IT'S OFFICIAL! HAPPY ADOPTION DAY!

There was a time when I wasn't sure if we were going to ever be able to finalize Jenay's adoption.  It has been a long and weathered road, and I'm sure our journey has only just begun, but we can now travel that road as an official FOREVER FAMILY!  I could not be more thankful for all the help and support we have received from Lutheran Social Services, Walling, Berg & Debele, P.A., Gift of Adoption, Hennepin County Juvenile Court, and of course, all our family and friends!  We are forever grateful to have Jenay's birthmom in our lives and hope that our relationship continues to grow and grow and grow.  We love her so! 

Adoption unknown. . .

The thing with open adoption is just when you think you have it all figured out--something else throws you for a loop.  I can sit and analyze, worry, speculate, assume, guess, ask, wonder, pray, pursue, succeed AND fail, and still not know the answers that I am looking for.  I still don't know the role I am meant to take.  I guess all I can do is to offer myself and make it clear--and I mean clear--that I will always be here, no matter what, no matter when, no matter how she wants to be in our life.  Maybe she already knows this.  Maybe she already feels this.  Maybe she already knows how much we love her--for real.  Maybe, for once in her life, she feels free and just needs to be who she was always meant to be.  I wish I knew, though. . . I still wish I knew. 

2010 Holiday Photo Contest: Christmas Wishes - Adoption Photos - Adoptive Families

2010 Holiday Photo Contest: Christmas Wishes - Adoption Photos - Adoptive Families

I never enter contests. . . but I fell in love with this photo (hubby's toe included) and really love the Adoptive Families magazine and really hope to win a year's subscription since it just expired and we didn't renew due to our massive budget cut when Nay Nay came home to our family much quicker than we could have ever expected. AND, since we have had this AWESOME snow storm here in MN, it was a great time to do some things I don't normally have time to do! Hopefully, I can get some more photos of that up here for you!!! We've been having fun making our "outdoor" playground of tunnels and trails!!

Sweet music to my ears. . . .

I remember the day that we got the call about Jenay's birthmom wanting to meet us like it was just yesterday.  Of course, we didn't even know Jenay was a girl yet.  Everything happened so fast. . . she was born the next day after the call and they had to change our match meeting place.  So the next day we went to the hospital to meet T.  We still didn't even know if she had a girl or boy yet.  T is very quiet and not much was said so we had no clue what to think.  We even got to meet baby Jenay before we left.  The next day we had a phone conversation with T and about an hour later her social worker called us and asked us when we could come pick the baby up.  There was just a little bit of chaos and we were still unsure if we were being chosen, or if we were kind of just being placed so baby wouldn't have to go to foster care.  Due to the complexity of the situation, we knew that it would be some time before we would be out of legal risk and the longer Jenay was with us, the harder it became to face the reality that as long as we were in legal risk, her first momma could choose to parent her--meaning we would lose her.  It's difficult to grieve that thought when you know that a birth parent is actually experiencing that grief.  A birth parent that you love and deeply care for.  A first parent that you want to hold tight to and make all their problems disappear with the blink of an eye.  But yet, you don't want to lose that child that you already love so deeply, who is already a part of your heart. 

Our agency has a "glimpse" of waiting parent's profiles online.  You can't see the entire profile, but most of us on there have links to blogs or adoption sites with more information.  We were on the up and up of openness and actually linked ours to my blog.  When a family is matched--the agency will put that by their names.  When they are out of legal risk, they will say, "Congrats on the arrival of a _________!"  (Girl or Boy, obviously).  I remember seeing "Matched" by our names after about a week and bursting into tears because the reality of being in legal risk for a long time finally hit me in the face.   We breathed, sighed, slept, ate, tried not to think about it, prayed God would have His will be done--sooner than later--kept on living, breathing, sleeping, eating, taking care of babies and a gazillion other things on top of that.  We have certainly been on a journey that is far from over, but has already brought us more than we could have ever imagined.  On Wednesday, November 3, at 4:31pm, we were officially out of legal risk. We can now petition the court to officially adopt her.   A new beginning for all of us. 

But something was still missing. . . .

Until I visited the LSS Waiting Family site today and saw those sweet beautiful words written by our names, "Congratulations on the arrival of a girl!"  Even though she has already been with us for eight months those words rang loud and clear that she is here to stay and that her and her beautiful birth mommy will always be a part of our lives!  Thanks be to God! 

I have to be honest. . . I've been totally avoiding my blog because I haven't wanted to update anything.  I guess we were not quite prepared for the undertaking that came along with this third process of adoption.  It has been long and emotional and unpredictable and amazing and wonderful and beautiful and undeniably the right situation for our family, but so long and emotional and unpredictable.  It has been difficult to know where our boundaries are and what our responsibilities should be.  But, the simple truth is that in my heart, I know we are going to have to advocate for Jenay's birthmom.  I know things have not been easy for her to get in touch with us.  I know she has been extremely busy.  I'm sure if this process has been emotional for us, that it has been 1000 times more emotional for her.  We are supposed to have a visit this month and I'm not sure it's going to happen.  We haven't heard from her--directly.  I'm sure it's a combination of a bunch of things--but it still makes me sad.  I'm sure we will be able to schedule something next month instead.  I just want her to know that we will always be here for her.  That we WANT to see her.  That we do LOVE her! 


I hope to see my three mommas soon!  I have a ton to say. . .but I'm keeping it all inside for now.  So, until I spill the beans. . . .here are some fun photos!

