person and that she is definitely not a hero--but I beg to differ.

Here's a definition straight from the Random House College Dictionary:
hero 1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

She has tremendous courage. Courage to get up and face each day--she could very easily give in to her feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and doubt and just give up. She has the courage to share her story--with tremendous pride--even though it may hurt--in the hopes of helping others. She has the courage to find happiness in amongst all these confusing days. She has the courage to move forward with life and face it head on--open to new things and change to better her life. She has the courage to talk to US about it.

I have never felt so honored in my life--to have Kaiti--want to tell me about her life, about herself, about her successes, and about her failures. For all of that, she is admired for her brave deeds and noble qualities and definitely worthy of being titled a hero.

And then she comes over with a Willow Tree figurine for us--titled Hero. So thought out--basically saying that we are her heros. Open for interpretation, I guess, as I wonder how that could really be--us being heros in her eyes.

I know now how much pressure one feels to be perfect--to live up to those expectations or interpretations of what we think being a hero is. I don't expect Kaiti to be perfect, I love her just as she is--that is part of the reason why I see her as our hero--it takes great courage to face one's own imperfections. I hope everyone remembers that. We don't need to be perfect to shine in this world--we don't need to be perfect to be loved, we don't even need to be perfect to be looked upon as a hero. (Lord knows I've made many mistakes along the way!)

She is one of the lights in my heart and I'm going to let it shine!!





4 comments:

...sensible of shoe said...

Wow, that is so powerful! I now know what you mean about the respect and love you have for your child's birthmom. Kait is a hero!

Are you two going to come visit us next week? Please!

Sabrina said...

After all the times i've seen you on megan's blog... i decided to take a peak at yours! Your son is adorable!!! What a blessing!

*~JESSIE~* said...

I love this post! I hope one day I can have a great realationship with a birthmom too. Thanks for participating in the adoption journey blog carnival. Hope you have a good time visiting the other participants.

Muskie Mom said...

Sweaty eyes here. You wrote so beautifully what I feel for my daughter's firstmom. Thanks!