ALL OUR DUCKS IN A ROW

Wow! I can't believe our super crazy weekend! I never thought we would get everything done. Friday night I think I just went to bed early to veg out and read my Woman's Day magazine. I love that mag--I don't care what anyone else says. I read really intense books all the time, so I think it is my "sweet escape". I'm not into fashion or make-up and there isn't a fitness magazine that doesn't have anything new for me--being a personal trainer and all. I love our Adoption magazine--but that only comes like 4 times a year.

Saturday morning. . . Craig got up at 5 am and went for a bike ride after doing his computer stuff. He then went to rent an auger to dig the holes for our soon to be totally fenced in yard. The single one didn't work, but while Craig was trying to use it--it was pourning down rain. Jakob and I were inside laughing just a little bit. . . .Anyway--he returned it and brought back the two man. A very good reason to stay in good shape as we are saving about $1200 by installing the fence ourselves! We are both very sore still--but it got done. Although, if you are shorter than me. . . you probably wouldn't be able to use it. After returning the auger. . . we hit the Bloomington farmer's market for the first time--in between the rain showers--and got some fresh lettuce, cilantro, sour worms, dried fruit, some nut snack for Craig and we found the coolest duck family for our flower garden. We spent more than we were planning, but we both fell in love with the ducks and decided to buy them for our anniversary gift to each other--which, by the way is on July 18th--our 10 year!!

We left just in time as it started to pour--AND HAIL--again!! Ran home, got on clean clothes and went to Chuckie Cheese for a friend's birthday party. It was FREEZING in there! Jakob was scared of Chuckie and just wanted to drink the fruit punch. We came home and I left right away to go clean for 4 hours! (had to pay for the ducks somehow!) Came home, ate dinner and went for a bike ride. Went to bed--only to be woken up at 2:30 am by the retired neighbors returning from the bar. . . and deciding it was a good time to go swimming--go figure.

Then, up at 6:30am for a stretching client at the "J"--and off to clean again for 3 hours. Came home, ate lunch and went outside to check out all of our holes, water the garden and play a bit with Jakob. Then the boys took their naps and I laid on the couch. Off to a graduation at 4pm and home by 6pm. We were way too tired to go for a bike ride tonight. We hung out and watched TV and snuggled on the couch instead (and ate ice cream).

I feel so relieved that this weekend is over!! But, now, I have to get my own house ready for my parents this weekend, study for my First Responder test (which is on Wed.), plus all my other regular work. AND this 4th of July we will be finishing our fence!! It sounds exhausting. . . but I am so excited!! This summer is going by way too fast. I certainly don't want it to end. Our flower garden is absolutely stunning this year and has been bringing great joy to our family!! We are definitely taking advantage of every waking moment!! :0)

LSS ADOPTION NIGHT AT THE TWINS

Yeah! Woo! We survived the Twins game on Friday night! Containing a 2 1/2 year old in a very small space can be a challenging feat! We survived with only a few concerning looks during a few classic tantrum episodes of hitting, biting, screaming and throwing of whatever was in Jakob's hand at the time (Nunu, sippy cup, or popcorn). The best part was when we decided it was time to go and I spilled 1/2 of my very large Sprite that only cost $3-4 in the row below us. (There weren't any people sitting there, thank God, but it did splatter on the people in the next row.) Despite all the challenges, we had a good time and were able to experience Jakob's first baseball game at the Metrodome with Kaiti. He does look very innocent in the pictures. . . . doesn't he? :0) My little angel!

Childhood Summer

The last couple of mornings, I woke up, thinking I was 12 again. The smell of the air, the sounds of the birds, the breeze blowing in through the window, the perfect temperature--all there for the perfect summer days. I loved summer when I was a kid. We lived in the country and I loved sleeping out on our screened porch. The sounds of the bugs were soothing (only because I knew they couldn't get me on the porch.) It's been a really long time since I have been able to feel like I have been able appreciate these perfect days--partly because before Jakob, I was working full time, and partly because I started a new allergy medicine last year that has allowed me to actually be able to breath for once and not be completely miserable!