Did I forget to mention that I turned 40?  OOPS!  Here we are in DULUTH celebrating!  Craig surprised me with my mom and dad!  It was and awesome time despite Craig getting sick on the second day.  We weren't able to do all the things we planned, but the weather was spectacular and we were able to be outside without our parkas! 

I hope you all have a very happy Halloween!  Here are some of our pre Halloween photos.  I'm so behind on my blog that I have a million photos to choose from!  I guess you will have to find me on facebook if you want to see more! :0)

GIFT OF ADOPTION FUND

We all know that there is a financial aspect to adoption.  Most of us try not to talk about it.  It's something that may be difficult for our children to understand at a young age.  Even if I didn't adopt, I wouldn't want my children to feel they are a financial burden in any way.  I have heard people say that if you can't afford it, then you shouldn't be adopting.  I do have to agree. .. to a certain extent.  We plan, we budget, we cut from our budget, we go without things people feel are necessities (like cell phones, dates, babysitters, eating at restaurants--although we do take our kids to McDonald's every now and then--movies).  We shop at garage sales or sales, rarely paying full price for anything.  We research and wait for the best deals.  We are THOSE people who ask sales associates for a discount and almost ALWAYS get one.  We use cloth diapers--kind of a big investment up front, but we are on our third child now. . . saving big (and not to mention, saving some space in the land fill!).  We always attempt our own repairs before calling a service person.  We fixed our dishwasher (lucky), unclogged our bathtub (FINALLY), and we our sink is kind of draining, S L O W L Y.  Hubby does our oil changes and I attempt hair cuts. . . ummmmmm. . . .not always with success.  There are a million more cost cutters that we use. . . .

If you know us, or have read my blog--you know that we are in the process of completing our third adoption.  We have funded all three without taking out loans.  Well almost.  Sometimes all the right things happen way before you have planned!  We did not plan on getting chosen a mere six weeks after being in the book.  Seriously.  We thought it would be at least a year, probably closer to two.  And then this special situation came to us and felt so right.  Unfortunately, we didn't have that "year" to save up the rest of the money we needed so we cashed out a retirement fund to help, started selling things on craigslist, picked up extra shifts/hours at work, and took on more cleaning jobs.  I am a firm believer that if you really want something, you can make it work.  You just have to do the work to achieve your dreams.  We are ordinary people, with dreams of having our family, just like anyone else.  Sad part--we actually have $13000 in rollover of that awesome federal adoption tax credit--that we may never see.  We really don't make a whole lot of money--remember we are ordinary people--and we only have 5 years to collect it.  2 years are gone and now we have 3 dependents.  Slim to none that we will get even $5000 of it.  Sad because it is ordinary families like ours that could really use it to help with life! 

We are still in the process of completing our third adoption.  We are still unsure of what the final costs will be.  Our social worker told us about GIFT OF ADOPTION and felt that our family and our special situation met the criteria to be eligible for a grant.  WHAT?!?  You mean ask for money when we have always done things for ourselves?  So we applied.  It was not an easy process.  Kind of like a homestudy with lots of questions.  :0)  Trust me, they are not just handing out money! haha!  Enough said. . .

Gift of Adoption awarded us a grant to help complete our adoption!  It was truly another blessing in our lives that we were not expecting!  Sometimes all the right things happen at the right time! :0)  I encourage anyone thinking about making a charitable donation to check out the GIFT OF ADOPTION FUND.  Donations to the Gift of Adoption Fund help ordinary families like us get across that finish line with a little less financial burden, with a little more hope and a little less worry about being able to provide for these children that we love so very much.  They gave us back some of our time to spend with our family.  They gave us back some of our sanity.  They gave us back some time to just breath.  They gave to us without taking away our dignity.  We hope to repay them someday, by giving back to another family, just like us, in a little need to get over that hump.  We hope you will think about it too.

Join the Gift of Adoption cause on Facebook!
Add Gift of Adoption as your Facebook Friend!

Get the word out!  The more money that is donated, the more grants they can award!  Think of all the lives you can have such a great and wonderful impact on!  :0)  Here are some recent pictures of our beautiful family celebrating at the wedding of Jakob's birthmother's sister's wedding.  Confused?  We'll just call her aunt Megan. 

God's Grace

Sometimes I wish I was that brilliant writer, you know, the one who could bring tears to your eyes--or the one who could convince you to give money for the causes I believe in or the people I meet whom are truly in need.  I wish I could put my exact feelings down on paper (or in my blog) sharing all the amazing things that have happened to me and my family.  I wish I could shout out to the world that all their judgments and insecurities are not valid in my world and that love is possible--no matter what.   I want to tell the world how God has had a divine influence upon my heart and how his grace has brought great reflection in my life.  On the outside it is probably pretty obvious.  Just look at my family.  

Straight from my husband's anniversary card--which seems to sum things up pretty well:

12 WONDERFUL YEARS

3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN

We are a trans-racial family created through open adoption.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that I would have such beautiful children, children that looked so different than me.  People on the outside look in and always say what a wonderful thing we are doing.  They don't get it.  (And I truly hate it when they say it.)  I wish I could convey even the slightest truth of how my children's first mothers uplift me.  How they have taught me to love big.  How they have taught me to trust.  How they have taught me patience.  How they make me feel every time we get together.  How they have challenged me like I have never been challenged before.  How I cry every time they leave.  How they have taught me that my life wouldn't be complete without them.  How they have proven God's grace.  

We finished up our cooperative agreement with Jenay's birthmom.  AND--I have permission to post photos of her in my blog.  So, here are two of my angels--(We will continue to respect Jada's birthmom and keep her photos private.)  Oh how I love them all so. . . .