As I was walking out to the garage to get myself a Dt. Mt. Dew (I figure if I keep it out there I won't drink as much) I saw a Monarch butterfly and it totally reminded me of the time my sister and I spent the whole day catching butterflies--millions of them--and we put them all in the screened porch. It was kind of like the butterfly garden at the zoo! We were so excited to show my mom and when she came out on the porch she flipped out. Too this day I don't quite know why. If she was worried about the butterflies dying--or if it creeped her out because they are bugs. But, I just don't remember her being as excited about it as we were. (She was probably having flashbacks to the time we took all the baby Barn Swallows out of their nests because we wanted them for pets and found them in the garage.) Yes, we did very unusual things out in the country!

So for this summer, I have been doing my adult duties--which in my opinion--is to make summer time a wonderful memory for Jakob. So I will continue to go for bike rides, visit the parks, listen to music, sing and dance, play with bubbles, work on the garden, get out the little pool, try camping in the back yard, picnic on the deck, play baseball, hang out outside doing nothing, hang laundry on the line, search for bugs--and even catch butterflies--all while the rest of you are at work--and I will cherish every single moment of it--and relive a bit of my childhood too! Come on over and play!!

Jakob is terrified of the the thunder--really terrified. He thinks it is a monster outside--and lately, we have had quite a bit of loud thunder!! The other night, the storms were rolling in just as bedtime was approaching. I thought I would be ahead of the game and just blow up the air mattress and sleep with him downstairs. That way, if the weather radio went off, we wouldn't need to get him out of bed and scare him more. Craig gets up at some ungodly hour for work, so he was going to stay in bed. (In case you are wondering, our bed just isn't big enough for all of us--if you've ever slept in bed with a toddler, you know what I mean!). Well, Jakob fell asleep right away. . . pretty much dominating the entire queen sized air mattress and eventually I fell asleep too--waking up in the middle of the night with enough air missing from the mattress for me to be on the concrete floor. (Our basement is carpeted, but not with any padding--I would love to redo it right now, but it wil just have to wait.) So, I got up and moved to the couch, watching Jakob sink to the floor once I got off of the mattress. I picked him up and moved him to the couch as I was way too tired to carry him back upstairs. The "dominator" knows how to make himself comfortable and in no time was sound asleep! The cat even got up and left. Finally at around 4 am, I decided that I didn't want to suffer all weekend from a couple of poor sleeping nights so I took him back up to his bed. In the morning I got up thinking that it really wouldn't be that difficult to try camping as Jakob slept really well on the air mattress (until the air came out). We just need to patch our air mattress. We have three and they all have slow leaks. I am much too cheap to buy a new one as it is really not a dire necessity. The cat also left his mark. . . with a big hairball at the edge of the mattress. Why do they always have to do that on the clean sheets?

We have been thinking about getting our yard fenced in the rest of the way. Sitting on a quote from midwest fence wondering if we want to spend the money or not. It is something that we don't want to invest our own labor into. After doing our own roof last summer, we figure we saved enough money to pay somebody else to do the fence--but it still is quite a hunk of money--but we really need to fence in the yard. We will probably sit on this one for the whole weekend.

In the adoption world. . . .

There has been a lot of action at LSS lately. There are currently 9 prospective birthparents in family selection. We are in a pool of profiles for one and we know that our profile has been seen and NOT been rejected--yet. "Rejected" sounds kind of a harsh. I suppose it's not really rejection, but a possibility of a match. So, if you have a few spare moments, please pray for the person having to go through the daunting task of looking at profiles and thinking about placing their child--in fact, pray for anyone enduring a crisis right now--it may just help them feel good about one more day in their life. So that's where we are at with that. Waiting, wondering, hoping, praying, empathizing, and waiting.

Don't worry, I would keep you updated if anything happened.

STOP THE TABS PLEASE!

Argh! We've been having a few computer issues. . . It is extremely annoying especially when you have things you need to get done requiring the computer. Internet explorer opens hundreds of millions of tabs--everytime I try to go to a new page. STOP THE MADNESS!! IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!! If anyone knows how to resolve this. . . please feel free to let me know. I've tried changing the settings in my tools section/internet options. . . but nothing seems to help. For now--I think I won't be around "online" as much--I fear destroying my computer!! :0)

ECONOMIC STIMULUS. . .

So, we didn't get back as much as we hoped from the government. . . I think it had something to do with our adoption federal tax credit because we certainly didn't make THAT much money! :0)


I have been researching bike trailers for the last two days and finally found one that seemed to fit our needs and we SPLURGED! WHAT A GREAT BARGAIN FOR THE MONEY!! If you must know. . . I did search for this kind on craigslist and didn't find any--but it is quite a bit cheaper than the Burley and has more storage space for our grocery store runs and even garage sale adventures! Jakob did not whine once--HONEST! In fact, he loved it!! He didn't even put up a fuss about his bike helmet--UNTIL the ride was over.


This is a really bad picture of me. . . totally gross, unshowered, no sense of style, and hair that is out of control. But, I COULD NOT WAIT TO TRY OUT THE TREK TRAILER!! Craig's butt was awful sore when we were done--it's a good thing I've been teaching cycle class--mine was just fine! Oh yeah, I almost NEVER go without a helmet--and here I am caught in a picture without it--so I can't say never! It will never happen again. . . I was just too excited to get out and my helmet is in the back of Craig's pick-up truck which is parked at his work. I was going to buy one at the bike shop--but they were $40 there--so I'll be making a Target run for a new helmet and a good lock!! What fun this summer is going to be!!

Now I just need to work on my bike so it actually shifts into more than two gears and fix the kick stand so it doesn't bend and move when you really need it. I suppose the brakes could use a tune up--and I most likely need a new chain and tires. After all, my bike is about 16 years old!! All original parts! :0)

And lastly. . . if you need a lawn boy--I may know somebody who would enjoy watering your grass!!

My wish for you. . . .

I am not sure what my thoughts are about Mother's Day. I grew up honoring my mom on that day. . . with the whole nine yards. . . breakfast in bed, homemade cards, cross stitch projects, and even really cool ceramic plates with roses on it and dogs that I made in ceramics class (just a side note--I grew up in the boonies and I did participate in 4H. Since I didn't have any farm animals. . . I mostly did the arts and crafts and plays and stuff--I never won any ribbons at the fair--so that tells you how great my crafts were. haha!) But, my mom still displays all that stuff on her walls. I can't believe it!! I can't believe all the things my mother did for me for my ENTIRE life and all the love and support she continues to give to me. I hope that I can be just 1/2 the mom to Jakob as she was to me--more would be great--but she is a pretty tall order to live up too.

My first Mother's day as a mom myself didn't quite have all the joy that I thought would come with it. Not because I didn't love every single moment of being a mom--actually I was ecstatic about FINALLY being a mother--but because I was feeling pain for our son's birthmother. I knew it was probably going to be a very difficult weekend for her, but, quite honestly, I didn't know how to handle it. The whole "deer in head lights" theme comes to mind. Me, just sitting there staring into space thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't send her a Mother's Day card. (But, I'm his mom--she chose to place him--will she think she can make the rules if I call her his mother--will it mess with that unspoken boundary of who is in charge--will he still love me--will he love her more--blah blah blah.) She was probably thinking all the same things. Jakob was just 4 months old at that time--so I could probably rightfully blame my idiot way of thinking purely on the lack of sleep, but, most likely on my own insecurity as a person unseasoned in the world of open adoption. So, being the mature adult that I am. . .I ignored it and did nothing--nice, huh? I can only imagine what that weekend was like for Kaiti.


After that, I learned about Birthmother's Day. I found out about it in some adoption groups that I was posting in on MYSPACE, of all places! Too late to do anything for that first year, but at least I was learning. I was trying to understand the depth of the emotions that Kaiti would most likely be experiencing as a result of choosing adoption for her child. Along the way, I have made some very good friends. I would have never thought that I could find a friend through the internet--let alone people that I consider myself to be close too--but it happened--and they have been a very important piece of my life and pretty much are responsible for saving our relationship with Kaiti. We just didn't quite understand all the things she was going through, emotionally and physically. Yeah, we had classes, but they were focused more on issues that an adoptee may experience--not the dynamics of an open relationship involving birth families after placement. So, I'm embarrassed to say it. . .but we were under the impression that she would just be able to go foward with her life after placement with no bumps in the road. Sorry Kaiti. . . you know that we know better now.

So, back to Birthmother's Day. Along with adoption comes this whole new world of vocabulary that is ever changing so as not to offend anyone. Along with that is the delicacy of Birthmother's Day. Some feel offended that they are not honored as a "mother" on Mother's day, some hate the word "birthmother" and prefer other titles such as "first mother" or "natural mother". It can get really confusing and when submerged into an already delicate relationship--it is every person's biggest fear of offending or hurting somebody who means the world to you--when you just want to honor them for who they are and their part in their child's life--the whole reason that adoptive parents have children!

So, the last two years, I invited Kaiti to spend "Birthmother's Day" with Jakob and me. (Craig has always gone fishing that weekend since it is fishing opener weekend in Minnesota.) This year we just hung out at home since it was rainy, snuggled on the couch, watched a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba!, finger painted a real master piece for Kaiti, and ate lunch in style at McDonalds.





I am thankful that she feels honored by this. I absolutely love spending time with her and the alone time that we get to just talk about things, our lives, Jakob, and really, how truly blessed we are! I love to watch Jakob play with her until he can't keep his eyes open any longer. I know he knows who she is by how he rests his head on her shoulder while snuggling on the couch. I know he knows who she is by how he touches her arm and looks into her eyes. I know he knows who she is by how happy he always is when she is here. I know he knows who she is by expecting her to sit next to him in the car when we go somewhere. I know he knows who she is because he calls her by her name--and recognizes her in pictures. Jakob does not say anybody else's name except mom, dad, Kaiti and his own version of Squeakers (our cat.)





I want Jakob to always feel that it is okay to love Kaiti--as we do--and that he should never feel like he would be hurting us if he does. I want him to know that Jesus has enough love for each and everyone of us and that he should never hold back his feelings of love for her--his heart is big enough to love anyone he wishes. I want him to know that he can call her whatever he feels is right in his heart.

I want Kaiti to know the same things go for her. She is free to love Jakob with all her heart and I never would ever expect her to not think about him, not love him and not have wishes and dreams for him. That is why I love having her in my life. So I know what those wishes and dreams are. So I can maybe help them come true--for both of them.

If you didn't know, we are currently waiting again, to be chosen to adopt and our current agency (Lutheran Social Services) had a Birthmother's Day dinner the previous Thursday for Birthparents that we all went too--Craig, me, Jakob and Kaiti. It was nice to meet some other birthmom's and prospective adoptive parents and honor the birthparents that were there. Another blurb on how AWESOME LSS is as they welcome Kaiti into the LSS family even though we didn't adopt through them the first time. Kaiti is so excited to be on their birthparent activity list--and to meet other people who may be able to relate to her more than anyone else.

I have a friend on myspace who is a birthmom and she made a slideshow for her son with the song My Wish by Rascal Flatts in the background. I love this song and it makes me cry every time I hear it--even when I hear it at BK or Target! I probably would have never heard it if it wasn't for her. All I can think of is my wishes deep from my heart for Jakob and for Kaiti--for both of their lives--and how much I really do love both of them. I hope we can continue to celebrate Birthmother's Day together--for as long as I live. I know that it is not the only time that we get together, but it feels right to honor Kaiti on her own special day. . . only because she deserves it. . . after all. . . love is love. And because of that. . . I think that I am always going to look forward to Mother's Day weekend!!